


Blood, Pain, and Love

by Stardust_ash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Bottom Kylo Ren, Dominant Rey, Dominatrix Rey, F/F, F/M, Flogging, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Knifeplay, Light BDSM, Love at First Sight, M/M, Multi, My First Fanfic, Oral Sex, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Polyamory, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Rough Sex, Smut, Some Plot, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-05-31 11:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15118760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardust_ash/pseuds/Stardust_ash
Summary: “... Do with me what you will.” The words were falling from his lips before he could stop them. He felt his defenses grumbling before her. The walls were dismantling stone by stone with each word she spoke, with each command. She had barely touched him yet he felt her mark upon him, seared through to his heart. He was hers. He knew it the first time he saw her and now, now he could do nothing but submit to her will. He trusted her with his life without understanding why. There was no logic anymore, just the swelling of his heart and the longing in his blood and bones.~Excerpt From Blood, Pain, and Love.A story about two damaged souls who find each other despite there resistance to love. Can they learn how to be in a relationship with one another and heal from the wounds of their past? Can they conquer their fears and have the courage to believe in the future together?





	1. Oh We're Going to Have Fun!

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger Warnings**  
> -There is Knife Play in the story and some blood is drawn.  
> -They have both had abusive past that will be referenced here. 
> 
> This is my first time writing a FanFic Its taken so much courage to finally post this. So, be gentle. I do not have a beta and probably need one. Comments are welcome. Kind of need to know if I should continue. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Ren was not feeling the whole club vibe tonight but, Hux had basically begged him to come, saying it was for a good cause, a fundraiser sort of thing. He was definitely skeptical when he saw the name of the above the door. Bondage a Go-Go. He chuckled wondering if they were actually going to a strip club. He wouldn’t be surprised given Hux’s leanings and his seemingly endless pursuit of sex.

“Seems a bit racy for a fundraiser don't you think” He shouted over the music at Hux.

“Oh, you haven't seen anything yet, dear boy!” Hux flashed a wicked smile. “I think you will enjoy it. I dare say you might just need it!”

Hux lead them to the table where they registered for the live auction. They were each given a stick with a number attached to the top. Ren noticed they were much like the ones used at art auctions that he attends several times a year. He had a thing for surliest and Black and White photography he worked hard to expand his collection.

“So, what is this for Hux? Spill it?”

“It’s a fundraiser for an organization that provides legal counsel for sex workers.” He said happily.

“Ooook” Ren stared at him in disbelief.

“Come on Ren! You support their cause don’t you?”

“Of course! “ Ren had never really thought about it. Sure he had employed a few in his life mostly high-end escorts for big social engagements where he needed a date with no strings attached. He did find it far easy to manage when he was paying for their company. He never tried to engage them in sex. It was a perfect business arrangement.

“Good, good. I fully expect you to contribute to the cause! I am sure you find something to your liking!” Hux said raising his eyebrows to Ren.

He could do that. What the hell were they going to auction off at the benefit for sex workers? It  certainly wasn’t going to be picnic baskets .

Once registered they found their way to the bar which stretched the length of the front room with a gilded mirrored back display case filled with what seemed to be the entirety of the alcohol world, anything you could ever want.  As Ren flagged down the bartender a tall older woman wearing a tight Jackdanels shirt cut off at the waist a leather vest and low slung levis. “What can get you handsome” She smiled at him.

“Two Bourbons on the rocks please” Ren glanced around the space taking in the scene. He couldn’t help but noticed several people handcuffed to the bar. _That’s intriguing!_ He liked it much to his chagrin. There was a hell of a lot of leather around he mused. He felt a bit underdressed in his black on black ensemble of a V neck T, skin-tight jeans, and blazer. It was what situated him most. It wasn’t that he didn’t like color he just didn’t feel comfortable in it.

He paid the bartender, tipping her generously and handed one of the bourbons to Hux. Ren downed his in hopes of achieving some semblance of numbness to help shield him from the assault on his senses by the blaring music and the masses surrounding him. The club was starting to fill up already and it was only 10 pm. He was out of his element when it came to socializing with people and being in crowds. He hated public places. He preferred his office where he had complete control, no questions asked, no emotional negotiations. Just pure logic and the power of 0’s and 1’s at his fingertips.

They made their way further into the club towards the backstage. He could tell Hux was on the prowl checking every woman and man he passed by, giving each of them the full body scan.  It was beyond Ren’s comprehension how Hux did it? He always managed to take someone home. He was ok looking, he guessed, but nothing special. Hux was an ass through and through and he was so bloody self-assured. Ren, on the other hand, founded it incredibly difficult to get over his social anxiety. He just didn't get most people and they certainly didn’t get him. He was the classic powerhouse at work but the rest of the time he was quite shy and uneasy especially when it came to the opposite sex. His track record had been abysmal. He generally didn’t feel attractive and if someone showed attraction in him he couldn't help but think it was for his money. He didn't even try anymore he’d been burned way to much and he was perfectly happy burying himself in his work. At times he wondered if he was really just asexuals, he rarely even thought about sex anymore.  
  


They finally turned down the music and the MC for the evening jumped up onto the stage to start the show. Introducing himself as Poe Dameron, who looked like a conceded GQ model and sounded like a car salesman.  He went over the lineup for the evening. Letting them know that each performance and demonstration presented was one of the items being auctioned off for the evening.

“I am going to grab another drink you want one?” Hux’s asked.

“Sure”

Ren leaned against the wall just off the side of the stage watching the crowd.  He had a good view of the stage itself and everyone that made there way backstage. As he gassed lazily into the crowded room he saw a gorgeous woman making her way towards him and the backstage entrance. Something twisted inside his stomach. He felt like the ground beneath him cease to exists and he was free falling.

He couldn't help but stare at her. There was something about her that felt so familiar.

She was dressed beyond sexy, a fierce sight in a latex top opened to her navel that looked like second skin, tight form fitting leather skirt with a slit well above her left knee, high lace-up boots, leather gloves, and just a bit of the lace from her bra peeking out. Her Hair was pulled back tight with three buns her lips ruby red.

His breath caught in his chest. The way she moved was like honey, her smile the very sun. Her eyes bright and gleaming. His heart nearly leaped out of his body when she came close brushing past him he felt waves of electrical current dance between them. 

When something fell out of her overly pack bag Ren immediately picked it up. Realizing it was a whip he smirked at it. “Excuse me” he called after her.

Rey turned to face him with her hand on her hip. Their eyes met. Catching her breath she froze.

“You dropped this.” He said shakily holding it out to her.

Rey just stood there taken back by the handsome creature before her. He was tall, really tall! His eyes the color of the night sky with bits of bright flashes of light darting across them, his hair the color of crows feathers, soft and luxurious. She felt a tremor run through her. Shaking herself out of her stupor she slowly moved her hand to take the whip from him. 

Finding her dom within she said, “Good Boy” In the sexiest commanding voice she could muster and smiled at him. “Thank you love” and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek then spun around and swagger backstage.

Ren’s mouth went dry. She was fucking devastating! He felt a shiver spread over him and to his surprise he felt his dick twitch. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of desire that was mounting in him and he ached!  He slumped up against the wall head pressing hard against the concrete blocks, his eyes wide. “Fuck!” he cursed out loud. Well that’s different he thought. He wasn't really sure what to do with his urges they felt so alien to him. All he did know has he wanted her! He felt like something had taken root in his soul.

Hux came back with the drinks handing one to Ren. He looked concerned. “You ok buddy? You look like you saw a ghost or something.”

“I’m fine” he huffed. He really did not want to let Hux in on what just happened or what he felt. He would tease him mercilessly. He just could not deal with that right now.

He downed the second drink. He needed some serious liquid courage if he had any chance in hell connect with her again and he knew he just had to.

The show started off with a talented fire dancer, then segwayed into a bell dancing troop, a ropes demonstration that he found informational in ways he never thought he'd be interested in. After each performance the  MC offered them up for bidding on, auctioning them off to the highest bidder. It was strangely entertaining.

Until she walks on stage cracking her whip against the smoke-filled air. “And now let's give a hand for  Lady Rey. Dominatrix extraordinaire! “ Mr. Dameron scream enthusiastically. She was a sight to see the spotlights accentuated every curve of her form. She commanded respect and submission with just a look. Ren was transfixed. His need spreading through him, a seed sprouting searching tendrils. His nervous system, his blood, his muscle, his bones every part of him felt like it was coming to life after a deep slumber. That taste of desire searing his tongue. 

Dameron knelt down before Rey. “I am yours to command milady” he bowed his head in submission.

Lady Rey laughed and stomped her foot down. “Beg for it!” She hissed at him.

Ren could not believe the scene that was playing out be for his eyes. He took it all in as she reprimanded and flogged Dameron. Poe begged for more, whimpering with want. Pleading with Lady Rey to punish him. Ren was far more turned on than he thought anyone should be standing in the middle of a crowded club. He adjusted himself to try to hide his desire but, it was no good, he was too hard. The sensation against his jeans only heightened everything he was feeling.

Lady Rey had Dameron bent over a chair now as she was spanking him hard and slow. Dameron look like he enjoyed every hit she laid on his ass. He yelped and moaned out of control.

Ren wanted to know what it was like to be dominated by her. He wanted to hand over every scrap of control he had,  give her conch balanc to do with him what she will. He would fall at her feet, he would beg, he would plead, he would do whatever she asked of him. He never wanted anyone like he wanted her now.  _ FuckfuckFuck!  _ He felt like he would explode right then and there. He wasn’t use to these sorts of feelings. He didn’t have coping strategies for this sort of thing. He desperately tried to breathe slowly and deeply. Willing himself to calm the fuck down.

Dameron stood up, face flushed smiling from ear to ear, he picked up the mic. “Dam! You know you want some of that! Come on! We start the bidding off at $200”  The live bidding session for Lady Rey was off. 

Before Ren fully comprehend what he was doing he raised his stick and started bidding. Feverishly he continued even though he could not tell what the price was. He didn’t care. He raises his action stick over and over again at each call, bidding against the one that came before. At some point, he realized he was bidding against Hux and then it was all out war. There was no way he would let him have her. They glared at each other.  One-upping the other with each bid. Ren glared at Hux murderously and growling until Hux finally gave way. Throwing his hands up!

“You can have her” He shouted in disgusted as he stormed off.  

“Gone to the highest bidder at $1,000 dollars. To the tall dark one in the corner,  # 143.” Dameron announced. Ben’s stick till in the air smiling to himself.

Ren just stared at her on the stage in all her glory. She was looking right back at him with determination and a bit of shock. She smiled and waved to the audience then bowed and walked off stage.

Within moments one of the assistance approached him asking for his info and how would he like to pay. He handed her his credit card. She ran off to run it while he stood there shaking. He just bought a session with Lady Rey. _What have I done?_  His head was swimming. _How is this going to work? What will she think of me? Will she want me?_ _Fuck!_

It was not a sex session that had been made clear. He couldn’t do that. He did hope that eventually there would be more. For now, he just wants to be with her.

The bubbly girl came back with his card and a receipt. Thank you for your generous donation. Lady Rey will be out to see you in a moment. 

“Wait, what? Why?” He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face here just yet.

“She’ll want to meet you so you two can make plans for the session.”

“Oh” Was all he could muster as he found his place back against the wall. His hands placed firmly on his thighs as he watched the floor in front of him trying to catch his breath and keep his heart from bursting out of his chest. “Fuck” he cursed to himself running his big hand through his thick hair.

He was finally coming around to his senses when he saw her boots approaching him. He raised his head then stood up looking at her a bit sheepishly. 

“Are you Kylo Ren?” She asked.

“Yes.” he barely choked out. His chest contracting again. She was truly divine. Her hair was highlighted by the stage lights behind her. She looks like a dark angel come to escort him into the mouth of heaven or hell. He had no idea where this will go.

“My your a tall one, aren't you love?” She felt it again, the shortness of breath as if the air was sucked from the room, her chest tightening, and her heart pounding for release.

“All six foot three of me” He tried to make light of the situation.

She laughed and it was the sound of starlight.

“I am Lady Rey” She held her hand out to him.

Not really knowing how to respond he took it and brought it to his lips kissing it softly, looking at her all the while. 

She smiled mischievously at him.  “Oh, we are going to have some fun...So what are you into she asked coyly?”

“Umm…”  his brain was screeching to a halt. He glanced down then looking into her eyes again with full presence of mind. “Whatever you ask of me. I am under your spell.”

There went her heart again trying to break her rib cage. Rey didn’t even know how to responded. Sure she had heard things of that nature in her work but, never with such absolute devotion and sincerity. She knew somehow this was not just some come on or him trying to show off. It was authentic. And she didn’t even know what to do with that.  Breathing deeply composing herself she pushed forward. Choosing not to respond to his devotional statement. At least not now.

“Well, I will need a bit of guidance from you. I need to know your limits and set some boundaries. Text me tomorrow so we can make plans to have tea and discuss this more fully without loud music washing away our words.” She handed him one of her business cards.

He nodded. Words just not coming. He’d already said too much. He was too afraid he’d say something stupid and ruin it.

“Talk to you tomorrow then?” 

“yes.” His eyes watched her as she disappeared backstage.

He gulped for air. He hadn’t realized that he had been holding his breath. Putting her card into his wallet he moving quickly for the front door. He had to get out of here and fast, he felt the panic rising in him. The walls were closing in, the music and lights were spinning him out.

Once he was outside he could breathe again. He sat down haphazardly on the curb his lanky limbs feeling too big for the position but, he needed to get grounded. Sinking his head into his hands, overwhelmed with fear and elation, desires and angst, panic and determination, all of it swirling around like a fucking hurricane in his mind. He tried to focus just on his breath falling into the well-worn pattern of breathing like he learned in therapy. Once his mind had settled enough for some semblance of rational thought he pulled out his phone and hired an Uber to fetch him.

Hux appeared out of nowhere. “Well, well, well… I had no idea you were so into that sort of thing… or was it just the girl?”

“Fuck you” Ren snarled.

“Ah... I see. It was the girl!... Now, now...don’t be like that. I let you win arsehole!”

“Thank you.” he whispered.

“What's that? The great Kylo Ren is thanking me. Really? What has the world come to?”

“Drop it Hux!” Ren warned him. Folding his arms across his chest frustrated to no end now.

“I’m going home.” He said just as his Uber pulled up in front of him. He got in, slammed the door, leaving Hux yelling at him from the curb. He needed to be home. He needs to calm the fuck down before he lashed out, doing something he would surely regret in the morning. He was a fucking bundle of nerves and trepidation.  _ I can’t believe he fucking bought a dominatrix session just so I could see her again. _ He was terrified of how this might play out.  _ Badly _ , he assured himself, as everything did when it came to women.

Once he had made it into his apartment he just lost it! All the bent up emotion spiraling out of him uncontrollably as he punched his fist into the wall letting the pain wash over him calming him instantly.  He crashed against the cold ruff fabric of the couch, face buried in the pillows. “Fuck” whimpered. _How can I even pull this off?_ _I do not know what to even do_. _Maybe I should just call it off. They could keep the donation he didn’t need the money... No!_ _Then she’ll ‘think I’m a coward or an asshole._ That wasn’t what he wanted. He needed to find the courage to go through with it.

As he let his thoughts race from one to the next, going over the evening step by step, he relished the images of her. Coming back around to the present. He was much calmer now he could think straight again. He looked at the wall and the hole he put through it and sighed.  

As he laid there staring up at the ceiling he began to contemplate his leaning towards emotional outburst and his attachment to pain. He looked at his hand scraped and bloody starting to swell. Remembering how the pain from the act of punching the wall had calmed him down. He found it funny that pain always seemed to have an actual soothing effect. Not that the breaking of objects or just destroying everything in his path wasn’t fun. Which he often did when he lost it but. It was never calming. Pain always brought him back to himself. Whether it was self-inflicted or done by another it didn’t matter.  _ Pain grounds me in a way nothing else can, I liked it! I understand it. _

He remembers cutting himself over and over again watching the wounds gaping open, his blood flowing out of him. He felt cleansed and at peace when he did it. The physical pain would override all the emotional pain and trauma that he could not handle when he was young. From as far back as he can remember he had turned to pain to fortify himself. He hadn’t cut himself in over 5 years but, he had found other ways to receive pain. Punching out the drywall was, of course, his favorite.

He paused.  _ Maybe this session with Lady Rey would be just what I need. She could bring me physical, tangible pain. _ The thought ignited the desire in him all over again.

~~~~

 

Rey stripped out of her getup, not caring about everyone else in the dressing room.  _ I just need to put her baggy sweats on and get the fuck out of here. _ She had reached her social limit and was just done, not feeling up to fending off drunk boys or girls tonight. It had been a bloody long day. But, she was happy to help those in need, her sister’s on the street who had it far worse off than she did. Pleased with herself that she had raised $1,000 for the cause. Now all that was needed was a bed, a hot cup of cinnamon tea, and a good old curl up with her little fur ball BB. 

As she packed up her stuff, she wondered about the tall one. He was different, a bewildering mix of insecurity and strength. _So beautiful._ She marveled at the image in her mind. She felt pulled to him. His silky black main had framed his alluring face and his eyes burned like black suns. _I could get lost in those eyes._ _Fuck!_ She stopped herself. _This is just business. You know the rules, Rey. You don't mix business with pleasure._ Her mistress had drilled that rule into her. She didn’t even know who he was. _He’s just some guy who bought my serves, that was all, right?_ _Now don’t go all Pretty Woman on him Rey!_

Deep down inside she knew she couldn't help herself there was just something about him.  The vibrations that had moved between them felt like a symphony coming to life. She had to know but, she was scared to death of intimate relationships. She just didn’t know how to be in one. How to open up, she had been hurt far too many times by people she thought loved her. They had neglected her, used her, and abandoned her without a care. Love was just a fucking fantasy for the weak. She thought, falling quickly back into her defensive mode.  _ I don’t need love. All it ever bought was an endless cycle of wounds and scars.  _ Her heart felt heavy again. Now all she wanted was a bottle of wine to droned herself in. 

“Hay Rey, you ok?” Finn asked looking at her softly.

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

Let me take you home I can see Poe at home after this circus is over.

“You're the best, Love. Thank you.” Finn put his brotherly arm around her and walked her out front to catch an Uber.  

Finn had been one of the few exceptions in her life when it came to someone actually caring for her, with Poe and Rose not far behind. They were her family now. She was still trying to figure out how to be part of one, how to be in a relationship and she was grateful for the chance. 

She wasn’t ready to share her encounter with the stranger yet. It was too overwhelming and she needed to sort it out before she could talk about what she was feeling. She needs some time alone to think.

Finn talked on and on about her scene with Poe and how it was so fucking hot and how he knew he’d have his hands full when Poe got home. She just laughed to herself. Grateful that Finn would see to Poe and he wouldn’t come looking to her. The openness of the group, sexually, was new to her she was fully on board for the Poly thing philosophically but, her inexperience in relationships and communication made it difficult for her the fully engage. Fortunately for her, her chosen family was understanding and reassuring, helping her find her way.


	2. Connection and Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to know each other a little better and Ren comes to grip with his urges. Ren Shower scene :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Warning**  
> Reference to past suicide attempt.

Saturday

The morning light burned against Ren’s eyelids. He opened his eyes slowly he was feeling sore, confused, and seeing spots. He tried to gain an understanding of where he was. To his dismay, he realized that he had fallen asleep on the couch. Shit, his neck hurt, his head was pounding, and he was cranky. _I’m too fucking old for passing out on small furniture._ He dragged his sorry ass to the kitchen starting the coffee, going through the motions from pure muscle memory. At this point thought was beyond his capability.

He made his way to the shower ruffly striping off his clothes as he walked. His form-fitting cotton T-shirt nearly ripped off at the doorway to his room, his leather belt flung across the room slamming against a wall, his Levi's forced down and left in a pile on the hardwood floor, and lastly, his briefs shimmied off unceremoniously on to the cold tiled floor of his bathroom.

He flipped the shower on hot. Stepping into the burning water and letting it run over him, cleaning away the scent of the club and sleep from his eyes. As the water pressed against the skin of his back he could feel his muscles giving way to the warmth. His brain played over his encounter with lady Rey last night, remembering her eyes, her lips, her hips, the way she moved and smiled at him, the way her voice filled him with utter joy. He was hard again. He looked down at himself at a loss. Shame welled up in him. He had been so cut off from these sorts of urges for so long. He felt uncomfortable now needing the release. Tentatively he touched himself feeling a shudder roll through him. He was so sensitive he was sure he wouldn't last long.

Closing his eyes he focused on her as he to himself to hand, stroking hard and slow while he submerging himself completely under the force of the water. As he moved up and down his length moans fell from his lips and goosebumps traveled up through him, pressing outward against the surface of his skin, blossoming there with a tingling shiver, then quickly disintegrating under the heat of the water. He lingered on the thought of kissing her neck then making his way thoroughly down her body he felt the cresting of his desire surging through his spine and up, up into his brain. The damn within him cracking open and spilling forward as he fell against the wall trembling, watching as his cum flow from him and washing down the drain in a swirl of creamy white.

Breathing laboredly as he cleaned himself off and put his head back under the stream of heat letting it sooth him. He fucking loved showers. It was often quite difficult to pull himself away from them. The water felt like a lovers touch tantalizing, invigorating and engulfing. Wonderfully intoxicating until it water ran cold.

He stepped out of the shower and back on to the arctic flooring, dried himself off, went to his closet to pull out yet another black on black ensemble, much like the one from last night. It was so much easier to just wear the same thing all the time. He hated making decisions in his personal life. He had to that every day at work.

Once dressed he made a beeline for the coffee. After gulping most of it down his mind started to kick into gear. Last night's events flooded in again. He grabbed his wallet off the coffee table and fished out Lady Rey's card. He was to call her today, per her instructions. He felt a lot better about the whole idea now. He had been ashamed at his outburst over the years and all the damage he left in his wake but now he understood some of why he did it and possibly had a less violent way to explore it and control it better. Yet deep inside he knew there was a truer reason for seeking her out. He felt undeniably drawn to her. Compelled to grant her every whim, to be with her for better or worse he didn’t care that he could be wounded beyond repair if she turned him away. He had to know. He had to try. He picked up his phone and typed in the number

To Rey > Good morning Lady Rey, How are you?

To Ren >Hello tall one. I am good. How are you?

To Rey > Good! Great actually! Would you still like to meet up? Can I take you to lunch?

To Ren > I’d love to but I am at work at the moment. Dinner perhaps?

I would love to! Can I pick up up around 7 pm?

To Ren > YES! That would be great! I am at Pegasus on College Ave. Do you know the place?

To Rey >Yes! See you at 7 pm

To Ren > I look forward to seeing you.

To Ray > And I you!

Rey looked down at her phone dumbfounded. Shit! What did I just do? I just told him where I worked and agreed to dinner. _NO, actually you asked him to dinner. Fuck! What was I thinking? That’s not a low key, let's get coffee and negotiate your session exchange. Cleary I am not thinking straight all._ She put her phone away shaking her head. _I am fucking doomed._ Putting her hand to her forehead in exasperation. This was just not like her. Why did she feel so comfortable with and drawn to this perfect stranger? They'd only spoke a few moments and now she was letting him in. In to her life.

The hours sped by as Rey went through her stocking routine, making sure everything was tidy. It was simple work, yet meditative. It was not enough to make ends meet alone though and as a student, she needs flexible time to get her projects done and it worked well mixed in with the Dom work.  
  
Saturdays were busy but mostly cheerful. Unless some prick came in and made her day a living hell. Today had been prick free, thank goodness. As the 5 o'clock hour rolled around she started to fret over seeing Kylo Ren again. As enticing the thought of seeing him was, she was fearful of how her feelings were clouding her judgment. She found herself fantasizing a bit about how it might play out. How their session could be moved from one of professionalism to one of deeper connection. She just couldn’t help herself. His face had been haunting her all day. She kept thinking about what his lips would taste like and those enormous strong hands being all over her. How was she going to do her part when all she wanted was to submit to him. _That’s not your job Rey! He paid for a session with Lady Rey, not Rey, the book clerk, AKA starving artist._ She had a role to play and she would do it but, still, she hoped that somehow she’d find a way into his heart.

The bell rang in the front pulling her out of her thoughts. She emerged from the back to find Finn standing at the counter.

“Finn! I’m so glad to see you!” She ran to him giving him a big hug.

“Well, I thought I should check up on my besty. You left before I woke this morning… You were in quite a state last night.”

“Yeah, sorry. I was exhausted and well...:”

“...What?”

“Umm...You know the guy who won the session with me last night?”

“Yeah, Whyyyyyyyyy?”

“Well I told him to text me and that we could meet up to go over stuff for the session and... well...and agreed to have dinner with him tonight. No, Actually, I asked him to dinner.”

“Are you kidding me? I thought you didn’t get involved with your clients, Rey?”

“ I don’t. I mean...It’s just there's something about him. He feels like.... like home... like I have known him all my life. It’s terrifying, strange, and fascinating, all mixed up in a big mess.”

“Oh. Ooooh…. Is this like love at first sight?”

“I...I don’t know. I have never felt like this Finn. I am scared.”

“Oh Peanut”

“I know, this could end poorly I am shit at relationships, as you know. But, I have to see how it plays out. I have to know.”

“You know I am here for you right? No matter what you chose to do or what goes down. Just be careful. OK?”

“Of course.”

“When is he meeting you.”

“He’s picking me up at 7.”

“ Wait, You told him where you work?” He shook his head “ You really aren't thinking straight are you?”

“No, Not really.”

“Ok promise me you will text me his name, phone number, everything! And turn your location sharing on and invite me”

“Yes, dad!” Taking her phone and doing as he said.

“I just want you to be safe.” Finn hugged her tight.

“I really think I’ll be fine. Besides I can probably kick his ass.”

“You think so? He looked awfully big.”

“I’ll be fine, really! I grew up on the wrong side of the freeway remember?”

“Ok, well I gotta go pick up Poe. We have a Netflix and chill date if you know what I mean?”

“Got it!”

“Oh, and if you get lucky to let us know if you're not coming home.”

“Finn!!! I am not getting lucky tonight!”

“You say that now but, look how far you come since last night, she who gave up dating!”

She punched his arm. “Go get Poe!”

“See ya peanut.” He kissed her forehead, hugged her one more time, then he was out the door.

Rey went back to finish up her task trying to calm her mind. Sometime later Rose arrived she was doing the late shift.

“Hi Rey, how’s everything?”

“Ummm good, really good but, I need to take a break and get ready.”

“Hot date?”

“Yes. I mean no. Oh fuck, I don’t really know.”

“Ooook... you want to talk about it?” Eyebrow raised in concern.

“No he’ll be here soon and I really just want to go pull myself together. Can’t we talk later?”

“Of course ReyRey! Anytime.”

“Your the best!”

“I know. Now go get your game face on.”

Once in the WC Rey just stared into the mirror nervous beyond belief. She worried about every little morsel she could dredge up. She was just Rey without her slick dominatrix getup. She felt more shy, more vulnerable. She didn't feel pretty, everything she was wearing seemed to not look right, she fused and pulled at her clothes. What if he thinks your to plain without all that makeup and fancy clothes. She looked pale and stressed. She splashed some cold water on her face put some soft lips gloss on and pinched her checks.

  
She took a deep breath, then another. Finding her resolve she faced of the mirror image of herself. Well if he doesn't like you for who you are, then fuck him! Right? RIGHT!

She went back out front to hang out with Rose and to wait out the last few minutes of her shift.

~~~

Ren was trepidatious and so fucking excited. He felt like he might leap out of his skin from the tremors that moved through him as he tried to drive.

He was a bit surprised that he’d asked her to lunch and that she had countered with dinner. Was this a date? He wondered. No, she’s doing this just to negotiate the terms of their agreement. I can’t assume she feels that same way as I do.

He had no idea how this would go, what the discussion about the session would intel, or what he would say. He didn’t even know completely what he wanted out of this. The only thing Ren new for certain was he wanted to know her for who she truly was. He was captivated by her. And the scene that she performed last night sparked a fire in him that was threatening to burn him alive. But, he was convinced that there was something deeper, something precious, something magical in their connection. He had to know.

He finally found parking. It was a nightmare trying to park in Rockridge on a Saturday night. He’d made a reservation Oliveto’s because he knew it was well appointed, not to fancy and the food was often impressive given the simpleness of it. Everybody likes Italian right? And besides his uncle owned the place so he had no problem getting in last minute.

He made his way to her work reminiscing about his days at Berkley when he lived in this neighborhood. He’d loved it back then. When the street was dotted with locally owned shops and friendly neighbors who talked to each other. Now it was overly populated and most of the quaint shops were gone. He noticed lots of empty storefronts along the main street. The only thing that really did well here anymore where the high-end restaurants and Market Hall. It was kept alive by the foodie scene and city commuters who could afford the area.

He found himself in limbo just across the street from the store. From where he stood he could see here happily chatting with a short Asian girl behind the counter. Maker, she’s beautiful. He mused to himself. She looked different from last night. More real. He liked it. He took a deep breath to settle himself. Then slowly walked across the street and into the store. He was met with the all too familiar smell of old books, her bright eyes, and the sweetest smile he has ever seen.

“Hi” she waved at him cheerfully.

He smiled at her taking all of her in as she came from behind the counter towards him wearing cowboy boots, a short skirt that showed off her long legs, a T-shirt with a bolero style jacket, and a hat. All in black just like him. She was adorable. A smile crossed his face from ear to ear.

“Hello, Lady Rey,” he said shyly.

“Please, just call me Rey.”

“Ok, Rey.” She was standing so close to him now he had to fight the urge to touch her. He looks down into her hazel eyes feeling himself falling into her depths.

The girl behind Rey cleared her throat pulling him out of his decent.  
  
“ Oh right. Rose this is Kylo Ren.” Rey said breaking away from those eyes of his. I am in fact doomed! He is so fucking beautiful!

“You can call me Ren” He corrected gently.

“Ok, Ren this is Rose.”

“Good to meet you, Ren,” Rose said with a huge smile on her face.

“likewise” He responded. She was introducing him to her friends. _That was a good sign. Right?_

“Ok, let's go,” Rey said full of excitement.

“You two be good now,” Rose called after them. Rey turned to see her fanning herself, shaking her head, and faking a whistle. Rey just glared at her.

Once on the street, Rey said, “Where to?”

“I made reservations at Oliveto’s. I haven't been there in years. I hope that's alright?”

“Sure, sounds great!”

They made their way to the restaurant. Rey was glad it was not a fancy dress sort of place. As she took a look around the dining room filled with people chatting away and drinking.

“Reservations?” the all too snooty waiter questioned them at the door.

“Solo” He muttered.

The waiter looked taken back. “Of course Mr. Solo, right this way sir.”

Rey looked at him with disbelief why had he used the name Solo.“Who’s Solo?” She probed him?

“It’s my family name. I’ll explain later,” he said quickly.

Rey felt a warm sensation as he put his hand at the small of her back and lead her through the restaurant. They were seated at a lovely window seat, easily the best seat in the house. He pulled the chair out for her.

Ren couldn’t help but notice the edge of her stockings as her skirt slid up her thigh when she sat down. His mouth watered just thinking of trailing his hands up her thigh to the edge of her stocking and slowing working it down her leg as he kissed the soft skin of her inner thigh.

Ren was wrenched from his fantasy by an all too familiar voice.

“Ben Solo! My god is that you?” An older gentleman with a long wild beard approached the table with a huge smile.

Rey felt confused. Who is this Ben Solo? Why did he change his name? It seemed so odd to her and she could tell he was completely uncomfortable being referred to as Ben. Much less wanting her to know about it. She decided to file it away for now. She barely knew him and this was a personal matter, not one to concern herself with, at least not now. If they became something more, then maybe, but that was a big if. Right?

“Hi, Uncle Lando,” He said sheepishly.

Lando stared at Rey “And who is this lovely creature? Don’t tell me someone finally made a man out of you boy!” He patted Rens back.

“This is Rey.” Ren said turning bright red. Trying to ignore his uncles teasing.

“ A pleasure,” Lando said taking her hand and kissing it quickly.

Rey blushed at the gesture. What was it with the hand kissing? She wondered. Ren did it too. It seemed rather old fashion. Apparently, the chivalry stuff runs in the family. She was conflicted by it. Despising it from a logical standpoint but, finding it enduring and pleasurable at the same time.

“Well, I will not keep you two. Ben, you should call your mother and don’t be such a stranger. You know my door is always open, no matter what.”

“I know, thank you,” Ren said uncomfortably. He worried that this might have been a bad move on his part, to bring her here. There would surely be questions in regards to his family if this, whatever this was now between them moved to a more intimate path. He just didn’t want to dig up the past tonight.

“I’ll send over a bottle of one of my favorites, on the house of course” Lando smiled wide and patted Ren on the back. Then disappeared just as quickly as he had emerged.

There was silence between them neither knowing where to begin. Rey was trying to muster the courage to say something since Ren was reluctant to start. Putting her Pro Dom hat on she broke the silence.

“So, Ren, what are you looking for in this session?”

“I... I am not sure. I have never done anything like this before”

“I see. Well, what is it that made you bid on the session?” She noticed that he was turning even darker red if that was possible. His eyes turned downward. He looked young now, lost, and unsure.

“I was intrigued by what I saw last night” Ren offered. It wasn’t a lie but, not the full truth either. He couldn't just blurt out what he was feeling it was too much too soon. He wanted her but, he wasn’t ready to say that just yet.

“Ok. Great. I’ll start with some basic rules then we can explore more details. Sound all right”

Ren nodded

“First we will need to establish a safe word and a way to gauge if something is working or if it's getting to be much. I will need to know what you like. It’s good to know what your willing to try and the things you are not comfortable with doing.

“What do you mean safe word?” Ben interrupted

“Oh, of course, sorry. You pick a word that you will use in the session when you want whatever is going on to stop immediately, for whatever reason. You speak it, I stop. No judgment. Your safety is the most important here. The word should not be “no” or ‘Stop” It should be a word that would never be used in BDSM session such as... say... Violets or Mustang. Also, I like to use the red light, green light metaphor to help you guide me in what is working, what is pushing your boundaries, and when I am getting too close to something that is not ok with you. I want you to feel safe and be able to communicate with me clearly and without hesitation. Don’t and stop can sometimes be misconstrued. So with the light system, you have a spectrum to work with. Red means no, or don’t go there. Yellow means caution, not sure about this, warning this is uncomfortable move slowly. Green means love it, more, keep going. That make sense?”

“Yes,” He was only now just beginning to understand what he had gotten himself into. There was fear dancing at the edge of his brain taunting him with insecure thoughts. Yet, he was way too turned on to not go through with it. His manhood pressed for release from the jeans that imprison it. Thank the maker there was a table to cover his lap from her view.

“Greetings,” Said the waiter holding a bottle of red wine in his hand already pouring a taste for Ren to try.  “This is compliments of the house. It's a locally made Sangiovese from Rosenblum Cellars” He handed the glass to Ren. He took it gently swishing its contents around, looking at the legs dripping down from the rim, he inhaled the scent of the nectar deeply, finally bring it to his lips taking a sip.

Rey was transfixed. Her mouth was watering just watching him perform his well-rehearsed ritual. When he offered the glass to her she wasn’t sure what to do. She gingerly took it and attempted to imitate him.

“What do you smell?” Ren asked with a sweetly laced whisper.

“It smells like cherries and plums with a bit of cinnamon.” She offered hesitantly. Sure she was wrong in her analysis.

“You have a good nose,” He said.

She raised the glass to her lips and drank. It was a delight to her senses it tastes somewhat like she had described with an added spiciness and a buttery finish.

”It’s perfect,” Ren said to the waiter. Seeing the pleasure on her face. She was perfect.

The waiter poured each of them a generous glass and moved away. They each sipped their wine regarding the each other. Ren was looking for words, trying to clear his mind, he felt flushed and overstimulated. He took a few deep breaths then picking up the menu he asked, “Do you know what you would like?”

“Why don’t you order for me,” Rey said suggestively. She was testing the waters of his dominance and control leanings. She wanted to know just how much he liked to be in control.

“As you wish, Milady,” He said with a big smile on his face and a slight bow of his head to her. He looked towards the waiter at the edge of the room and tipped his head up in a silent signal to indicate they were ready to order. The waiter was there within seconds.

“Yes Mr. Solo, what would you like?”

“Let’s start with the Arugula and Goat Cheese salad and some fresh beard with olive oil. Then we will both have the Tortellini with Coriander Blossom.”

“Right away Mr. Solo. Thank you”

Rey notices that Ren’s demeanor was now totally self-assured. He was completely at ease in taking control, he was in his element. Perfect she thought this will help him ease into the negotiations. _Better to have him calm before she turned the tables on him in session._

Ren realized he was breathing better now that he had some semblance of control. He was still nervous as hell but doing something as simple as ordering food for them felt grounding to him. He had not realized how involved and complicated this was going to be and he had no idea what the hell he was doing. But, he felt like he could take it head on now. Looking at her expectantly “So where were we?”

“Safe words and rules” She offered. “Are you comfortable with us using the light metaphor to gage the session?”

“Yes”

“What about a safe word?”

“Violets works for me.”

“Alright. Now for the rules. First, the session is non-sexual. You are not allowed to touch me...” She paused taking a moment to think about that. _I’d actually love him to touch me!_ She had to remain professional for now thou. “Unless I direct you to do so. Understood?”

“Of course”

“During the session, I will be directing you in what you are to do. Are you comfortable with taking orders?”

“Yes,” His heart was racing.

“You will use the red light green light system to let me know what is working or not working. And, as I said, your safe word “violets” is to be used when you need or want me to stop the session.”

“Ok” Ren swallowed hard her voice was so commanding his insides twisted with lust. He knew he would do whatever she bloody well told him. He would be at her mercy and he relished the thought of it.

“Alright so let's discuss what you are comfortable with.”

Ren nodded in agreement.

“would you be open to bondage”

“Yes”

“Restraining you our hands behind your back”

“Yes”

“Would you like being gagged”

“NO. Red light.” His body stiffened.

“Noted.” Ray nodded in understanding.

“Can I blindfold you?” Ren hesitated then, “Yes,” he said with determination realizing he actually trusted her, unconditionally. There were only a few things he would not want her to do to him.

“Ok good. We are defining your boundaries, this is perfect.” She was fully aware of his uncomfortableness rising in him. She felt it flow over her like a rushing river.

“How are you with being touched?” She asked softly her eyes looking into his. Watching them closing trying to read every flicker of emotion they would betray.

“Umm ....” Ren didn’t want to say he didn’t like to be touched, even though that was how he generally felt. Here and now he wanted nothing more than for her to touch him.

“Only by you,” he said honestly. realizing too late that he had said that out loud. _Shit_. _Was that too much?_

“Really?” She had seen the fear shimmer over his eyes, then they shifted to softness, and then filled with desire.

“Yes, I would like that very much!... Honestly... I am not used to people touching me.”

“I see, well if at any point you feel uncomfortable please tell me, use your words. Ok?”

“Thank you.”

“How do you feel about spanking?”

“Greenlight.” He was absolutely delighted in the idea.

“With a flogger”

“Please!” She enjoyed the way he said please. It was sincere, primal, needy.

“How about a whip”

“Maybe, yellow light”

“Noted”

“What about being humiliated”

“NO” Ren squirmed. He had had way too much of that in his life.

“Understood, its ok, we do not need to do that. We only do what you feel comfortable with.”

The food arrived before she could continue.  
Rey’s eyes went wide when she saw the spread before her. “This looks amazing!”

“It’s one of my favorite dishes here.” He watched her as she took her first bite. Her face filled with joy.

“Oooooh, Maker! This is delicious!” Rey moaned.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Ren was torn for a moment, wanting to continue the session talk but, also wanting to get to know her better. He had lots of burning questions. _Do you have a boyfriend? Are you attracted to me? Can I touch you, kiss you?_  Stilling himself he stopped the runaway train.

“So, tell me about yourself.” He asked with resolve.

“Oh, umm, well, where should I begin... Umm... I’m a Dom, as you know, and I work at the bookstore. But, my real love is art.”

“What is medium do you work in?”

“I do a lot of different stuff actually. I have a hard time limiting myself to just one. I feel drawn to different mediums depending on the subject matter or what it is I want to evoke in the viewer. I started off drawing when I was a kid. I would sit up all night drawing the cover of cds or people out of magazines. When I was 16 I was introduced to photography and fell completely in love with it. Black and white of course.” Rey stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry I am rambling. How about you tell me something about yourself what do you love to do?”

“No need to apologize. I like hearing how excited you are about your art. It's invigorating. Really!”

“Thank you but, I'd still like to hear from you.”

“My life is rather boring really. I’m a programmer and a bit of a workaholic actually. I find it hard to navigate the rest of the world. Numbers I understand, people not so much. I use to play the piano but haven't in a long time…” He trailed off somewhat solemnly. _Can I tell you just how fucked up I really am? Would you look at me the same?_ He looked up at her. “I also collect, art that is. “

“Really? Omg, that's awesome!”

“I can show you my collection sometime if you would like? It’s mostly modern, sculpture some abstract work, some photography too.” _I’d show the world if you let me._

“I would love that!”

Ren felt a sense of pride, his ego swelling just a bit. The thought of her in his apartment lingered in his mind and his neurons doing a happy dance. He could envision her sprawled across his black satin shets her porcelain skin, in contrast, his very own black and white snapshot. _Get a grip_ Ren _!_

“So do you have any questions about our session?” Trying to pull him back from wherever he went.

“I guess, I am not sure about how the whole thing works. Not sure what to expect.”

“Well we have a few ways we can go about it. We can either do a whole scene where we play characters. Or we can do strait domination where I lead you through different dominate exercises, so to speak. I can bend you over my lap and spank you. Make you get down on your knees and beg me to flog you. I can tie you up and blindfold you then drag my nails down your back. I can order you to striptease for me....”

She stops noticing that Ren’s eyes have gone wide, completely black, his chest heaving, swallowing hard and licking his lips. He was clearly turned on but finding it hard to control himself fidgeting in his set looking like he just might pounce.

“Any of that sound good to you?” She smiled mischievously. Knowing full well he was more than interested in everything she had just laid out.

Ren swallowed again trying to find composure enough to speak. He hid his wringing hands under the table. He was so fucking hard! If she said another word he felt like he would self-combust.

“All...all of it.” He choked out.

“You ok?” Rey said reaching her hand across the table for his.

He looked at her softly shaking his head yes. His eyes were pools of desire. He looked like he wanted to take her right then and there if she’d let him. He slowly reached for her hand touching her fingers with a feather-like touch. When their hands touched it felt like the fucking fourth of July. The surrounding room seemed to burst with color and light. Everyone around them faded out. It was just them now falling into one another's eyes, their hands lacing together.

“I... I never imagined...” he started but lost his words.

“We can take it slow.” She assured him.

They sat there in silence looking into each other then back down at their hands entwined. Ren was gently caressing hers the sparks crossing the skin barrier headed straight for her heart.

Lost in his imaginings, he absentmindedly opened her hand drawing fine lines across her palm feeling the softness of it and longing for more. Then he dragged his finger up her wrist noticing her tattoo, stopping right over it, he saw the tiny semicolon with birds flying from it.

She froze. _Fuck._ She hadn’t meant for him to see that. She pulled away quickly hiding her hands.

Ren withdrew looking hurt and confused. Taking a deep breath he took off his blazer and placed it over the back of the chair proceeding to roll up his left sleeve to reveal the very same tattoo.

“Oh!” Rey whispered.

Their eyes meet in recognition of the symbol and with the undeniable feeling of complete understanding rolling over each of them. They both knew exactly what the tattoo meant and how much it meant to them personally. They shared the same secret made known only partly to those who knew what the symbol stood for.

She reached out to him again and he took her hand quickly. He felt a sense of relief and acceptance. He was taken back by the thought that she too had, at one point in her life, felt just as hopeless and depressed as he had. Enough so that she wanted to take her one life. He wanted to make sure she never felt that way again. The protector rising up within him. He wanted to make sure she never felt that way again.

Rey watched him she found it hard to believe someone as handsome and self-assured would be driven to the point of wanting to end it all. Behind his strong-willed exterior, she had seen the softness in his eyes the fleeting moments of fear and longing and something else, an urgency, reaching, searching, lost. Her heart ached for him. Not just out of desires but in wanting to comfort him, to reflect his light back to him. She wanted to help heal the secret wounds he harbored in his soul. There was part of her that felt daunted by the thought of that task and yet she was drawn in. This connection between them was undeniable.

“You're not alone…” Ren whispered

“Neither are you,” Rey said smiling up at him.

They finished dinner watching each other and holding hands in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable sort of silence the air between them was alight with a swirling powerful energy. It was like the atoms within and those surrounding them were vibrating at a higher frequency. Words could not convey what was exchanged between them.

Rey final spoke up knowing they need to move forward as the restaurant was emptying. “ When would you like to have your session,” She asked softly.

“ As soon as you are free?”

“Tomorrow then?” She smiled.

“Perfect” He whispered eyes still locked on her.

They finished their wine and pack up there things. Said their goodbyes to Lando who winked at them and refusing to let them pay. Then they made there way outside.  
  
“Can I give you a left” Ren offered.

“Thanks but, I can go home with my roommate she is closing up the store soon. But, let me give you the address of the studio for tomorrow. Oh, and what time works for you.”

“I am free all day.”

“How about we meet at 2 pm?”

“Great.”

“This is the address.” Rey handed him a different card than the one she had last night.

“Anything I need to bring?” He asked hesitantly.

“Were something you feel amazing in, and something that is comfortable to wear. Also, bring a towel and overnight bag to clean up with.”

Ren’s eyebrow went up in speculation.

“I like to be prepared. You just might want to take a shower after our the session.”

“Oh, ok, sure” He had kind of hoped she meant it as an invitation.

“Thank you for a lovely dinner”

“My pleasure” Ren took her hand and kissed it slowly and delicately holding it to his lips longer than needed. “Until tomorrow then.”

“ I look forward to it.”

“As do I.” Ben turned and walked off down the street.

Rey looked after him longing. ‘Look back. Please look back. I need to know.’ Ben as if hearing her quite plea looked back at her and smiled before he turned the corner. Rey’s heart soared.


	3. The Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can I say a description would just take all the fun out of it. Time to play...
> 
> Here is a Mood Board I started on Pinterest for some inspirational images if you like that sort of thing. ;)
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/callferrer/blood-pain-and-love/
> 
> And some Inspirational music:  
> Angel By Massive Attack  
> Bent By MatchBox Twenty  
> Strangelove By Depeche Mode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* Knife Play and a bit of blood drawn.

Sunday

Ren was up early pacing the apartment in anticipation, wearing nothing but his boxers. He couldn’t stay still and his morning coffee only seemed to make it worse. He hasn't felt this awake, ever.  Anxiety was mounting, stomach twisting in knots as he mulled over the coming session. He felt like a lovesick puppy lost in the need for approval and adoration. His mind played a million different possible scenarios. They ran the full gambit between complete disasters to ridiculous fairytales of finding the one. He was a master of chess so his brain fell easily into that pattern of thinking. He had to look at everything from all sides, every possible move, and every outcome. It really didn’t help.

“Shit!” He cursed.  _ I got to work off some of this energy _ .  _ I can’t just keep worrying about what's going to happen. Time for a run. _  He pulled on his sweatpants and tennis and ran out the door. 

~~~

Rey stood in front of the full-length mirror piles of clothing strung all over the floor and her bed. She was in one of those states where she wanted to look perfect from head to toe but, her insecurities were having none of it. She flopped down on the floor dropping her head between her knees. _I have done this a billion times why is this so bloody now_. _Because... it’s him!_ _You let him get under your skin. You have feelings for him, and you do not do well with complicated_. She was feeling the panic welling up. _You have to breathe Rey! Get your shit together for fuck sakes! OK, Ok, Breath in deeply, then out slowly and fully. In and out, that's it, you got this._ She encouraged herself. _Just keep breathing_. She sat cross-legged breathing until she felt complete calm and at peace. 

Slowly she got up and put the same outfit she had worn Friday night. She gathered up all her toys and stuffed then her duffle bag. Throwing a change of clothes and her makeup bag in. She’d do her make up at the studio. It was here ritual for sliding into her Lady Rey persona.

She chose her higher heeled boots, taking Ren’s hight in mind, and a pair of black silk thigh-highs. Then she covered herself with a long black coat big hat and dark sunglass she was ready to face the outside world.

An hour later Rey walked into the Dungeon. Signed in and grabbed the keys to the studio she shared with a few other Doms. No one seemed to be around today it was early yet.

Once inside she made sure everything was in place, dimmed the lights, lit some candles and set out her toys on the table and disinfected them just in case. It was always good to introduce your client to the toys and show them the space it helped to prepare them. Her goal was to make him feel as safe as possible so, he could open himself up to her. He had to trust her for the session to go deep.

She sat down in the attached dressing room to apply her makeup. She put on foundation, eyeshadow, and eyeliner creating a dramatic look, dark and sultry just as she always did. She brushed her checks with a touch of blush to accentuate her check bones then apply a dark burgundy lipstick. She dusted her neck with honey dust. Pulled her hair up tight in three knots down the back of her skull. She put here long velvet gloves on. With one last look in the mirror, she felt Lady Rey finally take control and she was ready. Ready for him.

~~~

Ren stood outside the address she had given him. The area was desolate, stark, and industrial. The building seemed to be an old warehouse, a couple of stories high,  windows all painted a dark gray. The address almost to small to read from the street. He rang the doorbell and the intercom came to life. “Yes”

“I’m here to see Lady Rey”

“What is your safe word?”

“Violets” He heard the door unlock and he opened it.

Inside he found a room much like a living room with a leather couch and chair, walls a scarlet red. It smelled floral.  _  I know that sent … Ah yes, lily of the valley! _  He inhaled deeply. Slowly he looked around taking it all in. He was drawn to the art adorning the walls. Abstract yet figurative in the opposite of black and white with the occasional bits of red thin swirls that looked like string and gray washes were the edges of the black and white merged as one. They felt sexual and spiritual woven together by fate.

When Rey saw him standing there lost in her work she felt suddenly shy he looked at it with such intensity she couldn’t tell if he liked or was scrutinizing it. She wanted to ask but felt it was not the time.  _ There will be more time I  hope. _

He was lost in the whirlwind of one piece that made his insides ache when he felt the energy in the room shift.  A chill washed over him. It felt like electricity bouncing off the walls. He turned to find her dripped in leather and lace standing almost as tall as him.  She was in high heel boots laced up to just below her knees. _ You're a goddess.  _

Rey walked slowly towards him with her left hand on her hip, her eyes dark orbs, lips the color of blood. Stopping in front of him she took hold of his chin forcefully.

“Are you ready Ren?” She looks into him as if she was looking into his very soul.

“Yes” Feeling his control slipping away quickly. Her power drawing him in. knowing he would never refuse her.

“Come!” 

Ren walked behind her watching her ass swing back and forth, her curves rubbing against the leather of her skirt. His sex roared to life. 

Once inside she locked the door behind him. The room was candle lit and warm. All around him he could see the instruments of her work and the promise of pain. 

“Put your bag down and come closer Ren”

He stood before her now waiting, watching her as she inspected him closely as if she was committing his form to memory. 

“On your knees” she commanded.

He dropped down immediately. Instantly feeling himself relinquishing his control to her. His head bowed.

“Look at me” She grabbed his hair forcing his head upward. He loved it. No one as ever pulled his hair before. It was an amazing feeling, tantalizing.  Goosebumps flood the surface of his neck and shoulders. He looked at her full a passion now.

“Will you submit to me?” Rey directed him.  _ Fuck your beautiful on your knees! _

“Yes”

“I didn’t hear you Ren!” pulling harder on his hair. It hurt. He wanted more.

“Completely, Lady Rey”  _ I fear I will be yours as well. _

“That's better” She purred.

“Now, what are the rules?”

“No touching you unless you tell me to. I do everything you say. No sex. Use my safe word if I need you to stop.”

She released his hair and moved the butt of her flogger under his chin and backend him.

“Rise.” Ren jumped up in one move from kneeling to standing. 

“Impressive.” Grabbing his thigh. “So strong!” She couldn’t miss his erection as it pushes at the fabric of his. charcoal colored button up levis.  _ You want me just as much as I want you. Don’t you? _

“I see I have your attention”

Ren swallowed. “Undivided, Lady Rey” _ You have consumed me. _

“Hands behind you back Ren.” He hesitated. 

“NOW REN!” 

“Do you question me?”

“No, Lady Rey”

“Bad boys get punished, do you need to be punished Ren?” 

“Yes”

“Address me as Lady Rey or mistress, do you hear me?” She snapped her flogger at her side as a warning.

“Yes! Lady Rey.”

Pointing to a structure in the shape of an X and built out of wood she said, “This is the cross. There are restraints to hold you during the flogging.” she smiled wickedly.  Ren was entranced.

“And there we have a horse” she pointed to a long padded bar a top for legs at the other end of the room.

“And at the back are the suspension ropes.”

“You do like to be tied up don’t you Ren?” Drawing her gloved finger across his check.

“Yes Mistress”

“Good boy. Now let me introduce you to your new friends. She grabbed his chin again and dragged him forward by it. Bring him to a low table that had an a-ray of what he assumed were BDSM toys. handcuffs, whips, floggers, a bucket of Ice, metal clamps of several sizes, and knives”

“Knives?” He whimpered.

She picked up the dagger and twirled it in her hand effortlessly. “Yes Ren, Knives. How do you feel about knife play? 

“Yellow light... no green... green light” The thought of the still cutting into him sent a lightning bolt straight to his core.  _ You will be the death of me. _

“So you are willing to try Ren? I will only cut you if you beg me to.”

Ren felt a surge of desire rise in him as he imagined her cutting him, slicing his skin open, slowly letting him bleed. The blood running down his body, falling to the floor, pooling, all his sins redeemed.

He looked at her as if he was melting “Please Mistress”

“You like pain don’t you?”

“More than you could possibly know, Lady Rey”

“How much can you take?”

“All that you have to offer,” he said raising his head looking at her with no fear. “I am your's Rey.”  _ My body and soul are yours for the taking. _

Rey stepped back feeling the weight of his words. The use of her real name was not lost on her. Did he really mean this or was this just part of the game. 

“Do not lie to me Ren, ever! Do you understand?”

“Yes Mistress, I would never lie to Rey.”

“Are you mine?” She whispered. Looking into his eyes searching.  _ I need you more than you could possibly know. _

“I am your's Rey. Do with me what you will.” The words were falling from his lips before he could stop them. He felt his defenses grumbling before her. The walls were dismantling stone by stone with each word she spoke, with each command. She had barely touched him yet he felt her mark upon him, seared through to his heart. He was hers. He knew it the first time he saw her and now, now he could do nothing but submit to her will. He trusted her with his life without understanding why. There was no logic anymore, just the swelling of his heart and the longing in his blood and bones.

“Remove your shirt.” She demanded. She was flustered she needed the distraction.  _ Get back on track Rey! _

His tendency towards control reared up in him just a bit. He did as she asked at an agonizingly slow pace he wanted her to watch him, to wait, to need. He pulled it from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. 

Rey’s eye roamed his chest hungrily.  _ Fuck! _ He was a sight with his subtle alabaster skin. He looks like he was sculpted by the hands of Da Vinci himself. 

She noticed thin tiny scars etched down the one side of his abdomen, one after another, straight precise lines as if done with a scalpel. She removed her glove and stroked the cuts gently. He moaned but, didn’t move. His hands at his side fist clenched.

“Who did this to you?”

“I did, Mistress”

She knew exactly what they were and what they meant. The tell, tell signs of cutting oneself. She was all too familiar with the action and understood the need for it and how sometimes, just sometime it would make everything ok. 

Removing her hand “Turn around, Ren”

Once his back was to her she notices the other scars. They look different, uneven, random, and not self-inflicted.

“And these?” She said running her finger along the long scar cutting diagonally down his side to his back.

He stiffened and a low growl sounded from his chest. He was trembling now. 

“Tell me.”

“I was beaten, mistress,” He said standing up straighter and squaring his shoulders. “Their of no consequence.”

“Ren I want you to put your hands behind your back again.” She said a little gentler than she would normally.  

He did so without question placing one over the other knowing what was coming, welcoming it.

She wrapped his hands in a silk tie. Just tight enough to remind him to keep them where they were.

“Kneel” He obeyed.

She walked around him dangling a blindfold in front of him. “Do you want me to blindfold you, Ren? 

His breath hitched at the thought.

“Yes, Lady Rey.”

Grabbing his hair again in a tight fist and yanking it back. “Beg me Ren! ” she purred.

“Please... Mistress...please... I am at your mercy!”

She walked behind him twisting his hair as she went then letting it fall around his face. She placed the blindfold over his eyes tying it tightly behind his head.

Ren,’s senses were heightened with his eyes covered. He could smell the sweetness of her, a hint of honey and coconut mix with her own primal sent. He wanted to taste her, to drag his tongue through her sex savoring her nectar. His mouth was watering now.  _ I need you, Rey, Please take me. _

He could feel the air shift on his skin when she made the slightest move, the sound of the leather rubbing against her thighs. He could hear her breathing, the sound of her heels as she walked to his left, and as she moved something around then walking slowly back towards him.

She was close again as he felt the warmth of her breath upon his back. A shiver of expectation ran through him. He ached for her to touch him, to feel her silken skin against his, her lips upon him. 

Suddenly he felt the drag of claws across his back the shock of it thrilled him. He growled with passion arching his back in response.

“Did you like that”

“Yes Mistress”

“Do you want more, Ren?”

“Yessssss Lady Rey.”

“You know what you need to do.”

“Please Mistress... I beg of you... do it again...Please.” He whimpered.

She dug the claws in harder this time dragging the down his spine then coming around in front of him then down his chest the pain shot through him and his body ignited like fire.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh” He moaned in pleasure.

She stepped back waiting for him to plead again.

“Please, I beg of you, don’t stop... Please ...I need this. I need to feel the pain...Please Rey...”

She grabbed him from behind, her hand upon his neck pulling him towards her. Then he felt her nails upon him again clawing across his chest he was sure she had drawn blood this time.  

“Fuck” He inhaled with a hiss.

Then she grabbed his hair and pulled him back towards her. He scrambled to get up as she pulled him across the room bringing him up against something hard. 

“You are mine now” She whispered in his ear. The words tugged at his heart.

“Yes, Rey” She didn’t correct him. Her name upon his lips like this fluttered in her chest.  _ My names on your lips sounds like honey.  _

She untied him. Letting his hand fall free. Placing her hand on his chest she pushed him back gently until he felt himself up against the hard surface. She took hold of his hand raising it up and fastened it in a cuff against the wood then doing the same to other one. His arms were spread wide  when he felt her pushed her boot between his feet. “Spread your legs for me Ren.” He complied, spreading them wide. Aching for her.

He felt the claws run up the inside of his thigh sending lighting through him. His head fell back against whatever was supporting him. His manhood twitching in response. The deep growling rising inside of him again. He felt like a caged animal that would attacked as soon as it saw an opening. His hands opening and closing, letting his own mails dig deep into his palms.  _ Fuck  _ he wanted her so bad. He grit his teeth wishing he could see her, read her eyes.  _ Im being torn apart! _

Rey was restless, hot, and lustful.  Her body was betraying her. It screamed to touch him, taste him, take him. She was torn between continuing with the session or striping him down, throwing him on the couch, climbing on top of him and slide down his length, riding him till they both saw the stars. 

She could see his cock twitching as she felt her on desire between her legs wet and growing. She looked at him. He was beautiful.  His strong asymmetrical features, his pink wet and inviting lips, and thick black waves fall across his face. He was biting his lip now bucking forwards from the cross searching for her touch. Growling at her like a fierce tiger.

Determined to take back control she grabbed her flogger snapping it quickly mid air to warn him. She dragged the tendrils of leather up his arm to his shoulder hen down his chest. Pulling back she whipped at his thigh connecting only slightly. 

He arched forward. She waited.

“Please...Rey” He whispered. “.. I need ... Please.. !”

She struck out again this time with more force and he moaned deeply.  Angling her next shot across his chest just enough for him to feel a slight sting.

“Yes!” He roared and bucked “More... please mistress... don’t stop!” 

She continued deepening the blows with each stroke her movements moving back and forth across his chest. Stopping briefly to rub his skin with her hands preparing him for more before returning to her administrations. 

“Fuck!... Rey!....gods…. Rey…. oh fuck” He was moaning uncontrollably now trying to break free reaching for her with all he had. Hands still bound strong against the wood he could do nothing to touch her. His blood was boiling threatening to destroy him. His lust raging in his groin, every muscle flexed, ready.  _ I will have you! I’m going to make you cum Rey over and over again when I get my hands on you! _

Each lash across his skin burned like fire making every atom in his body beg for another and another. He was at the edge, he tried to breath he wanted to savor this he wasn’t ready to come yet he wanted to ride this feeling as long as he could, he breathed deeply, deliberately pulling his energy up from his core through his spine letting it spread upward and up. 

Sensing he was close to a climax Rey slowed, stopped and then gently rubbed his chest with her hand feeling the welts and heat that rose to the surface of his skin. He was burning up, sweat rolling down his face, his neck, his chest, glistening like rain under sunlight. 

“Please, Re... I need you...” 

Rey went to the table a took her Dagger in her hand and approached him. She pressed it flat against his chest so he could tell it was a knife she held now. 

Ren gasped at the coldness of the blade against his skin a stark contrast to the lava that surged through his veins.

“What do you want Ren?

“You,” He said firmly. He felt the coldness of the blade pressing into him. Fear and lust fought for control of his mind.

“What do you want Ren?”

“I... I need...please”

“What do you want, Ren?”

“I want you... I need to feel alive?

“Do I make you feel alive?”

“Yes.. every part of me yearns for you. Do it, Rey. I want you to...please!”

“Ask for what you want Ren. I want to hear you say it”

“Please Rey ... Please...I want you to hurt me...cut me... let me bleed!” He begged, pushing his chest towards the blade in her hands.

Ray dragged the knife down his chest and across his belly. Then he felt the cold steel on his wrist as she started to drag it up his arm sending sparks through his nervous system, his sex painfully hard now. Then she placed the knife against is cheek.

“You know I can take whatever I want? She taunted him.  _ I want all of you! _

“I give you all that I am.” He whispered hoarsely.

The knife slip down towards his throat she press it flat against his Adams Apple threatening to cut him.

“Do it Rey...pleases...I want you too...” Hi was ready, determined even. “Rey.. please… I’m begging you!!”

Before he registered that the knife had left his throat he felt the stinging of the blade as it sliced slowly across his chest. He roared with delight at the pain. Instantly he felt the calm descend upon him, the clarity of mind filling him. 

“Thank you, mistress,” he said breathless. 

He heard the metal of the knife crash to the floor, then silence surrounded them.

He sensed her closer to him. Her breath on his chest, her scent engulfing him. It made his head spin. Then he felt her lips press upon his breast as she spread gentle kisses across it, then her hand pressed against his neck moving around to the back of his head her fingers tangling themselves in his hair she pulled him towards her, her lips meeting his hungrily. He felt her tongue dance along the edge begging for entry. He gave it freely and took her in completely. Her sweetness pouring into him. She wanted him he knew it now as their tongues searched, exploring, tasting, drinking of each other. He fought against the restraints wanting to touch her, to hold her, devour her. He heard her moans as she pulled him deeper into the kiss. 

“Ohhhhh Ren” she whispered gasping for air and pulling away.

“I’m... I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Please Rey!” He whimpered at the loss of her lips. “Kiss me again... please...I need your lips, your hands, all of you... I’ll do whatever you want... Just ...please... don’t stop...don’t ever stop. Tears were trickling down his face  now as he pleaded with her.

“Ren!” She cried as she crashed into him with such fury he thought his ribs would break from the pressure. She kissed him madly as she tore the blindfold from his eyes. He could look into her eyes now the deepness of the green and the fire that burned within her.

She untied the restraints on his wrist as he moved to touch her then stopped remembering her instructions. “ Can I…. Can I touch you ?” His voice cracking

“Please, I want you to touch me.”

He reached for her cupping her head with his and hand and wrapping the other one tightly around her waist he kissed hard and full of want. His passion flowing out of him an into her. Their tongues dancing in and out, their bodies clinging to each other for dear life. 

When their lips finally parted for air. 

“Ren...I...”  Rey started. Her emotions overwhelming her

“Don’t be afraid...I feel it too” He said as he pressed his forehead to hers.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Insecurities, longings, and Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summaries are hard but I'll do my best. 
> 
> We pick up right where the last chapter left off.  
> Rey and Ren decide to continue despite their inner critics. Ren may have to work on some jealousy issues.  
> Poe is an awesome sub...
> 
> Music is Behind the Wheel and Master and Servant by Depeche Mode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all the cuddles it is so encouraging! I am finding this journey challenging I'm not a writer so this is all new to me. I am finding it cathartic and empowering and I love that there are others out there that can enjoy whats flowing from my brain.  
> You can find me on Tumbler I'm Under Greystar Blog. COme by and say hi if you feel so inclined.  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/graystar-blog-blog
> 
> And if you are into photography, my main passion check out my Instagram I'd love to connect. I'm at https://www.instagram.com/veneelotusfire/
> 
>  
> 
> This Chapter doesn't have any warnings :)  
> I hope to have the next one written by next Sunday so I do not leave you hanging too long.
> 
> As always I love feedback so let me know what you think. Oh and I still do not have a Beta so I hope there are not too many typos.

 

They stood there frozen, clinging to one another with their foreheads pressed together, their breathing erratic. Each of them lingering on edge of the high dive of the second guess. Their inner critics picking up their bullhorns and screaming at the top of their lungs WARNING! WARNING!  All the while their hearts continued to mingle and danced with desire, their bodies feeling the undeniable pull between them, refusing to let go. 

Rey was desperately trying to find her composure. As much as she wanted this, whatever this was, she was scared. She needed to think, breath, stop spiraling out. Words kept eluding her. She was trembling and unable to move. His hands gripped her tightly, they felt safe and threatening all at the same time. She was so confused.  _ You feel like home but, how can I trust you? Can I trust myself? _

Ren steady himself turning to his breath to calm the tornado of his thoughts. Even though he didn't want to let go he was absolutely terrified his demons taunting him from the recesses of his mind trying to suck the light from him. The tell tell signs of panic stirring deep inside.  _ NO! I want this I want her, I need her! It's going to be ok. It has to be.  _ He focused on her, the light in her eyes, the glow of her skin, the sweet smell that was uniquely hers: coconut, honey, and desire. He was falling and hard. As he gazed into her eyes he could tell she was just as confused and tormented as he was if not more so. Suddenly all that mattered was to see that she was ok. He loosened his grip stroking her shoulders and pushing a strand of wayward hair of her face. 

“Rey are you ok?” He whispered softly.

“Yes...yes, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” The critic gaining ground within her.

“What! weight?... No! Please don’t say that, Rey.”

“You paid for a session Ren this is not what you came here for.”

“Actually I think it was.”

“What do you mean?”

“I felt drawn to you Rey. From the first time, I saw you my whole world tilted on its axis. I bid on the session so I could spend time with you. I…”

“You mean this was all a lie?” She stepped back a bit breaking there embrace, fear prickling up her neck.

“No, No Rey. Please!” He stepped closer “I was truly intrigued and I still am. It’s  just I needed to be with you and this was the only way I thought I could.”

“Oh” 

“Rey... you feel the energy between us, right?” She just stared at him silently.

“Fuck!” Turning away from her running his hand through his hair he felt the shame burning his face.  _ Maybe she doesn't. Shit!  _

_ “Yes, Yes I do,” Rey whispered so softly he almost didn't hear it over the crazy voice in his head. _

_ Spinning around “You do?! Rey _ !” In a blink of an eye, he was holding her again. “ Look, I know this is crazy but, I feel like I have known you all my life. I can’t explain.”

“I know, It's all just overwhelming... I...I'm afraid Ren” 

“What are you afraid of?” 

“You! This! Us! It's taking all the strength I have not to run. “

“If it’s any consolation I  feel very much the same...” Shaking his head  “Shit! I will fuck this up. I know I will but, I...I can’t help it, Rey. This feels right! Holding you feels so right”

“Ren, if anyone is going to fuck this up it would be me.”

“Then we can fuck it up together!” giving her a shy smile.

“Ren... I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Neither do I” He leaned in softly kissing her lips running his tongue across them begging for admittance. She stiffened at first but, then she felt the remaining walls around her heart start to crack and give way. She pressed deeper into him moaning with need. He pulled her against him, his hands slowly traversing her body wanting to feel all that was Rey. Feeling the contrast of softness and hard muscle along her back, splaying his hands across her ass grabbing hold of it with lust.

She could feel his length against her belly throbbing. She wanted nothing more then to climb him. He was like a fucking Sequoia towering over her. Her hands clung to his back, her nails digging in. She heard him growl with delight as she clawed at him.  He was kissing her neck now, testing ever so gently with nibbles on her flesh. She ran her fingers through his thick locks and pressed his head against her signaling she wanted more. He bit harder and she went weak in the knees “yes!”

Slowly they came up for air both desperately needing to catch their breath. Rey pulled back a bit to look him over. He was still bleeding a bit.

“We need to clean you up, tend to your wound. Does it hurt?”

“A little but the reward out weights the pain by far. I’ll be fine… Really!”

“Still I need clean it. OK?”

“Of course”

Rey went to the other side of the room and pulled out a rather large First Aid kit. She pulled out the sterile antiseptic wipes and cleaned his cut gingerly. It wasn’t that deep. She had done a good job, a clean cut under an inch in length, and place well away from vital areas. It stung a bit, that was all. She applied the triple antibiotic cream gently then covered it with a large rectangle bandaid. “All done” 

“Thank you.” Pulling her back to him he kissed her forehead.

“We should check -in about the sessions and how it went for you. Is there anything you need. ”

“You mean besides holding and kissing you?" He chuckled. “I'm good, really good. I… enjoyed it… I never thought I’d be able to give over my control to someone else but, with you, it was so easy. To easy actually. It felt freeing. I don’t really have words yet to explain completely. And... well... this thing between us has me quite distracted, in the best way...what about you?”

Rey’s phone alarm went off breaking the tender moment between them.

“Bloody hell!” Ray hissed “ My next client will be here shortly. I’m sorry Ren, I’ve got to clean up and get ready.”

Ren’s face fell. She could see his disappointment. Ren was feeling jealousy welling up inside. He knew he needed to keep it in check. This was her job he knew that logically but, still it was unsettling for him. He put his shirt back on quickly and grabbed his duffle bag.

“I’ll be done around 5 do you want to have dinner so we can talk more?”

“I would”

Rey reached up on her tippy toes to kiss him. “Where would be a good place to meet?” 

Ren side with relief “Can I make you dinner?”

She smiled and it was like the Sun.”I’d like that.” 

“I will text you my address. Just let me know when you are on your way.”

“Ok great. I look forward to it”

“See you then” Ren made his way out into the sunlight. 

Rey watch him leave, she felt a shiver run through her as she felt the oxytocin high waning and adrenaline still pumping through her veins, she was flustered and confused too full of chemicals and want. Picking up her dagger and wiping down with alcohol swabs she focused on just trying to breathe normally. She was so turned on she wasn’t sure what to do with herself she didn't have time to see to her own needs. She wanted Ren more than she ever wanted anyone.  _ This is insane. Fuck! I’m in over my head.  Well... at least Poe’s my next client. I can work out some of this bent up energy on him.  I just hope he doesn't want to talk, I just don’t think I could handle that right now!  _

She straightened up quickly and washed up. Then she took off her top and skirt leaving her red lace bra and underwear set on as well as her garter with stockings and of course the boots. She towers over Poe in her boots and they both love it. 

Her relationship with Poe had been an interesting one. They started out as lovers which eventually turned into a Sub/Dom relationship with Rey being the top. It had been totally new to her but, she soon found she liked it and excelled at it. Eventually, the sexual relations part of their relationship fell to the wayside as Poe’s true needs became clearer. All he really wanted from Rey was to be punished and denied access to her sexually. Oh and an occasional bit of counseling.  Once Poe met Finn well it was love at first sight and they have been on honeymoon ever since.

It was a rather complicated and entangled affair from all sides and quite an epic tale at that.  Poe took Rey to her first Polyam Play Party and Rey invited her friend Finn along thinking he might enjoy it. He showed up with his date Rose.  It soon became obvious that Poe was hot for Finn and Rose was hot for her and well vica versa. They all ended up I and massive puppy pile Rey ended up leaving with Rose and Poe with Finn. They have been an extended family ever since. It’s complicated, even she needs a flow chart to keep track of the relationships. Finn was in a committed relationship with both Poe and Rose, Rose was also dating Rey occasionally and Rey was Poes Dom. They were all good friends who shared nearly everything including a big house. Somehow to even to their surprise it just all worked.

Rey started worrying about how this sudden connection with Ren would change her happy life when the buzzer rang.

Answering the intercom “Hello”

“Hi Rey” Poe said enthusiastically.

“What's your safe word?”

“Jets” 

She buzzed him in.  Ray opened the door to her studio and waited for him to enter not saying a word. They were under the agreement that their sessions started the moment he stepped inside. Poe fell to his knees and bowed his head. Rey stood in front of him waiting. He didn’t move. Reaching down she grabbed his hair lifting his face up and slapped him.

“You’ve been bad, haven’t you pretty boy?”

“Yes, mistress.”

“And what happens when your bad?”

“I get punished”

“That's right! Now assume the position!” Poe hesitated. “NOW” Rey screamed.

He quickly got up and pulled off his shoes, pants and his shirt then went to the toy table picking up the gag ball and knelt before her holding it out in front him. Rey grabbed it from his hands and strapped across his mouth hard. 

“Get on all fours!”. He obeyed. 

Picking up a riding crop Rey made her way to the purple velvet ottoman on the other side of the room and sat down. “Come here!” Poe slowly crawled on all fours to her, stopping just inches away. He did so keeping his eyes focused on the floor.

“Look at me!” She growled. He raised his eyes to her. She opened her legs slowly exposing her red lace panties to him. His pupils went wide, his eyes filled with lust. Rey caressed her thighs suggestively as she trailed up inside of her leg. Once she reached the lace of her panties she slower reached underneath them finding the folds of her pussy she was still wet from her session with Ren almost too sensitive to touch she bit her lip moaning as she strokes herself slowly as she looked into Poes eyes.

“Do you like what you see?”

He nodded as he reached up to touch her. She hit his hand with the riding crop. “NO!...You can look but, you can’t touch!” 

He sat back on his feet hands placed on this knees and watched as Rey moved her fingers slowly around her harden clit taunting him. He squirmed as he blamed his cock. “Did I say you could touch yourself Poe?” She sneered at him and swatted his hands again with the riding crop. 

He jerked in pain and shaking his head no. Removing her hands from under her panties Rey lifted her foot and placed it on his chest. “You are so naughty pretty boy! What am I to do with you?” With that, she pushed him hard so he fell over backward against the concrete floor.  Rey moved to stand over him one shoe on each side of his shoulders giving him a perfect view again of her lace covered cunt. His pupils blown out watching her as she slowly lowered herself into a sort of open plie squat just over his chest. Her scent filled his nostrils and he growled around the gag his body tense with lust.

She reaches down and removed the gag ball from his mouth and threw off to the side. She ran a fingernail across one of his checks then took hold of his jaw. “I think you are in need of a spanking !” She hissed.  

“Yes, Lady Rey” he whimpered. 

“I didn’t hear you!”

“Yes, Mistress!”

Letting go of his face and standing up she moved to the side of him. “Get up Damron! It’s time I taught you a lesson.” He scrambled up quickly. She grabbed him by the hair and forced him over to the cross. 

“Now be a good pet and spread them wide for me, up against the cross.” 

“Yes, Lady Rey.” He placed his hands in the restraints of the cross spreading his legs out and laid his forehead against the center beam. Rey pushed him against it harder and fastened the restaurants on his wrist. 

Pulling his head back by his hair twisting slightly towards her just enough so he could see her. “Now what do you say, Dameron?”

“Please punish me, Mistress”

“Louder!” Pull back harder this time.

“PLEASE PUNISH ME MISTRESS” He grunted.

Without another word, she laid into him swinging high and fast with the flogger. The strips of leather making contact with the skin of his upper back over and over again as she made a figure eight with her movements.  

Incoherent sounds interlaced poured from Poe’s mouth. His body arching with each hit, welts forming a large X across his back. Rey stops briefly to run her hands over the markings. “Have you had enough”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Pulling his face towards her again.  “You look like you can take a bit more hum? Can you be a good boy and take more for me?”

“Yes, Lady Rey.”

“Good boy… Now put your legs together for your mistress.” He complied and pushed his butt out just a bit knowing what was in store for him next.

Letting his hair go she reached down and grabbed the waistband of his briefs then yanked them down to his mid thighs. His but check tensed with anticipation.

Rey stepped back and took am this time she wiped his ass stroking one side and then the other he kept begging for more until tears rolled down his face. Once she was satisfied with the deep redness that had blossomed across his ass she stopped and proceed to pull his underwear back up. “You’ve been so good, so good for your Mistress. I think you’ve had enough for today don’t you?” Poe nodded unable to speak. Rey untied his hands and he stood trembling. “Don’t worry my pretty boy Rey’s going to take care of you. Slowly she warped an arm around his waist and helped him walk to the couch. She sat down and directed him to lay down with his head in her lap. Poe did so with much effort, finally collapsing on her thighs Rey ran her hands through his hair and whispered: “Your Mistress loves you”. He curled up closer to her as she pulled the throw off the back of the couch and placed it over him. Knowing he need some time to come down and adjust.

After about 10 minutes Poe came to some sense of normalcy and sat up slowly. “May I get dressed Mistress?” Rey nodded yes. Poe collected his close and went to dressing himself. Once Poe was dressed he said, “Thank you Lady Rey.” 

“You are released”

“A pleasure as always.” He bowed to her then turned for the door.

Once Poe was gone Rey grabbed a robe and put it on. Now it was her who needed to come down. She sat back down on the couch and went into her breathing exercises calming herself and finding rejuvenation with each breath. She was super sensitive to the state of mind of those around her and often took on what her clients were feeling. Sometimes it was an awesome high and other times it was too much for her to handle. She needed to release that energy and ground before she could function in the mundane world. 

Once she felt grounded she cleaned up the studio, got dressed in an extra set of close she had left in the studio for just such occasions. A simple black dress with a cinched waist stopping just above the knee and sweater. She left her lace undergarments on as well as her garter and stockings. looking at her phone she saw that Ren had texted her his address. She felt a lightning bolt of energy surge through her at the thought of seeing him again.  She quickly packed up her things and made her way out of the studio.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Nectar of the Goddess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren can cook and well do other things like a pro...Things start to heat up. Grab a glass of red, layback, and enjoy!
> 
> This is the Beyond Blues Playlist Ren Plays:  
> Teardrop - Massive Attack  
> Epoca - Gotan Project  
> The Road to Benares - Thunderball  
> Cactus - Pixies  
> The Sky is broken - Moby   
> Glory Box - Portishead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so blown away by all the kudos! Thank you so much, you guys rock!!!! It is truly inspiring to know someone out there connects with this. 
> 
> Smut is far harder to write then one would think but, damn it’s fun!   
> I hope you like this. *Nail biting*   
> Hopefully, there aren’t too many typos. I still need to line up a beta.  
> The evening will be continued in the next chapter. I felt it was getting too long and well I didn’t want to keep you waiting. 
> 
> I would so love to hear what you think! Comments are totally welcomed and so appreciated as I navigate this, new to me, art form!

“Sir…Sir Can I help you?...SIR?...Hay? You ok?”

 

Ren slowly became aware of the man waving his hand frantically in front of him. He had been daydreaming about her. He was having difficulty concentrating on what the man was saying. 

 

“Are you ok?”

 

“Yes, yes… sorry” Nodding his head.

 

“What can I help you with?”

 

Ren tried to place why he was standing in front of the meat counter and how the hell he had gotten there in the first place. The last thing he remembered was leaving her and getting into his car.  _ Oh, right dinner. _

“I need some ground pork sausage, about  a half a pound.”

“Coming right up” The butcher went to work.

Ren still felt stunned, surreal even. His session with Rey had been one of the most amazing experiences he has ever had but, he was feeling a strange combination of walking on air and the sense that there was no floor beneath his feet. His stomach was full of the proverbial butterflies doing somersaults and pirouettes. Adrenaline and oxytocin were pumping through his veins and he could still feel the ghost of her lips on his.  _ The things I want to do to you, Rey!   _ He wanted to kiss and lick every inch of her, make love to her, make her cum screaming his name over and over again. He imagined what it would feel like to sheath himself inside her warmth. He would give her all she required and more. 

He shook off his spiraling thoughts. He needed to focus on the task at hand. He was making dinner for her. He wanted to impress her so, Stuffed Eggplant, his signature dish was the plan. It was an old family recipe that he learn as a young boy. Back when his family was whole and the ugliness of life hadn't interrupted the joys of childhood.

As always, Whole Foods was a fucking nightmare. He roamed the aisles one at a time looking for the perfect ingredients. He was still buzzing and teetering a bit, he felt drunk from the chemicals in his brain but, he was slowly on his way to sober as they dissipated. He gathered and purchased what he needed and headed home.

After unloading way too much groceries for one meal he went to his computer and pulled up his mixed Beyond Blues playlist to listen to. Which was comprised of songs that were in fact not blues songs but, ones you could easily Blues Dance too. 

He went to work making sure his place was tidy and after he felt satisfied with everything being in order, he started preparing the ingredients for the meal.  Chopping up the potatoes and mixing them with olive oil and sprinkling them with paprika and garlic powder and placing them in the oven to roast. Then he went to work on preparing the onions, mushrooms, and garlic. Grinding, rosemary, coriander, and peppercorn in the mortar and pestle. Mincing the fresh sage, thyme, and oregano. Sauteing the sausage meat with the fresh herbs, vegetables, and garlic then setting it aside for later. He got the wild rice going in the rice cooker, pulled out the goat cheese for the topping, then cut the eggplant, slicing it lengthwise down the center of each one then rubbed it with salt and olive oil. Then he threw together a mixed green salad with pecans, some blue cheese crumbled on top and sliced pear. Finally he laid it all out on the side counter ready for the final stages once Rey was there. 

The ritual of cooking had moved him into a tranquil state. He felt in controlled and relaxed, with just a bit of nervousness lurking at the edges. He was truly happy to be doing something for Rey. He wanted to please her, impress her, and take care of her. The latter being quite a new urge for him. He never really wanted to actually take care of someone before. It felt a bit strange, foreign. like someone else had taken up residence in his brain, pushing him forward.

Worried that she might be hungry before dinner was ready, he put together a cheese plate made up of some Mount Tam Triple Cream, a Gorgonzola Blue, and La Delice De Bourgogne. He added some prosciutto and mixed olives on the side and cut up fresh seeded sourdough bread to go with it. Then he set out the crystal wine class inherited from his grandmother and a bottle of Le Mur de Roche, Petite Sirah 2013 from the Napa Valley. He’d been saving it for a special occasion and for Kylo Ren this was definitely that! 

He found himself staring at the glasses, they were reflecting the sun's rays falling through the window. It made him think of his grandmother. He never actually meet her but, he felt like he knew her well. When he was a teenager he found a diary buried in the backyard, it was just before he had been shipped off to his uncles. The diary had been his grandfathers. He never told anyone about finding it. That night he snuck it into his bedroom where he stayed up till sunrise reading it from cover to cover. Ren was completely enthralled with his grandfather's words the descriptions of his grandmother and the love the two of them shared. But there was also some of his grandfather's darkest thoughts that affected him deeply and played into the way he saw the world which was a bit dark, tragic, and fateful. Though his grandfather's perspective leaned towards the pessimistic side of things he still believed that love was paramount. Tears welled up in his eyes as he saw the parallels between the feelings he had for Rey (already) and the way his grandfather spoke of his grandmother. They had fallen in love at first sight and felt a connection that they could not explain. He felt a similar connection to Rey. It was beyond logic or his control. It had been not even 48 hours and he was falling hard and fast. 

He pulled himself out of his musings and opened the wine to make sure it was still good. It had been hidden at the bottom of his wine cabinet for years.  Pouring it into the glimmering crystal he watched the deep red color swirl into the glass. Bring it to his lips he took a siped. “Ahhhh... yes, perfect!” Then he went about pulling out candles and placing them around the room putting a number of them at the center of his dining table on top of a tray covered in mirror shards, the reflections bouncing off the ceiling in frantic patterns like an abstract photo.

The apartment was spacious with the kitchen, dining area, and living room which were all connected in one long open floor plan. With the whole west wall made up of floor to ceiling windows that let out onto a balcony overlooking the lake. His furnishing was simple and sparse. All black, silver, and glass leaning towards a rather modern aesthetic. The walls were covered with paintings and photographs he had collected over the years most unknown abstract and surreal artists.

He made his way out onto the balcony for some fresh air. Feeling the sun warming his face he looked out over the city and the lake below. The sun was still well above the horizon, a few more hours till sunset. He sat on the swinging bench, his thoughts drift back to Rey again. Closing his eyes remembering, her lips parting for him allowing him to entrance, the way her eyes seemed to really see him, and how her touch sent fire through his veins. 

His phone chimed, pulling it from his pocket

To Ren > Heading over now.

To Rey > Can’t wait to see you!

To Ren >Should I pick up anything?

To Rey > No, thank you for asking thou. 

To Ren > Ok see you soon.

To Rey > :)

Ren stared at his phone cringing.  _ Crist! I did not just send a smiley face! Yeah, you did!  _ He shook his head in disbelief. Ben didn’t do emojis well at least not until now. 

Suddenly he realized he never asked her what her food preferences were. 

To Rey > Do you like Eggplant?

To Ren > Love it! Honestly, I will eat anything. I am not picky nor allergic to anything.”

To Rey > Oh good! 

To Ben >See you soon. 

He hopped up and put the eggplant in the oven setting the timer for 20 minutes.

~~~~

Rey made her way to Lake Merritt as the stat nave directed her. When she finally found a parking spot a few blocks away she grabbed her stuff out of the trunk, locked it up, and made her way around the side of the lake to his apartment build. It was the tallest building on the lake and he was on the top floor according to his text.  _ This is surely is one of the priciest rentals in the area. _ She gawked in wonder as she looked up at it, then out over the lake. The building itself seems quite plain. It was had a rather 70’s feel to the architecture but the real estate it is on was in high demand.

It was still quite warm out and the suns reflections bounced off the lake like shooting stars. The ducks floated by as joggers and lovers made there way along the path around the lake. It was a beautiful site, a bit of peace and grace nestled in the urban chaos.

In the lobby, a doorman greeted her and assisted her with directions to Ren's apartment.

The elevator rose quickly as she felt the nervous energy racing through her.   _ You are NOT having sex with him tonight, Rey! You are NOT having sex with him tonight! You are NOT having sex with him tonight!   _ She just kept repeating it to herself in hopes it just might stick. Oh, but how she wanted to. She has rules thou, a boundary set for herself that helps her to make wiser choices when it comes to sex. But, the thoughts of striping him bare, letting her lips caress his skin, feeling his body pressed against hers, sent her heart careening over the edge. She wanted him so much. 

Before she knew it she was at his front door. She stood there a long while, drawing up the courage and composure she wanted, no, needed to continue. She knew this was a bad idea but, she was already falling fast and her body and soul were betraying her mind. She knocked anyway.

Ren, with his shirt halfway on, fumbled for the door and opened it.

“Hi… oh… umm…”

Her eyes fell to his bare chest.  _ FUCK!  _ Sure she has seen it before, that's probably a good thing, considering what it is doing to her right now, despite her familiarity with it. Feeling the longing between her legs she bites her lip.  _ I’m in over my head.  _

He’s just standing there trying to button his shirt up while he stares at her, he's doing an appalling job of it and his hands are visibly shaking. 

“Can I come in?” 

“Yes, sorry. Come in please.” He steps aside so she can enter. She steps right in front of him, reaching for the buttons he is struggling with. “Here let me help you.” He looks into her eyes with shock then relief as she touches his hand. He lets her take over. “Thank you… normally I don’t answer the door half undressed. I got oil on my other one...”

“It’s ok Ren really”  _ Your so fucking hot, how could I possibly mind?  _ She finished buttoning his shirt up for him. Placing her hand flat on his chest gently. “There you go.” He places his hand over hers and starts to lean in.

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP” The oven goes off before he can kiss her. “Shit, I have to get that. He dashes to the oven to retrieve the eggplant.

Rey makes her way inside, setting her bag on the table near the door as he pulls out the dish from the oven. She looks around at his stunning apartment.  _ It so pristine and sleek... and the view _ . “WOW”. She slowly walks towards the wall of windows then stops and takes it all in. “Ren, this is beautiful.”

“Thank you.” He whispers just behind her, startling her a little.  _ How the hell did he sneak up on her? _ He places his hand on the small of her back, warm and carrying. She leans into him. 

“I’m so happy your here.” He is leaning in closer to her, she can feel his breath on her neck, his voice deep and salutary. He smells like wine, summer sun, and something unnameable yet unmistakably him. Goosebumps spread across her neck and shoulders as she turns slowly into to him, gazing up at his face. One of his hands find to her waist as she reaches up and places her hand on his cheek, he cups it with his other hand and kisses it softly, then continues to kiss her palm, her wrist, gently making his way up her arm. Each kiss feels like sparks dancing along her skin.  She didn't know her wrist and arm were such erogenous zones. Her knees go weak as he pulls her closer to him, his lips finding hers. The forcefulness of his kiss feels all consuming like he might just devour her. His tongue begging for entry. She eagerly lets him in and she responds in kind tangling her tongue with his. It's a sweet explorative dance of give and take. 

The need to breath finally pulls them apart.

“Are you hungry?” He asked, realizing too late that, that could be a double entendre given the passion of their kiss. 

“Umm…” She giggles “ I’m always hungry.” He’s blushing now.

“ I just need to stuff the eggplant and then pop it back in the oven for half hour or so.” He says as he walks back into the kitchen.

“Can I help?”

“I think I got it. Would you like some wine?”

“That would be lovely”

He pours her one and hands it to her. 

“Should I taste it like we did at the restaurant? “ She asks taking the class.

“Sure, if you would like”

“What's the process again?” She really just wants to watch him do it.  She found it so sexy the first time around.   


“Well... first you smell it to see what the aromas are” He demonstrates by tipping his class just a bit and moving his nose into it as far as he can and inhaling. 

“Note what it smells like to you. Then take a sip and swish it around your mouth so your tongue is covered with it and observe the first flavors that pop into your head.” He does so.

“Ah blackberry liqueur and crème brûlée,” He says with a satisfying smile.

“Then you do it a second time to see what other flavors show up. Go ahead you try.” She imitates each movement he showed her exactly.

“Oh… it tastes like coconut...black tea... and...and French vanilla. Oh and I can taste the blackberry too.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, it's fantastic.”

“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable and I will put the finishing touches on dinner it will be ready within the hour. Oh, and there is cheese and bread if you would like a snack.” He motions to the kitchen island and goes tend to dinner.

Rey takes some cheese and bread then makes her way out onto the balcony to check out the view. The sun is edging its way down and there is just a hint of pinks and oranges starting to appear in the sky. The color of sunset has always been her favorite color.

She sits down on the bench swing and begins to rock back and forth taking in all the beauty of the lake and Oakland skyline beyond it. Ben finally joins her once dinner is in the oven. He sits down next to her close enough so there shoulders and legs are just touching. Rey can feel the vibrations humming between them. She wants nothing more than to touch him. She waits.

Ben keeps vacillating between wanting to come on strong and wanting to go lock himself in his room.  Fear and passion at war within him. He wants to kiss her, touch her fucking everywhere, taste her, all of her.  _ Maker! She smells like honey and haven. I’d die a happy man with my face buried between her legs.  _ He wants to know what makes her moan with desire but, he needs to take it slow. he’s out of practice. He can’t really even remember the last time he slept with anyone. He hasn’t wanted to, not till her.

Rey is beautiful in the warm light of the falling sun, she glows. He was staring, he couldn’t help it. He wanted to memorize the way wisps of hair floated around her face, the way the edges of her mouth turned slightly up and the pinkness of her full lips.

She could feel the weight of his eyes on her. The blush spreading across her cheeks burned. She wasn't sure what to do.  _ Should I hold his hand? Kiss him again? I feel like a silly school girl!”  _ She wanted him. she knew that and he wanted her that was obvious. But, Rey, not Lady Rey, was shy. Painfully so. Without her persona to hide behind, she felt insecure and out of place.

Finally, Ren found some hidden well of courage and placed his arm around her shoulder pulling her into him. She obliged without hesitation leaning in like this was something they'd done a million times before. They set in silence for a while watching the shades of pink, orange, yellow, and red blaze and mingle across the sky.

He touched her chin and lifted it towards him pressing his lips to hers in search for connection. Their tongues entwined and their hands began searching each other bodies. Their urges giving way to tugging and pushing aside fabric to find skin. His hands fund their way along her slim waist and around her back as his mouth moved down her chin to her neck, leaving a trail of kisses. He could feel her body responding to him. His hand found there way under her shirt then her bra fumbling for her breast. They were soft and silky to the touch. As he rubbed his fingers over her nipple it stiffened and she bucked towards him. “Ren...”

Rey’s head was spinning, his touch was like wildfire. He nibbled at her neck right under her ear and lightning shot through her. Rubbing her thighs together she searched for relief. Her panties were soaking now. Her nails digging into his back pressing herself to him trying to get as close as possible. She wanted him to take her right their on the balcony despite all her plans for not having sex tonight. At this moment she didn’t give a fuck about boundaries or properness. She wanted him and he wanted her what else mattered really?

Ren pulled away suddenly and she whimpered. He quickly moved to kneel before her taking hold of her waist he pulled her towards him until she was at the edge of the swing. Then he dug his hand into her hair drawing her in for a kiss.  It was a tender lingering kiss. Soft and sweet. He leaned back holding her face in his hands and looked into her eyes with such longing.

“Your so beautiful, Rey. I...” Losing his words he kissed her again letting his hand fall to her legs. His hands glided up her thighs, the skirt of her dress hiking up as he did so. Exposing the top of her stockings his hands grazing against her garter attached to the top of it. He looked down, eyes going wide, he swallowed hard. A growl welling up inside of him.  

“Fuck, Rey!” He looked back up at her, she could see his eyes were the color of dark chocolate with specks of the fading sunlight dancing in them, his pupils blown out and the look of desire filled his face. Their lips came crashing together again painfully but, they didn’t stop. His hands continued up her legs moving under her skirt inch by inch.

He took his time paying attention to the way her body responded to each place he touched. Making a mental note of where her breath caught, when she moaned with want, and when her body pressed for more. He stopped when he reached the apex of her thighs and pressed his forehead to hers, his breath labored form the overwhelming emotions and lust that was surging through his system. He was trying to maintain control, not give into the animalistic urges that filled his mind. He wanted to sample her fruit, to taste her nectar, to pleasure her till she came undone in his arms. But, he needs her permission before he would do anything. 

He pulled back so he could look into her eyes again “I want to taste you” He said with such tenderness Rey thought she'd melt into a fucking pool of jello. His fingers were gliding along the edge on her panties. She moaned as her body arched back and her hips bucked. 

“May I Rey” he implored.

“Oh… god...Yes” She breathed. 

Kissing the top of her knee, then dragging his tongue ever so gently over the stocking covering her thigh. 

He racked his hands down the side of her legs till he reached her knees, spreading them further apart so he could gain more access to her. Then he moved painfully slow towards her core licking her inner thigh as he made his way.

She was lost in the pleasure of it all. Her whole body was alight with want. She felt his fingers move her panties aside, his breath dusting against her folds. She gasped, her inside fluttering, tingling. The aching building up inside of her.  She felt like she might cum as she watches this gorgeous god of a man, on his knees before her, pleasuring her. Then she felt his tongue press against her pussy and licking up through her folds. “Oh my god REN” He did so again, and again. His hands wrapped around her ass pulling her closer to his mouth. He reached her clit sucking it into his mouth sending her nearly over the edge. “Ren… Oh…” The sensation was driving her mad. She knew, in that moment, she'd let him do whatever he wanted.

He buried his face deeper between her legs his tongue now pushing deep inside her then moving in and out, over and over again. He was fucking her with his tongue and maker was it the most fucking fantastic feeling. His tongue felt huge and strong, it dug deep, ever probing. She was moaning and whimpering uncontrollably now. The energy inside of her starting to uncoil. His tongue moved to her hard nub swirling around it as he pushed his long finger inside of her. “OH..fuck” It was too much and not enough all at onces. Then he started fingering her moving in and out pressing in as far as his knuckles would alow as he explored her. Once he found the spot that made her buck and rithe beneath him. He curled his finger just right, pressing into it again and again until her fucking world exploded into a blaze of color. The energy wound round her core, up her spin, up, up, until it flooded her brain. Then, she felt the dam within her give way, her vaginal walls contracting, and she came undone. It felt like a river flowed out from within her, Ren growled in delight lapping the sweet nectar up, drawiing her orgasam out. She couldn't stop, wave after wave rolled through her. He kept at her, drinking it all in like he was dying from thirst and she was an oasis. He kept, licking, humming in delight,  sucking her through it until she was wrung dry and shaking. Tears were running down her face, thoughts and word beyond her. There was just sensation and feelings all too overwhelming to make any sense. 

Ren kissed her swollen folds, her clit, her legs, and moved up her body till he was face to face with her.  Her head was cast back as she licked her lips.  She looks wrecked and gorgeous. “You taste amazing! Rey”

Brushing the slip of hair off her face so he could see her fully.  “Your crying.” She just nodded her head and moaned as she wrapped her arms around him. He felt confused how was it he made her cry? What did he do wrong?

“Baby…Did I hurt you?”  She shook her head no and smiled at him. Still unable to speak. 

He kissed her delicately. She taste herself on his lips. The smell of her mixed with his musk was intoxicating. She was slowly coming back, coherency regrouping in the recesses of her mind. Her body was tembling, she’d never had an orgasem like that before. She heard about female ejculation but, it hadn’t ever happend for her. She was in awe of this man at her feet and his ability to elicit such intense responses from her. 

Slowly she opened her eyes. He was looking at her with such…  _ Love?... no... it can’t be. _

He pressed his forward to hers “ Rey are you ok?”

Finally, find her words. “Gods yes! That... I... I’ve never… I’m sorry “

“What? … Don’t be Rey! I loved it! I’ve never made a women cumm like that before… you are so responsive to me.  I’m...” 

He kissed her forehead, her checks, then looked into her eyes again. “You taste so good! I could never get enough of that. Don’t ever be sorry for that.” He wiped her tears away and held her.   
  
Realising she was starting to shiver a bit he stood up “Stay here, i’ll get at towel to help clean you up.” She blushed.

As he went inside. She looked down at herself. Her stocking were soaked and the concrete beneath her was wet. She took off her boots of then undid her stockings and rolled them down her legs and off one after another then she shimmed out of her panties. They were far too wet to continue wearing.  _ Comando it is for the rest of the evening.  _ She placed her remnants next to her.

Ren watched her from the doorway dersie rising in him again.  He shook it off. He needed to give her some time to recover, clean her up, and feed her.

He kneeled beside her and ran a warm washcloth up and down her thighs then dried her with a luxurious plush towel. He kissed her knee then offered to help her up . She carefully took his hand and tried to stand. Her legs felt like they would give way at any moment they were still trembling with aftershocks. He wrapped his arms around her and lead her inside to the couch, sitting her down.

 

The oven Beeped...

 

~~~ To be continued~~~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Communication is key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings!!!  
> Past abuse/neglect mentioned 
> 
> Communication, Communication, Communication!  
> Rey opens up to Ren about some of what she has gone through.   
> They finally have a safe sex talk and Ren has an anxiety attack  
> Ren is meet with quite possibly the hardest choice he will ever have to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is late last week was rather challenging in both my community and work life. Two deaths and a hell of a lot of stress. I was just not up to writing. 
> 
> Also, this was quite a hard chapter to write lots of emotions and important conversations. I hope I handled it well and you like it. 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think! 
> 
> P.S. More smut is on its way! I promise!

 

She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, she looked like she'd been thoroughly fucked. She was still vibrating from her orgasm.  Zings of fire seemed to pulse through her muscles and her heart was still pounding hard. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Everything was happening so fast and she didn’t care. What he had done to her was fucking incredible!  _ I still can’t believe I squirted. _  Musing as she stuffed her underwear, garter, and stockings into her bag. She felt exposed with nothing underneath her dress but, it had so been worth it.

As she continued to mull over what had happened between them she realized that hey did not have the safe sex talk. She knew better but, she had let her desire override her caution. Ren had a way of breaking through her defenses and boundaries without even really trying. Despite her trust issues, she felt safer with him than anyone she knows. But, they still needed to have the talk. She knew virtually nothing about him except some of his apparent kink leanings and that,  judging by the scars he had, someone had abused him.

She looks around the bathroom it was way too clean. It didn’t even look lived in, most of his place didn’t. _ He is obviously a neat freak. _ The need to know what made Kylo Ren tic loomed,  she wanted to know everything about him especially his secrets.  _ You could tell a lot by what one keeps in there bathroom _ .  She quietly opened the medicine cabinet and peeked inside. The obvious things like shaving supplies, toothpaste, and a toothbrush were there, a box of band-aids, drugs, lost of drugs. She couldn’t fault him for that her cabinet had just as many, in fact, some of the very same he had. There was Trazodone, Wellbutrin, and Lorazepam all of which she had first-hand knowledge of.  _ He must suffer from depression, like me. What happened to you?  _ She knew, from the tattoo they both had, that he had suffered something traumatizing enough to lead him down the path to attempted suicide and she felt a sense of kinship there yet, she wanted to understand him and his past was an important part of the equation.  _ Would he let me in?... Who am I fooling, would I let him in? It's a two-way street Rey. You have to trust him if he is to trust you... In a way, I do trust him.  _ She knew here challenge would be to share with him openly and not keep things bottled up like she tended to do. She didn't lie, if you asked her direct questions she would answer honestly but, she hardly ever offered to share, she withheld a great deal from even her closest friends. Her armor was constructed from years of pain and loneliness. Finn, Poe, and Rose had worked with her a great deal to help her open up and trust more. They were now family to here and she trusted them with her life but, that had taken years and she still tends to not share unless they asked her to. She now felt the desire to do so despite the fear that flooded her veins when she thought of it.

She closed the cabinet gently and looked back in the mirror and tamed some of the strands of hair that had escaped her bun and rinsed her face off.  Feeling refreshed she made her way back to the kitchen.    
  
Ren had everything on the table and the candles lit. The sun had set and the lights of the city were coming alive. He pulled out a chair for her and she sat down. Before she was quite a spread. More food than the two of them could possibly eat. Rey’s Tummy growled in anticipation. 

There was no way for Ren to know her relationship with food nor how soothing and nurturing this simple act of cooking for her affected her so deeply.  She felt warm and cared for, significant. Rey had very few memories from before the age of 10 or so. There were fleeting images that sometimes would float top once in a while. Her strongest memory was the feeling of starvation and of being cold and miserable, huddled in a tiny dark space with just a hint of light seeping through the slit between the door and the floor. She hadn’t known how long she had been there, days? weeks? She had no way of knowing. All she knew was that she was hungry, scared, and so weak that she was sure she would die. The next thing she remembers is a police officer giving her an ice cream cone in a stark room with bright lights and a big wood table in it. That had been the first time she felt hope. After that, for her, food and hope were forever entwined.  Ren’s offering was hope in her bones and she couldn’t help but feel nurtured. 

She smiled and it was like the sun had gone supernova, taking his breath away yet again. She kept looking up at him in awe as she piled the stuffed eggplant, roasted potatoes, and salad on to her plate.

“Ren this looks scrumptious! Thank you so much for cooking dinner.”

“My pleasure”

“Umm, I think it will be mine.” She smiled wide and took a spoonful of the eggplant into her mouth. Moaning as she chewed. Swallowing “OMG this fantastic!” 

“Thanks” he just watched her eat as she devouring everything like it was her last meal. He could not fathom how someone so thin could possibly consume that much food. She was onto second before he had even gotten started.

“Save room for dessert. We have a Blackberry Lime pie.”

“Really?” Her eyes wide. “ Did you cook that too?”

“No, I can’t bake for the life of me. Following recipes is just impossible. I get too carried away in the spontaneousness  of the creative process of mixing the ingredients that, I usually end up deviating widely from the recipe.”

“I am a lousy cook I'm afraid. I am blessed with fantastic cooks for roommates thou. Finn and Poe are super competitive and come up with amazing dish constantly trying to one-up the other and well Rose loves to bake. I do the cleanup. It's a match made in heaven.” 

She looked at all the food on the table and back up at him. He smiled back at her, he was radiant, his eyes soft, and his movements slow and composed, shy even. She watched him in silence for a moment wondering if she could find the assuredness to share the opening with him the feelings that were welling up inside her.  _ You can do this. Take the first step. Let him in. _

“Ren?... Can I tell you something?” She was getting teary-eyed as she looked at him.

“Anything!”

“This” she waved her hand over the food. “ This means a lot to me. I mean... that you would cook all this for me and make me feel cared for like this. You barely know me. And yet you are so generous in everything you do. And well...umm... my relationship to food is different than most people. I...uh… wow, this is hard...ok here it goes. I was abandoned by my parents when I was quite little and…and... well, when they found me I hadn't eaten for at least a week. I had water with me but, that was all. The first thing I remember after that was eating an ice cream that one of the police officers gave me.” She paused for a moment trying to keep the tears from flowing. “Even now I never seem to feel like I have enough and... well... food is… is...connected deeply to my happiness and hope for the future. So for you to do all this means the world to me.” Her eyes moved from his to her the plate in front of her. 

Ren’s expressions ran the gamut from anger to concern. Chewing on his bottom lip he stiffens but, then he reaches across the table taking her hand in his. “Jesus Rey… I am so sorry … Fuck! Who would do such a thing?... Rey...You didn’t deserve that. Fuck!” He shakes his head. “ I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I fucking want to rip them from limb to limb…”

He takes a moment to breathe then continues.  “ I know we just meet and this may sound crazy but, there is a part of me that wants to take care of you, protect you. I’ve never wanted that before, ever! But, whatever this is between, I just I know I need to be there for you no matter what. I know you can take care of yourself but, I want you to know I'm here for you.” 

She gripped his hand hard. ”Thank you. I’m ok really. And yes I can take care of myself. I just felt it was important that you know what was up for me, why I am so moved.”

He leans into her cupping her cheek and kisses her with such tenderness that it feel like feathers dancing on her lips. Her hearts is trying to force its way out of her ribcage now, and she can feel the warmth starting to gather between her legs. When his lips leave hers she wants to protest with every muscle in her body. 

“Eat up. I can’t have you hungry on my watch.” She can’t help but grin at him then she turns back to consuming the food on her plate, with gusto.

Ben wants to ask her so many questions, he is not sure where to start or what would even be acceptable.  _ Should I ask more about her childhood, her past in general, Goods it been ages since I tried to engage in conversation that was other than work-related or small talk.  _ He hated doing both of those. He wanted to know her better, get some logical understanding of who she is in order to help him feel more at ease with the intensity of his feelings for her. He knew nearly nothing about her except what she has shared and her profession. 

Gathering courage.“So...Rey… How did you end up being a dominatrix?”

“Umm…  my old partner, Poe, was really into being dominated and he coaxed me into doing it with him as my sub. And well I ended up enjoying it. A lot actually! Later he introduced me to a professional Dominatrix he knew locally and I ended up training with her for a while. Once she felt I was ready she urged me to seek out clients and continue my practice.  I really need to find a way to make ends meet. The bookstore wasn’t going to cut it and I was not interested in returning to the streets ever again.” Ren was staring at her with shock written all over his face.  _ Oh well, fuck you could have eased into that a bit better Rey! _

“You… you were a…”

“Yes, Ren! I was a runaway who ended up on the streets when I was 16 years old and I sold my body for money. All right! I had to get away from the fucking system the homes were often worse than the streets. At least then I had control over who had access to my body.” She could feel the sadness welling up in her mixed in with shame and indignation. She didn’t want to burst his perfect dream bubble of her but, it had to happen sometime, might as well be now.  _ If he’s going to leave you then better now then when you are way too deep Rey.  _

“Rey… it's ok you do not have to justify what you did. I understand I am just a bit shocked… “ Pleading with her. He knelt before her taken her head into his hands and bring it up so he could look in his eyes. He could see the pain and anguish there, the wild animal ready to bolt at any moment. He didn’t let go. He couldn’t let go.  “I don’t care what you have done. Do you understand me, Rey? That's behind you let the past die. Kill it if you have to. All that matters is this, us, right here, right now!” Tears trickled down her red cheeks as she nodded her head yes. He pressed his forehead against hers. He held her till she finally pulled away looking at him in awe. 

“Your extraordinary Ren, you know that?” He chuckled.

“ I think you are the only one who would ever say that Rey. Honestly, you seem to bring the best out in me, I am an asshole most of the time.”  

“ Well I’ve never seen it!” she exclaimed.

“ Rey we have known each other for a grand totally 37 hrs. There is a great deal you have not seen me do. I will disappoint you eventually or piss you off.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. But for now Kylo Ren your astonishing.”

“And you my sweet Rey are strong, gorgeous and inspiring!”

Once dinner was done and the dishes washed they decided to adjourn to the coach for more wine and dessert. They set as close as they could without one being in the other's lap. Ren had his hand around her as they drank the wine. 

“Ren I think we need to check in.”

He gulped. “Ok.” Suddenly fearful he had done something wrong.

“Don’t look so frightened. It's just that we’ve been moving kinda quickly and we haven't even had a safe sex talk yet. “

“I’m sorry I pushed you.” Moving his arm from around her he bowed his head down and started twisting his hands in his lap.

“Don’t be sorry Ren, you didn't do anything wrong. I wanted it just as much as you did. You didn’t push me into anything.” He took a deep shaking breath, he hadn’t even realized he had been holding it.

“I am not sorry at all it happened. In fact, it was probably the most erotic experience in my life. “ He was looking at her now with hope in his eyes.  “Its just that I usually I have the “talk” before anything sexual happens but, I was so caught up in you.”

“So what now? I... I have never had the “talk” before.”

“Oh!” Rey was shocked that he had no idea what she was talking about.

“What do you want to know?” Ren whispered.

“Well, everything really. Maybe I should go first. Would that help? “

“Yes”

“Ok, I’m clean. Tested a few months back for everything, full STD panel and pap smear, including Herbies. I have never had an STD. I am dating Rose part-time, or should I say we only have sex once in a while. We’ve been off and on for about a year. She’s been cleared. Finn, he is her primary partner. He is clean. They are fluid bonded...” Seeing Ren's bewildered expression she stopped for a moment to let him catch up mentally to all she was saying. He seemed guarded. “Ren, Are you ok with me sharing this with you?”

“ Yes of course! But, it's a lot to take in…. I mean if you are dating Rose why are you her with me?”

“Ah, I see. Fare question. I’m Polyam.”

“ I don’t understand”

“ I am in an open relationship. I am not monogamous, I am polyamorous.”

“Oh!” Ren sunk down placing his head in his hands.

“ Ren I am sorry I should have told you that  first. I … I was just so lost in the moment. I didn’t think. I should not have assumed. Fuck!... I suck at communication sometimes.”

“No, its ok. I just need to process this. I haven’t dated in so long and I’ve never ventured into an open relationship. I am just not sure.”

“Ren, I am undeniably drawn to you but, I do not want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“Rey I’m not sure what to do, what to say. I wanted you more than anyone I have ever meet but, this scares me... I need to understand why you are this way.”

"I feel that monogamy is not for me I love all my friends and I want our relationships with one another to naturally evolve without the constructs of what our relationship should be in the eyes of the rest of the world. And if a relationship moves into a physically intimate stage I am open to it. I am a rather sexual creature if you haven’t figured that out yet. Even though this is my philosophy I am not one to date much really. I deep-rooted trust issues... Funny how you managed to bypass those completely”  She looked at him trying to read his expression. He was concentrating that was clear but, there seemed to be a small war raging within him. His eyes were glued to her’s.

“Ren are you ok?”

He nodded yes. He couldn’t seem to find words. He wasn’t sure how to respond to her. Part of him wanted to run and the other didn’t give a fuck what her philosophy was, he would do whatever she asked in order to be with her. He felt like the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. His breathing was becoming difficult.  _ Fuck! not another anxiety attack, not now please!  _  He tried to control his breathing. It just kept getting harder and harder to breathe, the panic was quickly taking him over.

Rey could tell he was having trouble and if she was not mistaken he was showing the the tell tell signs of an anxiety attack. His breathing sound like he was going to hyperventilate, his hands were shaking and sweat beaded across his face. She had to get him to calm down.

“Ren take a deep breath for me. It’s ok! I’ve got you.” She placed her arm around him bringing his large form into hers. He took a deep breath and shuttered. “Ren you gotta keep breathing baby.”

He grabbed her hard pulling himself closer. he couldn't fucking breathe, tears were coming and he was so embarrassed. His head was spinning and he felt like he might pass out.

“I think your having an anxiety attack. Ren do you need meds?”

“Yes” was all he could get out.

“What do you need?”

He moved to try to get up but he couldn’t and feel back against the couch gasping for air.”

“ Fuck Ren. Look at me!” She commanded him. He did. Tears were streaming down his face.

“Ok, shake your head yes or no to my questions/ Ok”

He nodded yes

“Do you have meds to take for this?’

He nodded yes again

 

She ran to the cabinet and pulled out the Lorazepam, she also saw an inhaler so she grabbed that too. She ran back out to him handing him the meds. He fumbled with the inhaler to get it in his mouth then he inhaled once, then a second time. She could tell that it started working instantly. He was taking deeper breaths now. The color was coming back to his face. He handed her the lorazepam “open” was all he managed to say. She did so and handed him a pill. “Water!”

“Oh right” She got him water from the kitchen after opening nearly every cabinet in search of a glass. 

“Here”  He swallowed the tiny pill with the enter glass of water. Then collapsed back into the couch.

Rey sat beside him taking his hand. “Your going to be ok. I’ve got you”

He looked at her in disbelief for a moment then seemingly reading her true intentions he leaned into her putting his head to her chest and curling up in a rather large ball at her side. She held him for a long time.

“I am so sorry Ren.”

“It’s ok.” He said in a hesitant voice barely audible to her.

“Ren do you want me to go? I can understand if this isn't for you. if you don't want this.”

“NO! Please… please stay… I don't want to be alone. I just need time to adjust, to come to terms, to understand.”

“I can give you all the time you need. But, I don't want to force you into this. Polyamory is fucking hard. It’s not for everyone! I will not lie to you, it requires a fuck ton of communication and processing. And as you can see I suck at that but, if you are willing to try I am.” He cuddled even closer to her. They stayed that way for a long time just holding one another. 

Finally Ren broke the silence. “I haven’t been with anyone in over 10 years… You are the first person I have felt anything for senses then and it is all consuming. Honestly, I don’t know if I can share you with anyone but, I am willing to try. If that is what you want.” He moved up so they could look into eachothers eyes.

“Rey... I...Fuck!… the way I feel for you is too hard to explain…it doesn't make any sense at all.”

“I understand really I do. If you are willing to try then so am I. I feel like we are meant to be together, Ren. But, It fucking terrifies me too.”

Ren pulled her to him kissing her with such passion she thought she might self combust. His kiss was demanding and needed, unwilling to let go. He pushed her down on the couch pressing his body into her yet he kept form crushing her, his arms holding him up bearly enough. Rey had to push him away she needed air.

“Shit! Sorry!” He broke away giving her some room to breathe. He looked into her eyes as if in search for answers. When she regained some composure she pulled him back into a kiss. He dug his hands into her hair and she could feel his cock hard against her. She pressed up into him without realizing she was doing. He groaned. “Rey!”

“Yes Ren” 

“Fuck I want you so bad”

“And I you.” He pressed hard against her, grinding in. Her defenses were crumbling she felt it would be wiser to take it slow, talk some more, but, she wanted him.

His hands pulled down the straps of her dress as he kissed her neck and then sucked on her pulse point, then he contended over her collarbone down her chest, He pulled at the buttens one the front of her dress  they came apart easily giving him access to her bra . She edged the top of the dress completely of her shoulders then undid her bra so he could touch her breast. He kissed his way down till he found her hard nipple and took it into his mouth sucking her in deep then bitting it gently, testing the waters. She gasbed and rocked aganist him.

He could tell she liked her niples beening bitten and sucked he felt her push his head harder against her breast and moan in delight when his teeth crushed her nipple. He bit harder and she bucked into him. 

Tearing at his shirt.  “I want this off’ She demanded and he sat up and removed it quickly. He looked down at her. “You are a goddess rey. So perfect.” He stood up then bent over to take her up in his arms he lifted her effortlessly. She squealed like a little girl . He carried her into his bed room and sat her down on  the edge of his bed and knelt down before her.

“Rey, I want to make love to you.”

“I want you too, I do but, I don't think is a good idea while you are in a state of questioning us. I don't want to be hurt Ren, If we do this it feels like there is no going back at least not for me. I need you to be sure.”

He pressed his forehead to hers placing his has hand on her waist. “ I don’t want to hurt you. I feel like I am being torn apart by these feelings inside of me.  Fuck! ...I don’t know I… I feel so conflicted... Maybe is best to wait” He sighed. “ I am trying to sort it out. I want to give myself to you completely. I feel like I won't be able to breathe without you. Though logical I understand  your point of view my heart still feels challenged.” 

“ I want our first time to be one where we can both be fully present, in acceptance of each other.”

“Yes of course, you're right… but, I don’t want you to leave. Will you... stay with me tonight? We can just hold each other. I will not try anything”

“ I would like that.” She pulled the top of her dress back on. She kissed his forehead running her finger tips through his luscious hair again.

“Do you want to watch a video or some Netflix?” He said rather nonchalantly trying to move things into a less tense atmosphere.

“Sure”

“What would you like to watch? What are you into?”

“I’m sort of a Sifi nut actually”

“What's your favorite ?”

“Blade Runner the original director's cut.” She said without hesitation.

“Oh! We are going to get along just fine!” He said with a huge smile on his face.

He pulled down the screen on the far wall across from the bed and then went into the living room and brought back a Blu Ray disc.

“Your in luck. This is one of the few per 2000 films I have replaced with Blu Ray.”

“What are the others on?"

  
“I have an extensive Laserdisc collection that I built up before DVDs became mainstream. But  now Blu Ray has the best image quality. I have the important ones from early on like Brazel, 2001, Aliens, and the Star Wars trilogy as well as more recent ones like  Sunshine, Children of Men, Arrival and of coarse Blade Runner 2043 on Blu Ray.”

“Laserdisc? Really?”

“Yeah, I know it was kind of a dum move on my part. I thought they would be the end all for storage, Boy was I ever wrong. But they are better than VHS and well I have things I don’t think I can even get on DVD much less Blu Ray  now.” He put the disc into the player and turned the projector on.

“Wow, It's like going to the movies”

“Yes, only you get to lounge in a comfy bed.” He was excited gleeful even, he looked so adorable in that moment. “ Should I bring dessert in here?”

“You are an angle after my own heart!”

“I’d say I am more of a fallen angel. My intentions are not wholesome be any means. I want all of you Rey!” He said with a devilish look on his face as he turned for the living space.

He returned with two bowls each filled with pie and whipped cream. Handing her one he climbed into bed with her. And started the film.

Rey was curled up against Ren with her head on his chest and ren was sitting up against the headboard.   
  
“Gods, I love the sound track?” Rey sighed and Ren smiled to himself . 

“I can see what we will be doing a lot of. The Vangelis are a longtime favorite I will play the remastered soundtrack for you.”

She snuggled closer to him as they watched at some point they both fell asleep in each other arms. Ren woke up to the credits rolling by. He looked down at her she was out cold her sweet face calm and relaxed.  _ Gods Rey How can I explain to you all the feelings I have for you that raging inside of me. How could I just let you go? How could I ever share you?   _ His head fell back against the headboard as he rummaged through the emotions at war with in him, taking inventory, trying to logic out the right path of action, the right choice. He wanted her! He was falling for her. She felt like home. His heart longed to know all that was Rey his body ached for her. He wanted to make her happy. Care for her. He wanted her all to himself.  _ Can I even conceive of myself being in an open relationship with her, given how I feel? I really don’t know? I could try can’t I? Well I could but it could go so wrong Ren! You know that!  I  truly want her to be happy and is the only way it could happen. The question is can I be happy?  _ His mind was spinning out he need to do something. He carefully slid out from under Rey she murmured something in her sleep that he could not make out but he didn’t wake. 

He made his way to his office opens up his laptop. Being the logic driven man he was, he typed in the word Polyamory into the search window.  __ Ren begins to read.

_ About 13,300,000 results  _

_ pol·y·am·o·ry _

_ ˌpälēˈamərē/ _

_ noun _

 

  * __the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.__



 

 

**From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia**

**Polyamory** (from [ Greek](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_Greek) πολύ _poly_ , "many, several", and [Latin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin) _amor_ , "[love](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love)") is the ability or capacity to love more than one person at a time. Sometimes seen as the practice of, or desire for, [intimate relationships](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship) with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners involved, it has been described as "[consensual](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consent_\(criminal_law\)), [ethical](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethics), and [responsible](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_responsibility) [non-monogamy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy)". People who identify as polyamorous reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term [loving](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love) relationships.[[6]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#cite_note-:3-6) This concept is similar to the ideas and philosophies of [polygamy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy).

**_Polyamory_** has come to be an [umbrella term](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umbrella_term) for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or [romantic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_\(love\)) relationships. Its usage reflects the choices and [philosophies](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy_of_life) of the individuals involved, but with recurring [themes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theme_\(narrative\)) or [values](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Value_\(ethics\)), such as love, intimacy, honesty, [integrity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integrity), [equality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egalitarianism), [communication](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_communication), and [commitment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promise).

******As a practice**

Separate from polyamory as a philosophical basis for a relationship, are the practical ways in which people who live polyamorously arrange their lives and handle certain issues, as compared to those of a generally more socially acceptable monogamous arrangement.

**Values**

Main article:  [ Values within polyamory ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Values_within_polyamory)

  * Fidelity and loyalty: Many[[quantify](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Dates_and_numbers)] polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual exclusivity, but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship. As a relational practice, polyamory sustains a vast variety of open relationship or multi-partner constellations, which can differ in definition and grades of intensity, closeness, and commitment. For some, polyamory functions as an umbrella term for the multiple approaches of 'responsible non-monogamy'. A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and honesty" or "growing old together".
  * Communication and negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, polyamorists often[[how often?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Avoid_weasel_words)] advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to establish the terms of their relationships, and often emphasize that this should be an ongoing process of honest communication and respect. Polyamorists will usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; many accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals and that communication is important for repairing any breaches.
  * Trust, honesty, dignity, and respect: Most[[original research?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:No_original_research)] polyamorists emphasize respect, trust, and honesty for all partners. Ideally, a partner's partners are accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated, and usually, a relationship that requires deception or a "don't ask don't tell" policy is seen as a less than ideal model.
  * Non-possessiveness: Many polyamorists[[who?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Words_to_watch#Unsupported_attributions)] view excessive restrictions on other deep relationships as less than desirable, as such restrictions can be used to replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. It is usually preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other significant others (often referred to as OSOs[[by whom?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Words_to_watch#Unsupported_attributions)]) in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see [compersion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#Compersion)). Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal.



####  **Definitions of compersion**

  * PolyOz—"the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy." They comment that compersion can coexist with jealous feelings.
  * The Polyamory society—"the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another".



 

Ren had been at it for about an hour when he closed his laptop and sat back in his chair. There was a great deal of information he needed to digest. One item that was forefront in his mind was the concept of compersion. It was such a foreign idea to him yet appealing and one he thought he could eventually understand, possibly even feel. Especially with Rey. Everything he read made sense to him. From a philosophical standpoint he could reason out the positiveness of the practice and he felt he had a much better grip on the subject matter. He had jotted down a few books to pick up on the subject. Ren knew that his biggest challenge would be jealousy.  The idea that jealousy was a response to one's own feelings of inadequacies or insecurities was generally the root of all jealousy had him perplexed. This was something he needed to contonplate on more. 

He knew now that he wanted to give it a try and that he would need to do a lot of work on himself in order for it to workout. He felt his happiness was now entangled with his feelings for Rey and that he wouldn't be able to move on or forgive himself if he didn’t at least try. He glanced out the window and saw that the daylight was coming on quickly. He went back to the bed and cuddled around her pulling her body snug against his. He kissed the top of her head “ I am ready to try Rey.” Sleep took him as he held her close.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Like the First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut, smut, more smut with a side of smut. 
> 
> Sex and Crepes. What more could you ever want?
> 
> They take the plunge full throttle. Weeeeeeee...
> 
> For your listening pleasure her is my Connection Playlist:
> 
> Take me to Church by Hozier  
> First Time by Lighthouse  
> Here With We by Dido  
> Lost in you By Sugababes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your wonderful support and the kudos!!! It really has lifted my spirits. 
> 
> This process is a sort of rights of passage for me, taking on something that scared me to death, writing. I know I still have so much to learn, even at my age but, the process is transforming me in ways I never imagined.
> 
> This chapter was harder to write then I thought it would be but, it was also a lot of fun to do. I hope you enjoy the smut fest.
> 
> I will be posting about every two weeks for now. Can't wait to see where this goes!

Rey awoke to the sun streaming in through the sheer silver curtains, laying on black silk sheets, and Ren wrapped around her. His soft and steady breath tickling her ear. His warmth comforted her and felt like home. She didn't want to move, she didn’t want to change a thing for fear the dream would fade away. 

  
It was still early. Rens room was warm and quiet, thou filled with the light of the morning Sun, it had a sort of dark ambiance. She figured it was due to the fact that all his furniture was glossy black with chrome edgings, much like the rest of his apartment. Black and white abstract photos hung on two of the walls. She recognized one of them as a Brassai, one of her favorite photographers. The other was just as spectacular but, not familiar. He had excellent taste, even though he had such a pension for black. She couldn’t blame him she was drawn to it as well, especially in her darker times. When she was feeling insecure or depressed.

Ren snuggled into her like a big teddy bear. His arms muscular and strong and protecting. _ This is where you belong Rey, right here right now. Please let him understand! Please let him give us, this, a chance. If there is a maker out there somewhere give us the strength to make this work.  _ Rey was trying to tame the fear that scratched at the doors of her mind and focused on the hope and love that was building within her heart. She would give him all the time he needed. She would be patience. She could wait. But, she knew all too well how difficult being poly could be for someone who is new to it. If the philosophy, in the end, did not resonate with him it wouldn’t work out. It is something one has to figure out for themselves and embrace fully if they are to make anything out of it. 

Wanting to see his face she slowly turned into him, he moved to accompany her without fully waking. His eyes still closed, face beautiful in the sunlight that graced his large features. 

Ren wasn't traditionally handsome but, somehow his independent awkward parts fit together in a fantastic tapestry of beauty. His lips pink and full taunted her as she watched him sleep. She couldn’t resist caressing his cheek, his chin, his lips.

He stirred just then and kissed her fingertips as he slowly opened his eyes. He gazed lovingly at her for a long while, flecks of light danced in his eyes like fireflies. He took her hand with such tenderness and pressed gentle kisses along her palm then held it to his heart.

It felt like she was cracking open as waves of love and desire pushed forth. As she watched him, glimpses of emotion flowed across his face and retreated. She wished in that moment that they could read each other's minds, that all they needed to know could be shared in an instant. Then they would understand each other completely, the clumsy words would not get in the way.

Ren felt like he was in the arms of an angle she was gorgeous with her hazel eyes looking up at him with want, freckles sprinkled across her nose like a galaxy filled with stars. 

He had decided last night that he had to give them a chance. That all these feeling he had bound up inside of him were a sign that they were fated somehow. He searched for words to tell her, to assure her that this was possible, that he would do whatever was needed to make it work.

“Rey...Gods, you are so beautiful!” His voice rough from sleep “I...I want this, you. I want to make this work, give us a chance. Will you show me how to love like you do?”

“Oh, Ren! yes! She pressed her lips against his, not wanting to wait another second. Ren crushed her small body to him as he deepening the kiss with such passion she felt like she was melting into him. Their tongues pushed, probed, and entwined. He kissed down her neck across her collarbone, then licked back up to her ear nipped at it. Goosebumps blossomed over her skin, his kisses were like fluttering wings of a butterfly.

He slowly helped Rey remove her dress but, stopped as he realized she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His cock twitched as his eyes trailed up and down her legs and settled on the apex of her thighs, where soft curls adorned her. 

“Fuck Rey!” He choked out. Realizing that all this time she had not been wearing underwear. Probably since he eat her out on the balcony last night.  He would not have been able to contain himself the last 6 or so hours if he had known. 

His eyes seemed alight with fire as she pulled off the rest of her dress, slid the straps of her bra down and unsnapped it pulling it off and tossing it on the floor effortlessly. Then she pounced on him, pushing him down and straddling him, taking his hands in hers and pinning him to the bed beneath her. He didn’t resist her, in fact, he relinquished all control to her. He licked his lips as she stared down at them. Her core ached for him.

“What do you want Ren?”

“You.”

“I am here so now what?”

“I...I want to be inside you.” Rey smiled at that. 

“Hmmmm.” She hummed.

“ I think I owe you a little something.” She said coyly and let go of one of his hands and trailed her fingers down his bare chest till she reached the waistband of his sleep pants. She could feel his dick pulsing under her. She wants so badly to take him. 

“I want to taste you, love.” She breathed. Ren swallowed hard as he watched her edge down him and tug on his pants, snapping them against his skin. 

“Ouch!”

She scooched down as she bent over him bring her face close to his stomach. He could feel her breath hot and wet against his skin then she ran her tongue seductively down from his navel to where his pubic hair poked out from underneath his pants. He bucked uncontrollably, his desire blazing. “Rey!”

She looked up at him her eyes filled with mischievousness. 

“Yes, Ren?”  She nipped at him catching a bit of his skin in her teeth she sucked it in and he moaned with delight. 

“Please” He begged. He wanted her, needed her to touch him, to take him.

“What do you say, Ren?”

“Please... Mistress!”

“I want to hear you say it!”

“Please...take me, I am yours Mistress”

She reached up a pinched his nipples one after the other and he yelped. Then she dragged her nails down his torso leaving welts in her wake. Ren growled and arched under her touch. Then in one swift motion, she tugged his pants down to exposed his throbbing cock.

“Oh, my… such a big boy” She wasn’t expecting that. She knew he’d be large, especially given the size of his other feature. She wondered how the two of them would fit together. She was eager to find out.  _ He really does look like a fucking god. _ She thought. She took him in her hand and slowly stroked up and down his length. His head fell back and his body stiffened. 

The sensation of her hands on him was nearly too much. He feared he wouldn’t last. It had been so long. Every fiber in him was screaming, electric shock shooting through him with each stroke.

“Oh, Fuck...yes...oh...” He babbled uncontrollably bucking into her hands as he grabbed the steel bed frame above his head,  knuckles white his heart pounding.

Her tongue swiped over the head of his cock once, twice, then she wrapped her lips around it and sucked him into her mouth. He tried not to buck, for fear of hurting her. He was about to tell her to stop when she took him all the way in her mouth until he was pressed up against the back of her throat.  She gagged just a little then adjusting to herself and wrapped her tiny hand around the base of his length and started to suck again moving her hand along with her mouth up and down. She watched him as she tended to him. 

“REY!” He howled.

Moving one of his hand to the back of her head and the other to cup her face. Torn between flicking into her mouth hard and trying to relax into it.“You feel fucking fantastic!”

Deciding on the more gentle submissive approach, he forced himself not to move, not to breath, the sensation of being sheathed in her mouth was fucking heaven it took all he had, not to come right then and there. 

“Rey...I…” She slowly pulled back letting her teeth drag against his dick and popping off. “Fuck” He hissed. “If you keep that up I won’t last.”

“But you taste so good.” She whined.  

“ Please!... I want to be inside you, feel you warped around me.” 

“And how do good boys get what they want?” She demanded.

“Please, mistress... make love to me.”

“How can I resist such a handsome creature.” She slid off of him and pulled his pants down to his ankles then off and stood before him. Taking the sight of his sculpted body ready and waiting for her.  She ran her fingers up along his thighs watching the goosebumps rise on his skin as she did so.

He reached over to open his bedside table with his other hand and retrieved a condom.

“Here let me,” she said wickedly. He handed it to her and she ripped the wrapper open with her teeth. His dick lurching towards her as she slid the condom down his shaft. She kissed the tip and smiled up at him. 

“Maker help me! I want you so bad.” 

He watched her climb back over him, wrapping her legs around his firm body, granting him more access to her. He could feel his cock nudging at her entrance. It sent little lightning bolts dancing up his spine. He was frozen in place and trembling. Fearful of the next step. He wanted it, needed it, but like she had said last night, there would be no going back. He had already fallen but, this, this would seal the deal for him.

“It’s ok Ren” Seeing the fear in his eyes.  She kissed him lovingly as she pulled him towards her slick folds. His cock pressing into her slowly as she guided him in. Even with her full arousal, it was still tight. She slid down him slowly. She felt like she was being split open, the pleasure outweighing the twinge of pain.

“Oh my god...Oh, Fuck!” She gasped. He filled her completely. Her inside vibrated with what felt like an electric shock. 

He truly thought he had died and gone to heaven. Her warmth engulfing him as she sunk deeper down him till he was seated completely inside. It was like nothing he had ever experienced. Sex was never this good before and they had barely even started. It felt like the first time, perfect and fucking spiritual. He could feel her walls adjusting to him as she started to move up… and …. down. Each time sinking till he could feel himself top out up against her walls. 

She moaned and rocked against him driving him wild with lust. He pushed up into her getting as deep as he could and she cried out with pleasure. “YES!”

Ren was lost in Rey as he watched his cock move in and out of her. She was riding him with abandon. With each thrust, he felt like he would burst apart. It took all his discipline to keep from cumming too soon.  

They fit together like two halves of the same soul begging to never be parted. The feelings shooting through him where... he could not find words, he had no vocabulary for the way he felt, his insides were coming to life.   _ Fire?  Energy? _ Vibrations? Those weren’t even close to describing it but, it was the only words he had.    
  
She was soft and tight and her body moved in unison with his, pulling him closer then he had ever been with anyone. He felt like they were merging into one cosmic Force. His eyes welled up with tears. Tears of joy, lust, love, fucking all of it. He didn’t think he could feel this way for anyone. He looked up at her in awe. She was writhing above him her legs gripping him so strongly he was sure there'd be bruises on both of them from it. She clawed at his chest and arms, her eyes wild and passionate.

Rey could feel the thread of connection between them coming to life. She could feel his energy wrapping around her core melding with hers becoming one. The fire rising within her felt like a great snake swirling around and up her spine leaving smoldering embers in its wake.  _ This is it! The kundalini energy here Tantra teacher had spoke of. OMFG!  _ Her body was singing with light and love. 

She clung to him as if he was her life support. With every thrust the snake edge further up her spine and every fiber of her being. It was like something inside of her had awakened from a long-dormant sleep. And now, now it was taking her over from the inside out. Never had she felt such desire and completeness with another human being.

“Yes... Oh... Ren...I’m... Fuck!... yes! “

She felt like she was splitting apart but she didn't care. She yearned for it. She demanded it. She slammed down on him forcing him deeper. There was a place deep inside her that roared each time he reached it. It wasn’t her Gspot it was like the root of her core and with each thrust against it, she felt a connection pulse between them. Her vaginal wall quivered and clinched as everything went white and she screamed his name as she felt the surge of fire reach her brain exploding into a billion stars. 

Ren could feel his cock hitting her cervix each time she slid completely down him barring his length within her. She moaned uncontrollably until he felt her cascade over the edge. Her juices coding him, her inner muscle gripping down on him pushing him to his limit. It felt like wildfire was flowing through his veins as he climaxed. His cumm pulsing out of him in a seemingly endless river. He didn’t think he could stop. He was fucking out of control he just kept pumping into her as they rode out their climax together. Until they finally collapsed, breathless, spent, and intangeld in each other's limbs. Their bodies hummed in unison, trembling and breathless. They griped each other closure as they basked in their connection.

Ren was not finished with her yet. Once he had caught his breath and gained some measure of control again he leaned in and nestled into her neck with a growl. Then he started biting and sucking at her pulse point leaving marks as he traveling downward to her chest. Flicking her left nipple with his tongue then taking it into his mouth and sucking firmly. His hand cupped around the other one kneading it. She moaned with delight pull him hard against her. Ren responded with biting her gently at first while paying attention to her response. She tugged at his hair. He loved the sensation, pain and pleasure twisted together in his mind. He licked her breast again then bit her harder and she bucked against him. “You like that ?”  

“Yes!” 

He moved her over pressing her back against the mattress and dug in again, biting down with more force. She whimpered with want.

The feel of his teeth taunted her. She pressed his head against her skin begging for more. His ministrations felt like he might devour her as he left his mark on her breast, her rib cage, her stomach. The energy coiled inside of her again, her core screaming with need. As he moved ever closer to her center.

He kissed her hip bone then looked up at her. “May I” his baritone voice edged with lust as he placed his hands on her inner thighs with a gentle nudge.

“God's yes!”

He took hold of her thighs stretching them apart then hooked them over his shoulders as his tongue licked up her slick then down again. Slowly he repeatedly licked her making her gasp and squirm as he searched out her clit. Finding it he circled his tongue around it over and over again as she bucked against his face. Gripping her ass as he slowly moved his tongue down to find her opening again then pressed his tongue inside her, as his nose pressed into her clit. He brought his hands around the pull her folds back and spread her legs more so his tongue could dive even deeper inside. He loved the way she tasted, sweet and salty and unmistakably Rey. He moaned into her, he couldn’t get enough. He wanted to hear her scream, come undone, lose her control.

“ I want to hear you, Rey! Scream for me!” He ordered. It sent lighting to her core.

Everywhere his tongue flick inside of her she felt electricity shoot through her and edging closer and closer to the breaking point. Ren pushed his large digest into her as he continued to lick and nipple at her folds. The sensation was overwhelming she clenched around him wanting to secure him to her. Slowly she released as he started the move in and out of her searching till he found her G Spot and pressed into it then started moving his finger in that come-hither sort of motion over and over again. She arched her back pressing hard against his face. Intangible sounds fell from her mouth unable to form actual words in the delirium that had taken her. And then he pressed another finger into her as he licked at her clit and gnawed on it like she was fucking dessert.  She screamed his name as she crested and the waters broke free. He pulled his finger out and sucked at her cunt has the waves of orgasm consumed her. He drank and drank as she writhed.

Ren could not believe they way Rey respond to his touch, his lips, his tongue, Her cumm covered him, she tasted like honey and there was no finer nectar in all the world. He drank from her holy grail like it was the second coming. He eagerly lapped up her primal juices as she slowly came down from her climax.  He could stay like this forever nestled between her legs in the sweetness of her. He had never really thought he would like eating a woman out but this, her, she was delectable. With every lick, he felt her body sing, which just made him want to please her more. He nuzzled into her again nipping at her folds and along her inner thigh. He was so fucking hard and he wanted to sheath himself again within his bright star, to feel her from the inside, make her come again and again till she was satiated beyond need. He kissed his way up her body till he found her lips.

Rey could taste herself on his tongue it was fucking hot. She licked his lips and chin and down his neck. She could feel his arousal again begging for attention. She wanted to feel him inside her again she felt like a fucking addict she couldn’t pull herself away from him, the draw to strong, the need to great. He grabbed her hands and pressed them above her head and kissed her with such force she tasted blood.

“You want me to fuck you again?” 

Seeming more like a declaration than a question. His dominance was surfacing again. She loved him turning the tables. His strength and desire made her keen. 

“Yes” 

He plunged himself into her full force and she screamed and thrashed beneath his massive form. She started mercessly pumping into her. He wasn’t gentle with her he was taking what he wanted. He moved his hands under her knees to press her legs up over her so he could plunge deeper inside. 

“Thats it Rey give yourself to me!”

His ground insider her with abandon. All semblance of control had left him again as he went wild with desire. He wanted to be part of her take up residence within her.  _ You feel like silk and velvet surrounded by iron!  _  “FUCK!...You're so Tight!” He shook with delight as he thrust into her, ravishing her, losing himself in the waves of pleasure. He felt her wall shudder and clinch his cock like a vise as she shattered beneath him screaming his name over and over again and grinding herself up against him.

Shakely she took his face into her hands she looked into his eyes. He felt as if she could see through to his very soul. There was no more need for words for their body's had a language all their own. It surpassed any logic that their minds could supply. Between them, he could feel a cyclic energy that seemed to flow from him into her and from her into him. Mixing and melding creating a river of love between them that endlessly moved through them until he felt that river warped around his spine, his heart, and then reaching up into the base of his skull imploding. He felt complete and loved. 

\-----

They had fallen asleep embracing each other tenderly.  Ren’s alarm clock buzzed forcing them to wake. Ren untangled himself for her loving arms and grabbed the alarm clock and threw it across the room. Then curled back around her small lushes body. Brushing her shoulder with kisses. “Good morning sunshine.”

She nestled deeper into the heat of him “Good morning love” She whispered. “umm...what time is it?”

“8:30”

She groaned

“Do you have work?”

“No, class, but not till 10.  I should probably pull myself together thou.”

Taking her into his arm lifting her as he stood up. “Let's get you cleaned up”

He carried her into the master bathroom letting her down gently in the bathtub. He turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up then lead her under the spray. He lathered her up with body gel making sure to clean every inch of her. 

The sensation of his hands slipping across her skin made her want him inside of her again. He washed her hair then massaged conditioner, that smelled like gardenias, into her hair. It felt marvelous to have him tending to her so sweetly.

She followed his lead and reciprocated. Lathering him up, taking extra care as she stroked his cock clean. His head fell back his hand up against the wall caging her in as he whimpered in pleasure. “Neither of us are going anywhere if you keep that up.” He growled. 

She forced herself to stop and turn her efforts to washing his soft raven locks. Even though every part of her screamed in complaint. They held each other till the water ran cold. Stepping out Ren grabbed a plush towel from the cupboard and started drying her off slowly rubbing the towel over each part of her till she was completely dry. 

“Coffee? Breakfast ?” He questioned her as he stood there before her buck naked.

“Um sure…shouldn't we dry you off first?”

“No need.” He kissed her for head and bonded out of the bathroom. But came back quickly to ask. “Do you need some clothes?”

“That would be awesome!”

He brought her back a black cashmere sweater and a pair of silky black boxer shorts.

“Thank you!” She slipped them on quickly. They were too big but, oh so comfortable. She had to fold the waistband over to keep the shorts up and the sweeter pretty much reached her knees but, it would do for now. She made her way out to the kitchen where she could smell the coffee already brewing.

“Oh, that smells good!”

“ would you like a crepe?” She was smiling at her with nothing but a Superman apron on.

“A crepe?” She looked at him questionably. 

“ Yeah, you know a French pancake with stuff inside. Sweet or savory you chose.”

“Wow! You can make crepes?”

He nodded.

“Well then sweet by all means!”

Ren went to work mixing the batter, cutting up strawberries and whipping the cream. She watched him, well really just his ass as he went about his task. Then she painstakingly took stock of the rest of his backside. His back was muscular, with broad shoulders, and narrow waist,  his ass was solid with dimples, and his legs were strong and lean. She was drooling just a bit. As he spun around. He flipped the crepe onto a plate covered if with strawberries and cream and handed it to her. 

“You know if you keep this up I may never leave, right?”

“That's the idea.” He grinned and kissed the top of her head.

  
  
  



	8. Reverberations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after... oh the feels and reverberations of their time together. 
> 
> They both tend to over think and are prone to feeling unsure and questioning everything.
> 
> Rose and Fynn push Rey to share.
> 
> This chapter is all character development, sharing, and over thinking. I promise SMut in the next! 
> 
> Stars I hope you like this! Comments are always welcome and kudos help me keep the faith. :)
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story!
> 
> Rey' 80s playlist
> 
> Melt with you by Modern English  
> I want Candy by Fine Young Cannibals   
> Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears  
> Love lift us up where we belong by Joe Cocker  
> Take my breath away by Berlin  
> Metro by Berlin  
> Human Touch by Rick Springfield   
>  Left Of Center by Suzanne Vega  
> Get To Know Ya by Jesse Johnson  
> It's Friday I am in Love by the Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken so long to publish this chapter. 
> 
> My life was thrown a curveball or two, hmm maybe three. It's just been a mess and well work consumed my life for a bit and now trying to strike a balance again. 
> 
> I will try to get the next chapter out in a more timely fashion.

Rey found her way out of Ren’s apartment building stepping out onto the sidewalk the sun was shining, birds chirping, and her heart danced. She walked along the lake to her car. It was a truly an idyllic morning more so given the glorious wee hours that were spent in Ren’s arms. Her head was still swirling with endorphins.  Wrapped in his sweater, engulfed in his sent, she was high as a kite. She kept having to stop along her way as she got caught up in thoughts of him. Closing her eyes lost in the memory of his lips, his hands, and his tongue. Their bodies finding their natural rhythm. 

Their lovemaking had been incredible, passionate, and connective. She was beyond floored by the way she and Ren melded so perfectly, how his touch elicited her devotion, his hands igniting parts of her she didn't know existed. The way his tongue made her body respond anew. The reverberations of their escapades still surfed under her skin.

At her car, she rummaged through her trunk trying to find leggings to put on. Rey tended to keep a wide assortment of items in her trunk. Growing up poor and spending some time living on the street she tended to hoard stuff away just in case. Rey had a deep desire to be prepared and self-contained so much so that she could probably live out of her car for weeks if need be. She had a stash of food, bedding, workout clothes, first aid kit, hiking boots, water, art supplies including a camera, books, a journal, down jacket, scarves, and goodness knows what else was buried in the depths. Sighing with delight when she finally found the leggings she was looking for and her extra toothbrush. She pulled them out along with her baby doll flats. She threw her garter and stockings, along with her boots into the trunk and slammed it closed, hopped in her trusty Falcon then tugged of Ren’s boxers and squirmed into the leggings. Then slipped on the baby dolls and buckled herself in.

Just as she was about to drive off her phone chimed. Of course, it was Finn checking up on her. Rey knew she should have been more diligent and texted him last night. She honestly had not intended to stay over but, sleepiness and Ren’s strong arms around her sent her deep into dreamland. It had been a long time since she had slept that well. And then the lovemaking at sunrise was absolutely exquisite and she just wasn’t tracking the mundane world after that.

Finn to Rey> Yo! Peanut! What's up? You didn’t come home last night?? I just wanted to check in see if all is well? Texted me so, we like don’t call the cops!

“Shit!”

Rey to Finn> Sorry!!! Everything is fine. I am safe and sound, heading to work.

Finn to Rey> Soooo how was the date?

Rey to Finn > Fucking Fantastic. Still reeling. Tell you later! Lunch?

Finn to Rey >Have you checked in with Rose yet?

Rey to Fynn> No, why?

Finn to Rey> I think she was hoping you would connect with her,   tell her what's going on. You know communication? You are still dating each other technically so...

Rey to Fynn> Fuck! You are right. I should have told her more on Sunday! I was just too worked up.  I will check in with her. Thank you!!!

Finn to Rey> 1:30 pm, Le Boulanger?

Rey to Finn> Perfect! Xoxox

Rey hesitates to call Rose. She takes a deep breath to center herself and pulls up Rose’s contact info. Feeling fearful she clutches it to her chest.  _ Rey get a grip! It's ok. You haven't done anything wrong. Telling her is totally cool, this is how it works _ !

Rey was still struggling with the nuances of communications as well as getting over the programmed notions of monogamy. Even though she wholeheartedly believed in polyamory she still found herself in an internal conflict over many of the things she was brought up to believe and how she was taught to act, that was contrary to being polyam. It was as they say a process of becoming and one that was more about the journey than the outcome.

She took a deep breath and pushed call.

“Hi, ReyRey! What's up?”

“ I… I wanted to check in with you and say hi. Sorry I did not make it home last night. I totally planned going home but I …”

 

“Rey! You don’t have to apologize. Really I understand. I just want to be kept in the loop. You know?”

“Yes, of course.”

“So…? How was it with tall dark and way too fucking hot for his own good?”

Rey laughed. Rose was often so descriptive and blunt. It was refreshing and maddening at times. “It was lovely!”

“Ok girl is that all I am getting from you? I mean come on!”

“No, I will tell you more. Hey, you want to do lunch with Finn and I at Le Boulanger?”

“Would love to. Time?”

“You know lunch o'clock for me is always 1:30 on Mondays.”

“Yes, of course, how could I possibly forget? Count me in! I’ll meet you there.”

“I can’t wait to see you love!”

“Love you!”

“And I you!”

Finally finding parking a mile in half away she made her way to the store. Passing all the shop openers tending to their goods in preparation for the day. 

She slid back the heavy metal grading and unlocked the doors, turned on the lights, set up the register and counter for the day. Fumbling with the Laptop she pulled up Spotify and selected her daily 80’s mix to get her groove on!

“I’ll Melt With You” poured out of the speakers and she smiled thinking of melting into him. Her eyes closed as she swayed to the music imagining his arms wrapped around her and his lips exploring her body. She lost herself in the daydream till the bell over the door jingled signaling the entry of a customer. Pulled out of her thoughts she pulled herself together and got to work.

Hours passed as she busied herself with sorting and stocking, then studying for her modern art history course but was struggling to focus. She just kept falling into all-consuming memories of him. If she wasn’t certain before, she was now well aware of just how far she had fallen. Every part of her felt touched, changed irrevocably by her connection to Ren. The strings of connection had secured her to him and him to her. He would always be part of her soul now.

Rey was notorious for being emotionally attached despite her fear of getting hurt. She tended to hold on to her feelings for those she has loved no matter how bad the relationship might have ended. She carried a spark for everyone she ever cared for. 

Despite being abandoned by her parents she still believed they loved her and she loved them. There was still that tiny part deep in her heart that held out for them to return, even with all the PTSD she experienced because of there careless actions. 

She even still had feelings for her horrible ex who beat her up and took what little she had and left her bleeding in the cutter. Every John she had spent time with had cut feeling into her heart that never seemed to leave. 

She still loved Poe deeply even though their relationship had become nearly platonic. And then there was Rose their relationship was a stream of off and on. She loved her deeply too and always will no matter what. She just didn’t stop loving you. Her heart was too big for that, her spirit too forgiving. She always held space for the possibility of good in everyone.

Rey glanced up at the clock it was 1:15 pm, she gathered her things and put the ‘out to lunch’ sign on the door, locked up, and made her way up the street to the Le Boulanger.

The Le Boulanger was one of their favorite hunts, French knock-off bakery with heavenly grilled cheese and pastries to die for.

She slumped down into one of the booths breathing in Ren’s scent from his sweater again.  _ You're never getting this sweater back Ren!  _ She smiled to herself as the waitress came up to the table asking her if anyone was joining her.

Rey ordered an English Breakfast tea with cream and sugar, dreading the 5 plus hours she still had to go today, she knew she needed caffeine to sustain herself into the evening. She was glad today was a Monday and it was quiet at the store. It allowed her time to catch up on her studies. And now that all the wonderful chemicals had left her system she was rather exhausted and sore, in a good way,  something she was not accustomed to. 

Ren was a large man and they fit well together perfectly but, her body still needed to get used to the stretch and the power that flowed from him.

She could tell he had been holding back at least a little this morning.  His timidness and fear of hurting her was apparent. She relished the point at which Kylo Ren would truly let loose his caged soul and give in to his desires and passions completely, letting the primal man within him free at last.

She knew there were so many layers to that man that he didn't even realize how bent up he was, how much he held back. Rey wanted to know fucking everything about him,  every inch of his skin, the recesses of his mind, the longing of his heart. To experience all of him. She knew that would mean that she would have to do the same for him and in doing so she would have to give up some if not all of her control. With Ren, she had felt herself start to crack open her. control waning bit by bit, and that scared the hell out of her.

_ Can we dance the edges with each other? Giving and taking, subbing and domming, in ways that would satisfy us both. _

She recognized the warring sides of herself welling up. Fluctuating between wanting to be taken by him, relinquishing her control, losing herself and on the other end keeping control over him, taking what she wanted to, his fate in her hands. So, she would be safe, not vulnerable, less likely to be hurt.

Rey wasn’t sure she was ready to really be vulnerable in that way again. Her past was filled with wounds and scars that she worried would be triggered if she were to fully trust him and let him in.  Even though every atom within her cried for it when she was near him. She didn’t want her past to surface and destroy this. She needed to take it slow, to be sure of him.

“Hi, ReyRey!” Rose set her books down on the table then brushed her hand along Rey’s cheek. “You look tired hun.”

“A bit” Rey leaned into her hand and kissed her palm. “Here sit by me.” She made room for Rose on the bench beside her. Rose slid in next to her and Rey warped her arm around Rose. She loved Rose dearly. Their relationship was deeply caring and nurturing. There connection gentle and true but, not overtly passionate. And as much as she tried she still was lousy at the relationship. 

She couldn't understand how a complete stranger, Kylo Ren, had managed to make her feel so at ease as he did. She felt a pang of guilt as she nuzzled Rose. Rose deserved her trust, her love just as much.  _ I need to try harder. _

“How was your day Love?” Rey offered as a good girlfriend would.

“Great! Finished up my paper for my Mechanical Engineering Class.”

“Oh good for you! I know you were struggling with that one.” Rose nodded then there was silence between them for a moment.

“Sooooo” Rose nudged her.

“What?” Rey was blushing now. She knew exactly what Rose wanted.

“How was the dark-haired Sequoia?”

“Rose!”

“What?... Oh, come on he’s a fucking tree! I’d climb him too if I had a chance.”

“OMG!” Rey buried her face in her hands.

“Rey! Come on I want to know all the juicy details. I am not going to be jealous. I am not just your lover I am also your friend and that means sharing our downs and our ups…and I am assuming he was definitely and up... Was he good? In bed I mean.”

“Astonishing...passionate...sweet...attentive…I”

“Built?”

“OMG! Yes built... huge!”

“Hello ladies” Finn dropped down in the bench across from them. Rey turned even a darker shade of red and slumped down into her seat again.

“What did I just interrupt?” Finn looked at them quizzically.

“Rey was just explaining Ren’s attributes. It was just getting good!”

“Really now! Don’t let me stop you.”

“Can we just order lunch. I am starved.” Rey said trying to turn the subject away from her sex life. She knew they meant well. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell them,  it was just this sort of sharing was never something she learned to do. It was not in her nature and extremely challenging.

“Sure but, I really want details, missy!” Rose pulled her in and gave her a rather sloppy wet kiss on her cheek, then picked up a menu and eyed it with utter lust.

As usual, they ordered enough food to feed a platoon and made their way through it in record time. Talking and laughing about their classes and work. Finally getting back around to Reys date with Ren.

“So what's the story with this Kylo Ren?” Finn stared her down with one of his eyebrows arched in curiosity. “He’s a client turned lover?”

“Well sort of, I mean, yes. He bid on me at the action and won. Turns out he did that mainly because he wanted to meet me.”

“Ok. Seems like an odd way to go about it.”

“And an expensive one at that.”

“Why? What did he bid?”

“$1,000.”

“Fuck, that's a lot of money!”

“I know!... From the moment I meet him, there was chemistry between us. It was insane. I meet him after the show and we agreed to talk the next day. When I talked to him Saturday morning I somehow ended up asking him out to dinner that night. We met up at the store and head over to Oliveto’s. We talk over the session plans and we just hit it off. He was so easy to talk to. Our connection was uncanny, really! And then... Well, the sessions the next day was intoxicating and… I…” Her words were failing her.

“Rey? ...come on you can tell us, we won’t judge you.”

“Well there are things I can’t share or at least not when he’s... or was a client. I... I broke my rules and kissed him. I couldn’t help myself and he kissed me back with so much desire. I felt out of control. I nearly jumped him then and there.”

“So, is he a sub?” Rose asked.

“Yes... well maybe not...I am not sure. I  mean he definitely was into the sub thing but, it was his first time and well I feel like he is rather dominating in the rest of his life and not one to relinquish control easily.”

“So a switch then?”

“Maybe, Probably.”

“How do you feel about that?” Finn urged her on.

“ I like the idea of it but, then you know my trust issues…”

“Yes… yes, I do!” Rose interjected. “And I can tell you already have feelings for him.”

Rey nodded quietly.

“So what about after the session? You went to his place I take it?” Finn continued the onslaught of inquiring.

“Well, after the session we made plans to have dinner together at his place that evening. He cooked a delicious feast for me, he was so sweet and sexy. And while we were waiting for it to cook we made out on the balcony. It got rather hot and heavy and…” Rey just couldn’t say it. Even with all her experience in the sex working field, talking about her sex life openly, like this was a damn near impossible for her.

“What? You had sex on the balcony? Come on Rey! That happens all the time, no need to be ashamed of it.” Finn said.

“ I am not… I mean...that wasn’t it. It was some intense, I mean I never… I...”

“What then?” Rose nudged her.

“ He went down on me...and I... I mean…it was fucking amazing...and I”

They looked at her intently trying to will her to speak. She just stared down at the table for a moment until she felt their eyes burning into the top of her head.

“Rey?” She looked up at them shyly.

“ This is hard. Really hard!  He did things to me. It was fucking unbelievable. He made me… I” She groaned “ I...I came all over him... fuck!...are you happy now?” She set back a folding her arms across her chest exasperated and red-faced.

“Oooooh, wow!... You squirted, didn’t you?... You've never done that...” Rose whispered a hint of dismay in her voice.

“Well, that's fantastic! isn’t it?” Finn offered.

“Yes, it was fucking incredible actually. And no I have never done that before. I...”

“Soooo what’s the problem?” Finn turned his palm up in question.

“No problem. It’s just hard for me to share like this. I am still not used to it.”

“Rey we are here for you and we want to be as open with each other as we can. It builds healthy and supportive relationships.” Rose offered.

“I know and I love you guys! I do! I just need to work on the sharing thing.”

“Thank you, Rey! It means a lot to me that you can share this with me, with us.” Rose leaned in kissing her sweetly on the lips.” It made Rey all warm and fuzzy inside. She relaxed some.

“Well, my lovelies I must be off, duty calls.” Finn stood up and stretched his back. “See you at home?”

“Yes.” They both offered.

“And you sweetheart...” Finn leaned into Rose’s face lifting her chin up and kissing her longingly. “Owe me some cuddle time tonight!”

“Oh man! Do I have too!” Rose teased.

“Yes, you do!” Finn dragged her out of the booth giving her a bear hug, searching out her lips with his own and kissing her with abandon making her blush. Then gently setting her down.

“Love you both!” and he was gone.

Rose sat back down next to Rey and leaned into her. “Soooo when do I get some alone time with you?” She asked seductively.

“Tomorrow afternoon?”

“Perfect! Want to do a hot tub?”

“Oh yes, that would be awesome!”

“I’ll meet you there at 3 p.m.?”

“Yes,” Rey said sweetly then wrapped her arms around Rose and kissed her passionately. Her hands sinking into Roses thick black hair pulling her body closer to her. Rose’s lips opened letting Rey’s tongue plunge the depths of her mouth. Heat spiraled around Rey’s core as their kiss deepened and Rose’s tongue toyed with hers.

Finally, they pulled apart gasping for air and Rose glanced at her watch. “Shit I have to go! I am going to be late!”

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Yes! Love you!”

“And I you!”

\---

Ren had lost complete track of time staring off into the distance through the plate glass window overlooking the skyline, deep in thoughts of her. His mind was not on the looming projects due at the end of the week or the hundreds of emails sitting in his inbox. All he could think about was Rey, how she tasted, how her skin felt against his, the way she clenched around his cock when she came. He was done for, smitten, all he could think about was her. She had taken over every inch of his brain, every cell of his body.

He felt light, free, and awake in a way he hadn’t felt in what seemed a lifetime, not since he was a child. When life had seemed so much brighter. But now after just 18 hours with her, he didn’t feel like there was a black hole at his center anymore. He felt hope which, he had thought long gone completely from his life. She had awakened him, she had somehow reached in and restarted his heart. He couldn't help but be in awe of her and care for her.

Oh and all the things they had done. He longed to feel his wrist bound in silk and the sting of leather across his chest, he needed to be at her mercy, at her command again. But how?  _ Do I just say hay dominate me? Do I ask for another session? How does this even work in a relationship? I mean if we are in a relationship that is. No, yes you are in a relationship!  _ He was sure that she too felt the pull between them and want him. But, of course as is everything in Kylo Ren’s world, there was always some doubt and sooner or later his insecurities floated up to the surface and started wreaking havoc.

He thought of her words of support and understanding, her willingness to try and his pledge to her. How the fuck was he going to pull this off. He had read up on the subject of Polyamory and he understood it, truly he did and he even agreed with it to some extent but, that did not change the way he was brought up and the programming he was subjected to. It would take a great deal of work to undo. He knew he had to if he wished to be with Rey. Yet his demons continued to lurk. It was clear it would take all his fortitude to forge a clear path for their success.  

It didn’t help that his thoughts turned to the infidelities of his father and how it destroy his parent's marriage. How he watched his family come apart at the seems over jealousy and lies. 

He knew himself to be a jealous person, how was he to deal with those feelings. How would he be when he meets one of Rey's lovers? His head swam with thoughts of her with someone else. _Can I really share her?FUCK!_  He never shared ever! He was a lonely, stingy, only child. 

He never went without until he was sent away to live with his uncle and that didn’t go well. He had been fucking spoiled as a boy he knew that. Even if it had all been done out of the guilt of his parents for not being available, it had fucked him up. 

Though they were not in his life anymore, his father dead and bared and his mother kept at bay, he was used to getting whatever he wanted, the way he wanted it, and when he wanted it. He didn’t generally take no for an answer and he was well off enough to never be without anything he desired. 

He was well aware there would have to be some deep learning and coming to terms with the monsters in his closet if he wanted her. She was not something to own and he didn’t want that. But, he was not sure how to be with her the way that would be required. He needed to take it slow, talk it out with her honestly, open up to her, trust her, maybe even get help from his therapist. This was a new unknown territory for him.

He had to focus on the love he felt blossoming inside of him and how he felt when he was with her. That could sustain him, somehow he knew her light could show him the path.

Hux was in his face now, screaming something. He couldn’t hear him, didn’t fucking care to. Not until Hux started shaking him did he come around, letting the outer world flood in.

“KYLO! What the fuck is going on with you? .. I have been talking to you for 5 minutes! What the fuck!”

“What?” Ren spat.

“What are you thinking about so intently.”

“Oh ...um... “  _ Shit! Pull it together!  _ “I was trying to work out a sequencing problem.”

“Really? ...Well, get your fucking head out of the clouds. Mitaka has been trying to get ahold of you for the last hour.  There is a problem with the last installment on the Naboo project and he needs you to track down the bug... NOW!”

“Fuck!...I’m on it.”

“Good! I will see you in the morning.”

“Wait! What? You're leaving already?”

“Kylo! It's 4 pm I’ve been here since 6 am unlike some people!”

“Oh.” Was all he could say. He had not realized the day had literally passed him by. Hux spun around and stormed out of his office. 

Hux was even more of a work alcohol then Ren was. There friendship if you could call it that was strained at best. They had known each other most of their lives. Always in competition with each other and trying to one-up the other.  They understood each other but didn’t trust the other with much more than that they could count on the other to trying to win or be right.

He pulled out his phone to find no less than 7 text message from Mitaka ranging from “Hay need your help.” to “WTAF.” and “ KYLO WHERE ARE YOU!”  Kylo felt a mortified that he had been so out of it to have missed what was happening around him. This was not like him. He dialed Mitaka’s number in hopes of rectifying his mistake.

The next few hours he found himself buried in debugging and longing to be in Rey's arms again.

When the last issue was finally fixed and things were fully functional again he pulled out his phone and texted Rey.

Ren to Rey> Hello, starlight how was your day?

Rey to Ren> Good but tiring. Yours?”

Ren to Rey> Filled with daydreams of you till the real world came crashing in. I’d love to see you tonight if you have time.

Rey to Ren> I’m working till 7 pm but, if you are willing to come to my place after. I’d be game. ;)

Ren to Rey> Deal! What time? Address?

Rey to Ren> 7:30, 1013 14th st.

Ren to Rey> Can I bring you anything?

Rey to Ren> Wine would be lovely!

Ren to Rey> You got it. Will you be hungry?

Rey to Ren> Always!

Ren to Rey> How do you feel about  Bánh mì for dinner?

Rey to Ren> Love it!

Ren to Rey> I’ll pick some up on the way.delete

Rey to Ren> You are my hero! I wasn’t really looking forward to popcorn delight tonight, nor would it be fair to subject you to it. 

Ren to Rey> Popcorn for dinner? Really? 

Rey to Ren> My specialty!

Ren to Rey > Well then I must try it.

Rey to Ren> The melted butter is the best part.

Ren to Ray > Ummmm I can imagen sucking it off your fingers.

Rey to Ren > Oh you give me such devilish ideas.

Ren to Rey> To share, please!

Rey to Ren > Patience my padawan.

Ren to Rey > I am at your command.

Rey to Ren > We shall see.

Ren to Rey> See you soon. xoxox

Rey to Ren> Can’t wait! Xoxoxo

Ren smiled to himself thrilled at the notion of seeing her again. He checked his email for any last minute items then powered down his laptop. It was 6:15 pm. Time to take a shower and pick up some food and a bottle of wine then head over to Rey’s.

As he hopped on to his motorcycle he wondered if he should share with her his daydreams about her flogging him. He worried about what she might think and yet felt that sharing via texed just might be so much easier to say the things that would be difficult to bring up in person. The session was different easier somehow,  he hadn’t had to approach her directly it was softened by the auction transaction. Now it was more personal, weighty. Her response meant everything to him. Before he could lose his courage. He texted her again.

Ren to Rey> To be honest, I can’t stop imaging being on my knees and at your command again.

Rey to Ren> And what would you wish me to do to you?

Ren to Rey> Anything you want…I... long to feel the leather upon my skin, your nails dragging down my chest, and to taste you again.

Rey to Ren> Ummm and I long to tie you up and have my way with you.  But, first, we should check in.

Ren to Rey> Yes, Mistress!

Rey to Ren> Good boy!

Rey smiled to her self. He was fucking adorable and sexy even over text. She could not wait to see him touch him, kiss him.  Thou she knew she had to address the fine line between her work and their relationship and the future before them. She actually saw a future with him that she never dreamed she would even entertain with anyone. But, she really didn’t a have clue as to how to navigate a love relationship entwined with the work she did. She had broken so many rules and now wasn’t sure how to proceed. Her relationship with Poe had turned to purely Sub/Dom before she had trained and the feelings that were coming to life with Ren were unlike anything she had ever experienced. This would be new ground for her as well as for him. It was now clear that he wanted the Dom/Sub dynamic to continue, to some extent at least.  _ Is that what you want Rey? I honestly don’t know but, I have to find out.  _ All she was certain of was the longing within her soul to be at his side.

With a bottle of Sangiovese and dinner, Ren found himself at the gate of what looked like a salvage yard. There seemed to be all sorts of scrap items along with an old beat up Karmann Ghia half dismantled and random bits of things he had no clues as to what they were. A few might have been sculptural art pieces for all he knew. A tiny sign handwritten in glow in the dark paint said: “bush the button” with an arrow pointing down to a lime green doorbell. When he pushed it set off a melodic chime of delicate bells that sounded across the yard.

“Hello “ came across a small speaker hanging to the left of the chain link gate.

“It’s Ren” He offered and the gate slowly opened.

He walked through the path that cut through piles of metal into a small patio garden area built up on wood pallets. It was alright with tiny fairy lights draped across the latus over the head. It looked sort of magical.

The sliding glass door at the end of the path opened and there she stood swimming in his sweater hair piled on top of her head and the sweetest smile head ever seen.

“Well hello, there handsome” Rey held out her hand to him. “Can I help you with some of that?” Ren’s hands were too full indeed. She took the bottle of wine from him and lead them into her space. His eyes went wide as he saw how open it was. It was a true artist warehouse space with a big open area that had several doors to rooms leading off from it. He followed her to what seemed to be the kitchen area and she sat the bottle down on the counter and took the bag of food from him and placed that down as well. She turned to him moving in close and looked up at him with eyes bright. He felt his heart skip a beat, catching his breath as he gazed down at her.  _ My god, you are an angle.  _ He touched her cheek softly then his fingers moved to her chin with a gentle caress. Hesitating just a moment there, watching her to see if she would protest. She rose up on to her toes in response shortening the distance between them. He bent down and kissed her softly, slowly, his tongue slipping into her mouth as she opened to him. Their hands wrapped around each other as their kiss deepened and the urgency wheeled up within both of them. His hand moving to the back of her neck and pressing into her harder.

She felt her body react with fire shooting through her veins. She gripped his wide back with such force she feared she might just rip his shirt off. His kisses trailed across her face to her ear and down her neck. “I’ve been thinking about you all day, Rey. I can’t get you out of my head.” He whispered into her skin.

“It’s the same for me,” She said pressed against his chest. “I could barely concentrate on anything today except the memories of your touch.” She clung to him. Wanting to be part of him, in his skin, as one.

He hugged her tightly petting her hair, taking in her scent, lily of the valley and sunshine combined with his scent, she was still wearing his sweater.  _ Fuck!  _ The mixture intoxicating and inviting. Possessiveness scratched at the edge of his mind. Having her in his sweater did things to him. His cock twitched to attention.

Rey pulled back and looked up at him again. “We should eat and then talk. Is that ok with you?” She wanted him badly but now she needed to step back and put on the breaks before they got carried away.

“Of course my love.” He said without hesitation. Rey’s stomach twisted just a bit at his use of my love. 

Rey broke their embrace and took out plates and wine glasses setting them out on a table made from an old glass door held up by sawhorses. Then started to unpack the food.

“Where is your wine opener,” Ren asked.

In the drawer just to the right of the stove. Ren fumbled through the drawer til he found one. Pulling it out and opening the bottle of wine.

“I have no idea how this will taste I got it from a corner store next to the restaurant. The name made me think of you. It’s called Silk” He smiled down at her as he handed her a glass.

“To us” He offered in a toast.

“To us” Rey returned feel something warm and longing swelling in her heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Knowing One's Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up from where we left off.
> 
> Rose is fucking adorable, so what's new?
> 
> Rey and Ren check-in. 
> 
> Love is in the air.
> 
> Did I say I suck at summaries...
> 
> Playlist  
> “I Think I Love You” by Partridge Family  
> “Inside a Boy” by My Brightest Dimond  
> “Let Me Love You” by Peter Murphy  
> “Head Over Heels” by Alanis Morisset  
> “Bent” by Matchbox 20  
> “I Love you” by Omar Faruk Teckbilek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with this and for the Kudos and comments! It means a lot to me to know that others are connecting with this fic! 
> 
> I think I just have to admit that my updates take way longer then I imagen they world and I just have to accept that. I am truly sorry it takes so long. 
> 
> This one took a lot of thinking and personnel processing. 
> 
> I do hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I would love to know what you think. I am still learning and would love some feedback!

Glasses empty, stomachs full, and hands entwined they sat in silence watching one another. Neither knowing exactly how to move forward, both falling into their given insecurities and the shyness of the moment.

Ren’s thumb was delicately tracing tiny circles on the back of her hand. She was still wearing his sweater and it invoked lustful thoughts from deep within him. He wanted to devour every last inch of her but, she had said they needed to talk. He didn’t even know how to start that really, nor what her concerns were. Sure he had his own but, he wasn’t ready to speak them just yet. He needed to just be in the moment. Let his feelings stay true to the now, not get wrapped up in the “what ifs” and destructive thinking he was oh so prone to. He took a deep breath trying to center himself.

He felt like he was an open book, the way her eyes reach towards his heart. Flashes of emotions seem to dart across her face. Her eyes had slightly shifted in color, they took on the shade of grass in the morning sunlight when it was still blanked with dew. She was so fucking beautiful he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Suddenly the linkering silence was broken with a door slamming and an “I'm home!” sounding through the air.

Rey broke eye contact with a start. “That will be Rose,” she said quickly. “Hello, Love! We have company.” She halliard.

“Oh, really?” Rose said as she came around to the kitchen her eyes going straight to Ren, she looked him over with focused attention. Her eyes roaming from top to bottom and back up again. A smile grew across her face. “Well, hello Ren!”

Rey knew Rose thought Ren was hot as hell. She blushed to see the want in her lover's eyes.  
“ Where is Finn? I thought you two had a hot date tonight.”

“We do. He and Poe should be back from the gym at any moment.” Rose wrapped herself around Rey and gave here chased kiss on the lips as she eyed Ren. “ What are you two up to this evening?”

“Just hanging out. Thought I’d show Ren around the studio.”

“ I see... well... we will be heading out shortly to catch dinner and a movie. We’ll be out late.” She pulled away slowly looking back at Ren with a mischievous smile on her face then back at Rey. “I’ll meet you tomorrow at nexus, ok?”

“Perfect!”

“Tata Ren! Hope to see you again soon!” Rose bounced away.

“Good to see you, Rose.”

It was not lost on Ren the forwardness of Rose and her apparent attraction to him. She was adorable frankly. He was flattered and surprisingly a bit turned on by the thought of her and Rey together. Well, that's interesting!

“So you and she are…are lovers.” He whispered softly.

“Yes.” Rey noticed several emotions traverse his face, that of questioning, concern, and a bit of amusement. “She thinks you’re hot by the way!”

“I can see that.” He chuckled smiling to himself.

“And what do you think of her?”

“She's cute, quite energetic.”

“So your not jealous?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Its ok if you are. I can get jealous too. The important thing is to notice it when it happens and talk about it.” She urged him.

After a few moments, Ren looked at her shaking his head. “Surprisingly it is sort of a turn on.”

“Really?...and why is that?”

“Well...um… the thought of you two kissing seems to do things to me. I...maybe it's just because ... well, she's a girl. It’s hot...I don’t know. It doesn't seem threatening to me. ”

“Well, she is adorable... Am I to understand that if she were a man you would feel threatened?”

“No, well probably…I mean...yes I would!” He said with a resigned sigh. If he was honest with himself he would find it extremely difficult to be present when she was with someone else. He could not imagen watching her kiss another man. He knows his insecurity and possessive tendencies but he also knows that he must tame that impulse if he is to be with her.

“Ren you are not in competition with anyone.” She took his face into her hands and watched his eyes start to tear up. She could tell this was hard for him. She knew it would be. She just hoped somehow they could make it through this. There was part of her that even considered trying to be monogamous for him but she knew deep down that would be impossible, she would screw it up and he’d hate her for it. The only way was if he truly could be open to this way of life. She had to remind herself, that he may not be able to. It was too soon to tell if monogamy was something hardwired for him or if it was merely conditioning. She had to believe that he really wanted to try. It was her only hope.

Looking into his eyes trying to impart all the love she felt cascading through her into him. He met her gaze with such longing. “Ren, I will not care for you less because I care for another. I have enough love in my heart for you, for Rose, and more. My love is not finite. ”

He blinked and looked at her in awe, her words stirring up emotions inside him. “Your love?”

Rey had spoken her heart before she understood its truth. She loved him it was so fucking crystal clear now. She wasn’t sure when the scales had tipped but they had. There was a part of her that felt like she would give him anything he asked, almost anything. She prayed he wouldn’t ask of her to do the impossible for it would fucking reducer to dust. Fear screamed at the recesses of her mind begging to her to listen but, she stood her ground.

“Yes, love. I can’t deny how I feel. I know it's crazy, too fast, too soon but, it’s what it is.” She kissed the tear slowly from his face. “I'm falling in love with you.” They stood locked in the moment.

“But can you accept Me? The way I am?” Rey pulled back just a bit to catch her breath and searched his face for the answer.

He felt his heart try to burst itself out of his chest, warmth bubbled up inside of him, goosebumps ran up his back, his face felt hot and flushed. Her words turned over and over in his head. She loves me, me! He looked at her dumbfounded. He knew she liked him, knew she wanted him but, that she actually loved him was astounding. Then it hit him, hard, his heart felt like it dropped to the pit of his stomach and the world spun. He loved her too! He had since the moment he kissed her. He was just not accustomed to the feelings swirling around inside of him his heart ached and sung at the same time, he felt like he would die if she ever walked away from him. He could do this. He had too. He’d already made his decision hours ago and there was no way in hell he was going turn back now. She loved him.

“I...I love you too… oh, Rey.” He covered her lips with his, the force of his hands warping her into his arms so tight she felt like she might pass out. His tongue dug deep into her mouth as if he would consume her.

He was trembling with the surge of his emotions as he loosened his grip upon her. “I love you... but, I will not lie to you. I am so fucking scared. I am really not good at sharing, I’ve never had to. I am spoiled and I am quick to temper, I have no idea how to deal with jealousy. I’ve almost always gotten what I wanted. This will be fucking hard for me, it will take time, patience, and fortitude. I want this more than you can possibly know and I will work to make this, us, work but, I...I’m terrified. I never felt this way about anyone before.” He bowed his head pressing his forehead to hers. His breath ragged and shallow.

“I know, I know...shhh...it’s ok.” She ran her fingers through his hair and caressed his cheek. “We can work together, we just have to keep talking, communicate our needs, our fears. We can do this if it is truly what we want.” She watched him closely as he took deep breaths steading himself.

“I get jealous too Ren. But, I truly believe that jealousy is something that generally stems more from our own insecurities or if our needs aren’t being met, then what is really going on in the moment. If we sit with our fears and exam them we can begin to understand the roots of our uncomfortableness and our reactions. Then we can figure out what it is we really need our what we fear we are lacking but, none of that really has anything to do with loving someone and them loving you back.

We were brought up to believe we could only love one person at a time but, love, love in its purest form is boundless and when you love someone it doesn't deplete your well of love, it doesn't take it away from you or anyone else, in fact, I think it multiplies the love within you and why not share that with the world?”

“Rey, you are so beautiful inside and out, your amazing!”

“So are you Ren. I see the light within you, an endless amount of love waiting to be freed.”

“I’ve never felt like I had that much love inside of me not till you pried my heart open.” He sighed heavily. “Now, I feel flooded with sunshine and love. It's joyous and moving and petrifying all at once. I feel invincible and humbled in your arms.” He was holding her so close again pressing her to his chest with his chin resting on the top of her head.

Someone cleared their throat and they shot apart startled by the intrusion.

“Sorry!” Poe said smiling at them. “I didn’t mean to intrude but, I wanted to grab a bite to eat before I headed out.”

“It’s ok. Poe, this is Ren.”

“Nice to meet you.” Poe beamed offering his hand in welcome.

Ren took his hand shaking it firmly. “Nice to meet you too.” Ren couldn’t help but think about what Rey had said about their involvement. He felt the protectiveness and jealousy starting to turn over in his stomach. Stepping back he tried to focus on his breath not on how handsome and nice the man before him was. Trying not to compare himself to him.

“Come on Ren let me show you around. See you later Poe.” Rey took him by the hand and lead him away. She swore she could actually see the gears in his brain turning.

Ren followed her into the wide open area of the warehouse. He was focusing on calming himself. You can fucking do this Ren. He is not a threat! remember she loves you!

He looked around taking in the enormous warehouse. It was truly an artists space. One area was set up as a sort of living room chill space with a couple of couches with tapestries thrown over them, a big plush Turkish rug, a couple of over stuff bean bag chairs, and a widescreen mounted on one of the walls. Against the far wall stood what looked like a tiki bar with bamboo siding and a large mirror behind it.

She stopped and turned to him looking at him softly for a moment before speaking.  
“Ren.”

“Yes.”

“Poe is no threat to you. You know that, right?”

“Yah.” He said remorsefully

“You're jealous nonetheless?”

“Yes”

“Why, what are you thinking?”

“He’s just so...so.. nice, handsome... Fuck” He shook his head feeling the insecurity stirring inside.

“You are as well, more so even. You're absolutely gorgeous. How can you not know that? What has to happen to you to make you think you were ugly. I can barely take my eyes off of you. You could be a fucking GQ model if you wanted to.” She smiled at him brightly, cupping his cheek.

“I’ve never felt handsome. No ones as ever said I was. I just scare people off. In school, I was gangly, oh so awkward, and a nerd. And my fucking ears! I was never the debonair jock type. I was teased mercilessly and bullied till I learned how to fight.”

“I think I would have still found you beautiful then. And I love your ears!” She kissed him gently. “You really are.”

“Thank you”

“Come, let's go to my room.” She took his hand and continued their walk through the open area.

They passed a couple of large work tables with various power tools and what seemed to be quite a few metal and/or electronic projects. As they walk to the far stairs he noticed that there was a pole mounted under a loft area with a wood dance floor around it. He smiled to himself wondering if Rey new how to pole dance but, he was too timid to ask. His mind filled with Rey climbing the pole wrapping her strong legs around it and swirling about, performing gravity defeating moves that he has seen in a strip club that Hux had dragged him to once. His cock twitched to life again.

Once they climbed the stairs to the upper level, where there were several built out rooms, Rey named them off as they walked by.”That's Poe’s room on the right and Fins on the left. Heres the bathroom with the shower and the WC is right next to it... This is Rose’s room... and this is my Painting Studio.” She swung open the door to an extremely messy room, with drop cloths all over the floors, the walls were covered with paintings and stacks of them along the floor as well as, shelves of paints and other artistic materials. at the center of the room stood an old cassette tape boombox on a table next to a large easel with a blank canvas ready and waiting for her touch. 

“These are all your paintings?” He gasped at the sheer number lining the walls.

“Yes. Some are really quite bad, thou. I paint over the old ones as needed.”

“Stop.” He demanded. “They’re amazing Rey. You are extremely talented. He said as he eyed one that was particularly striking. It hung dead center on the long wall of the room. It had a white background with chaotic brush strokes that felt like feathers floating on the wind with extremely thin tiny swirling lines drawn here and there in blood red. It was stunning. “This one her is incredibly moving. So much passion and desire but... yet... there is pain and fate woven through it.” She was blushing from his praise as she smiled sweetly at him. He wanted to do that to her always.

“You rather astute.” Her expression shifting. “I call it ‘loss’.”

“Ah.” He feels like it might be too much to probe her further on it when he sees the dart of hurt cross her face. Thou she righted herself quickly, he noticed.

She moves towards the back of the room.

As he passed one of the shelves he noticed a Sumi set with old inkwells, brushes, and stacks of rice paper. “You do Sumi?” He asked a bit surprised.

“Yes. I took several classes in it, both painting and Kanji”

“Really?”

“Yes. I don’t do either now. I tend to go abstract with it. I love the black ink contrasted against the stark white and the strokes the brushes make. I find it quite freeing.”

“I’d like to see that.” He hummed in appreciation. He wondered just for a moment what it would be like to be her canvas. He filed that away for future use. Gods his imagination was on fire tonight it was like she had woken some sleeping beast he didn’t know lived in his soul.

“I use to do calligraphy when I was a teenager.”

“Oh my god, Ren you were a nerd weren't you?”

“Yep, that and DnD.”

“I figured.”

“You know me so well already. Is that it?”

“No, but I intended to.”

“Be careful what you wish for. You may not like what you find.” He said darkly.

“I will be the judge of that. So brooding you! You can’t be all that bad.’ She teased.

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Ren, what dark secrets do you hide? You must know I will love you no matter what happened in your past was.”

“There is just so much you don’t know, Rey.”

“You will tell me in time?”

“I...yes...of course, I will. I couldn’t keep anything from you even if I tried. I think you can read my mind sometimes.”

“I can’t but sometimes I feel you or what I make up is your emotions flowing over me. I’m sensitive that way.”

“Hum... I hope my darker side doesn’t overwhelm you.”

“I can take it.” She teased and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him into a deep lustful kiss.

“I kinda look forward to getting to know your dark side.” She mused then pulled him to the back of the room where another door stood.

“And this is my little nest!” She opened the double doors to expose a plush small bedroom with a large canopy bed as the central piece. It was draped with red sheer silken curtains and covered in a white silk bedspread with an embroidered phoenix and dragon on it. The walls of the room were bright white with cherry blossoms painted along the wall behind where the bed stood. Across from the bed was french doors that open out onto a balcony overlooking the yard below.

The room was exquisite and such a contrast from her painting studio. It felt sensual and luxurious. In one corner sat a red velvet love set with a beaded lamp arched over it and piles of books on the floor next to it. On the wall above was a print of the “Red Cannan” a painting by Georgia O'Keeffe. Its reds and oranges dominating the room with warmth despite the starkness of the walls. On the side wall was an old ornate wood armoire and a dressing table that matched. Upon it set a gorgeous sunset orange orchid in full bloom. The whole room gave one the feeling of a delicate balance between purity and passion. It was perfectly Rey.

“This is gorgeous Rey.” He was stunned.

“Thank you”

“Thank you for sharing this part of you with me. I feel like I am getting to see a part of you that many don’t get to. It's fascinating.”

“Well, not many make it past the studio doors...Actual not even past the front gate to be honest. I am quite a private person. I have lots of acquaintances and some friends but, mostly my time is spent with the crew here. Living with roommates has been an adventure full of ups and downs but they are my family.”

“Your chosen family?” 

“Exactly.”

He is looking at here now like a lost puppy. She can see his brain turning again. The mounting anxiety.

“Your part of that now, you know?”

His smile makes her want to melt. He seems so utterly lost sometimes she thinks to herself. She wants to make him feel like he is part of something, loved.

“So maybe we should have that check in now?” She said wrapping her arms around his neck and looking up at him.

“I would like that.”

“I...I wanted to check in with you about what it is you want from me? What your expectations are?”

“I don’t know… I mean… I just want to be with you.”

“Are you wanting me to be dominant with you? Or are you open to something else, switching perhaps?” Ren held his breath he was feeling shy and intimidated by his own desires.

Finding his composure “I’d like it both ways. I mean I never considered myself a submissive person before. I haven't done that with anyone else. I found I enjoyed it with you thou and well I’d like to explore that more… But I can be quite aggressive and domineering, I’ve been told. Even scary at times.” He chuckled to himself. “Some find me absolutely terrifying.”

“I can see that.” She said teasingly

He looked up at her eyes wide. ”Do you?” he said with deep worry in his words. “Do I frighten you?”

“No! Not at all.”

“Good, I never want to hurt you, Rey.” He brushed her cheek softly with the back of his fingertips trailing it down to her neck and around to the back of her head running his fingers through her hair gently.

“I know but, sometimes physical pain can be enjoyable.” She winked at him. She knew he understood given his proclivity for it.

“You mean...you...you want me to hurt you...physically I mean?

“There are things I enjoy, things that turn me on, send me over the edge.”

“Ummm…” A grin flashed across his face. “Like what, Rey?” He said pitching his voice low with a slight growl to it. His mind was wondering again at laid before him bend to his will Taking what he wanted.

“Oh, you know biting, hair pulling, and my breast being flogged.”

“Really?” He choked out a bit shocked at her response.

She shook her head yes with a shy smile.

“Whatever you desire my love, but, I do not know how to flog.” But, he fucking learns ASAP!

“You need a teacher?”

“Are you offering?”

“Oh yes and I’m willing to be your practice partner.” She pulled him down for another kiss. “Would you like that?” she breathed when they came up for air.

“I would.” She could feel his arousal pressing against her belly.

“Now as for me being in control is that something you want to talk more about?”

“Please.” He whispered shyly.

“Are you wanting a full on session again, or some sort of agreement between us as to how to navigate it within our romantic relationship.”

“I ...umm...I’m not sure... how would include it in our relationship?”

“Any way we want really. We can set up playdates, and negotiate what those dates will be ahead of time so we can be in the right headspace. And/ or we could work on ways to communicate what it is we are needing when we see each other. We could even incorporate the way I set up my sessions with subs into how we engage from time to time. If that's what you would like”

“How so?”

“Well, I have clients who have protocols they follow when they see me. Such as, when they arrive the first thing they do is get on their knees with their head bowed and wait until I give them instruction. This signals they are handing the power over to me and wish to follow my lead. We could make arrangements like that if you'd like. And of course, we are able to be far more intimate with each other then I would with a client.” She smiled brightly at him. “Other times we just explore play it by ear or we could switch to where I give you control.”

Ren felt a surge of delight run through him at the thought of her at his mercy. Her body spread before him tied to the bedpost, blindfolded, screaming his name, and begging.

“I’d like that. But, I haven’t a clue how to be a proper Dom.”

“Well, you certainly have the ability and even the tendencies. You just need to learn the rules of engagement, so to speak, and negotiate boundaries with me. It’s not something I would do with just anyone. I trust you, Ren. And, well, I’m a bit curious how you would be if you had complete control and how I would respond into you. It would definitely be a challenge for me.”

“I am honored that you feel you can trust me enough to be willing to be that vulnerable with me.”

“I may still need to work myself up to it.”

“I understand. Whatever you want or need my love. I will give it freely”

“So what should we do tonight? You mentioned you wanted to be at my mercy again. Is that still what you would like?”

“Stars Rey, Yes!... I haven’t been able to get you out of my head all day. I want to bury my head between your legs and lick you till you scream my name!.” He said suddenly his shyness had flown out the window.

“Fuck, Ren.” She whimpered.

He looked at her for a moment replaying all she had said. Then without hesitation, he dropped to his knees, bowed his head. ”I am yours to command Mistress.”

“Very well.” Her head was spinning from his words and she felt her desire polling between her legs. She wanted nothing more than to give him all he required but, it was going to be on her terms.

“Strip” She commanded.

“Yes, Mistress.” He stood and slowly began to remove his clothes as she eyed him up and down. He pulled his shirt off first dragging it up ruffly over his head and tossing it aside. His chest exposed and heaving now. Then he unzipped the fly of his paints taking his sweet time as he watched her watching him. The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk, finding pleasure at the want that filled her eyes. He pulled his pants and boxers down slowly then edged them off his feet and slid them away. He stood before her naked, erect, and ready. She scaled his body with her eyes until she reached his face. Seeing his complete attention and devotion there. She sighed. He looked like a dark prince and he was hers for the taking.

“Go stand at the foot of the bead and turn around to face it.” He obeyed. Shivers smothered his skin as he walked to the edge of the bed. He stopped there examining the ornate pattern of the Phoenix and dragon locked in a sort of ethereal dance of power and strength, passion and desire. Each of them in their full glory and together a balance of light and dark, fire and ice, control and chaos. The dragon portrayed in the shades of a chaotic sea, deep blues, and greens with accents of silver. The Phoenix made up of the shades of a raging fire, oranges, and yellows with hints of gold. Between them and around them a single thin ribbon, the color of blood flowed. It was a striking image that made him think of the two of them, he wasn’t sure which of them was the dragon and which was the Phoenix. They could be either, given the trials they had each survived.

“Kneel Ren” She hissed in his ear and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and his cock twitched as he lowered himself onto his knees again. She wrapped a blindfold around his eyes and tied it tight. Then one at a time she took his hands and wrapped what felt like silk around his wristed and tied him to the bedpost at either side of him. His breath caught as she did so. The anticipation coiling in his chest.

He felt the loss of her presence as she stepped away rummaging through things at the other end of the room. Drawers sliding open then closing, rustling of fabric. Then the sound of her feet padding across the floor towards him. He could hear her breathing deeply as if trying to calm herself. He was dying for her to touch him to take him. He waited.

She laced her fingers into his hair gently then without warning she yanked his head back exposing his throat. It was such a lovely throat she thought to herself. long and porcelain pale. She could see his adam's apple moving as he swallowed uneasily. He watched her closely. She could see just a bit of fear there in his eyes. She felt the rush of power and control, it thrilled her that such a lovely creature would give himself to her, trusted her, wanted her. 

“Are you ready Ren?”

“Yes”

‘What did you say”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Good boy.” His heart leaped at the praises.

Her hand warped around his throat constricting it slowly and his cock hardened and his blood boiled with lust. “Fuck” he choked out.

“You like that Ren?”

He nodded

“Say it, Ren.”

“ I like it.”

“You like what, Ren?”

“I like you choking me...more...please Rey!”

“She kept his hair knotted in her right hand as she squeezed a bit more with her left and forced his mouth open with her tongue, probing, searching the depths of his mouth, then biting his bottom lip hard before she released him leaving the faint taste of blood lingering in her wake. He licked his lips and swallowed hard.

Rey stood for a moment just taking him all in. His back was massive, muscles firm and lean, his ass truly a sculpted piece of art. He was so fucking beautiful on his knees. She would never grow tired of him like this. She wanted to stop and grab her camera to capture this perfect scene but, she chose the commit it to memory. Perhaps another time Rey, when you aren't aching to fuck his brains out. 

“Bend forward Ren” He grabbed the silk that laid between his wrist and the post steading himself and leaned forward till his shoulder blades protruded from his back.

Then he felt the leather stips caress up his spine, he gasped in delight. She ran the strands across his shoulders and up over each arm one by one letting him become at ease with the soft leather against his skin, it was both taunting and soothing. His head lolled forward as his body gave in, relaxing to the simple tactile pleasure. He wanted to fill the sting, the cutting, the pain of it. The leather sang to him like a lullaby assuring his release.

Rey replaced the strokes of the flogger with her fingers running over his body slowly and methodically attending to each part she wished to strike. His shoulder blades, the expanse of his back, then down, down along the top of his hip bones and across each buttock rubbing them extra hard and squeezing them with her hands.

“Your beautiful love” She whispered into his ear. “Perfect”. He keened to her praises feeling his heart swell with pride. But, still not completely believing it.

She kissed his shoulder, his bicep, his forearm, his wrist, even his hands warped in the silken ties. Then traced her finger back up to his neck soliciting shivers from his core.

Rey stepped back again finding her center taking a deep breath then exhaling slowly tuning herself to his breath as she watched his shoulder rise and fall with each breath he took. Then without hesitation, she began. At first, she swung the flogger about in the air so he could just feel the breeze tantalizing the back of his neck as it passed within inches of his body. Then she began the soft windmill strokes against his upper back, just the tips of the leather slapping against his skin, priming him. Slowly she applied more power to her strikes. He didn’t respond, solid as oak, he held on. She picked up her pace swinging rhythm in a grand figure eight across his back applying more force with each stroke until his body began to respond with arches and shutters and his moans grew, she paused to give him time to breathe and process the feelings then continued on as he chanted her name and beg her to never stop. She swung again and again as the moans turned to cries and his words become incoherent, all except for the interspersed “fucks” and “Yeses” that he blurted out.

His back was blossoming into an angry red and still, he cried for more. She passed again giving him time to regain a bit of composure. Breathing was essential for one to process pain and pleasure.

She began again and tempering her pace she slowly moved down to his ass. Pushing his upper body forward more he responded with pushing his ass up against each strike, eventually coming up off his knees yet remaining bent over at the waist, his head, and chest press against the mattress as his restraints slid down the bedpost.

She laid into him again, now knowing he could take more.  
“Oh fuck” he whimpered bucking hard and straining against the ties around his wrist. She slowed and eased off. 

“Do you want more?”

“Yes!”

“On a scale of 1-10 how painful was my hardest strike?”

“Umm...about a...7”

“Do you want it harder, about the same, or less?”

“More!”

“Tell me exactly what you want Ren. I want to hear you say it!”

“Hit me harder. Please. I want at 9!” He demanded.

She adjusted her stance to oblige his desires and swung hard against his ass.

He grabbed the ties white-knuckling it as his body arched towards the bed. He roared with pleasure and trembled as he released the ties and collapsed inward. Ren was surprised at the strength of her bed he was a big man and he was putting a lot of torque and pressure on the ties the held his hands to the post. The bed barely moved when he pulled at them.

“Fuck” he sighed.  
She waited.

“Again, please.” He begged.

She rubbed his ass gently making sure he wasn’t welting to badly. As soft as his skin was it was resilient. She noted that he moaned with each caress of her hand. “Please Mistress.”

“So strong, so good.” She praised him as she began again starting with about a 6 and working up to the 9 he had asked for until his growls and moans turned to cries and he begged for her to stop.

“Violets” he whispered. She stopped immediately.

She stepped back from him and placed her flogger on the dresser and then gently untied his hands from the bedpost checking them for any cuts. They were red and looked like the would surely bruise, at least a little, from the force he had put upon them. She knew she would need to coach him a bit more on how to not push himself too far.

She removed his blindfolded and held his face in her hand. There were tears trickling down his face as he gazed up at her with loving eyes.

“You did so well my love.” She kissed his forehead and then softly coaxed him to stand.

Ben swayed as she instructed him to lay down on the bed. He felt completely blissed out, the endorphins had flooded his brain. He found it hard to focus on anything. His body vibrated and hummed like a live wire. He had nearly cummed but somehow managed to hold it off through his breath work. Now he was painfully hard. His legs felt unsure, wobbly. Every muscle seemed to fluctuate between strained and giving out as he climbed up on to the bed and collapsed. Breathing deeply he closed his eyes. He felt at peace yet he still wanted more, no her, he just wanted her, all of her, skin to skin and soul to soul.

As he laid there panting he heard the music begin to play violin then cello and piano joined in. He knew this piece, this album like the back of his hand. He sighed. How can she know me so well! To play this now? How perfect! The feelings in him were a swirling mess of past present and future. He was reeling from the pain inflicted and the flooding pleasure that had followed, his senses heightened, his passion stirred. He felt love welling up inside of him again like a bubbling spring.

The music had not originally been written on a happy note it was tragic and soulful but somehow it always moved him in a way no other piece could. It screamed of love and loss, surviving and atonement. It made him feel torn and complete all at once, much like she had. Hs if his insides had been laid to bear, his vulnerability the key to existence, his desires the end of him, yet undeniably drawn to the ever shining horizon of hope. “The nature of Light” felt like his personal soundtrack and her his muse.

Rey climbed on the bed and sat beside him on her knees. She caressed his face and placed gentle kisses on his cheeks then his neck and chest. She watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took in. She was utterly enthralled and taken back by the gloriousness that was Kylo Ren. He was a site of strength and raw vulnerability laid out before her. She lost track of her devious plans of punishment. His cock was standing at attention, throbbing with each breath he drew in. Pre-cum pooled at it tip begging her to take it. She wanted to slide herself down his length taking him into her warmth, letting him fill her to completion. First, she needs to check in with him see how he's was doing and what aftercare he needed.

“Ren” She breathed sweetly

His eyes fluttered open and he turned to look at her. His hooded eyes dark and sultry were filled with devotion.

‘How are you doing?”

“Fantastic” he breathed as a smile grew wide across his face.

“What do you need?”

“Just you, Rey.” He sat up onto one elbow looking at her wantonly. “I want to know every knock and grainy of you inside and out.” He whispered as he touched her face sweetly and laced his fingers around her neck leaning into her for a kiss. Their lips locked hard, full of lust, as his hands swarmed over her upper body. She gave in clawing at his hair pulling him deeper into the kiss. Their tongues tangled and struggled for control as their lips engulf each other.

She was still wearing his cashmere sweater it felt amazing to touch with all her curves just beneath the surface. He petted her reverently, slowly moving downward til the luscious fabric gave way to smooth skin. “Fuck!” It was the only thing she had on. His brain came to a screeching halt for just a moment, his cock got harder if that was even possible at this point. A sense of pride filled him, he really liked having her in his clothes.

“Your so fucking sexy Rey. Do you have any idea what you do to me?” His possessive leanings surging forward and pulled her over on top of him until she was straddling his chest.  
“Come here, Rey. I want to taste you and make you cum on my face.” He said as he grabbed her bare ass and started to lift her up his body as he slid down the mattress to give her more room to move upward.

She hesitated “Umm...I...a... don’t want to smother you.” She said shyly. Feeling unsure, insecure.

“You won't. let me worship you, Rey!”

Slowly she edged up placing her knees to each side of his face. She hovered over him holding her breath until in one swift movement he pulled her down so he could reacher her core with his mouth. Then with no hesitation, he dragged his tongue along her folds ending with a hard suck upon her clit. She moaned throwing her head back as she fisted her hands in his hair holding on for dear life. He did it again, and again soliciting more moans and his name upon her lips like a prayer. “Oh Ren, Oh...Oh god...YES!” She was starting to grind into his face as he forced his tongue into her aching pussy. As he fucked her with it as she bucks uncontrollably.

Coming up for air “Stars you taste so fucking good Rey. I can’t get enough of you!” He exclaimed with utter joy. Then growled with need forcing her even harder against his mouth as he set to devouring her mercilessly. Watching her all the while.

His tongue felt amazing as he pushed it into her and drew it out over and over again. It was long and thick and it dragged from her sounds she didn’t know she could make. He mixed the thrusting of his tongue with biting her throbbing folds and then lapping long slow stipes up her slit as he hummed into her cunt. Then he’d repeat the cycle again till she felt like she couldn't take any more.

“Come for me sweetheart I want to drink from you.” He groaned into her.

And with that, she lost it. She felt her muscles beginning to scream in contraction as the energy spiraled around the base of her spine and sent bolts of electrical current up, up, and out through her body as she crested over the edge. The river within her burst free. She screamed from the sheer force of her climax as it ripped through her and she gushed, covering his face and filling his mouth with her nectar. He drank from her as she rode out the waves of pleasure until she was wrung dry. Then he gently lifted her off of his face letting her settle on his chest as they both caught their breath. She couldn't speak she was so fucking high it felt like she was flying. She smiled as she gulped for more air and ever so slowly slid off of him collapsing next to him on the bed.

“OMG!” She breathed. “How?!...Ren!...”

He turned to her, watching her, the flush of her skin, her chest rising slowly as she tried to catch her breath. She was divine.

“I love you so much, Rey.”

“And I you.”

He nuzzled into her neck kissing along her pulse point and collarbone then up her ching and to her lips. As if starving for more he pushed his sweater up and moved down to her breast sucking one into his mouth then biting it hard, she bucked at the pain then sighed in pleasure.

“You like that?” He purred.

“Oh my god yes!”

“Do you want more”

“Yes”

He nibbled across her chest to the other nipple flicking it with his tongue then biting it harder than the first. “FUCK!!!” She yelped then pulled his head against her chest. Ripping at his hair. He loved it.

“Do it again,” she demanded. He complied and continued to leave love bites down her ribcage, stomach, hip bone, then down her inner thighs each time sucking in her skin and rolling it between his teeth. Her body as completely at attention, every nerve alight, her skin hypersensitive, her thoughts obliterate. There was only his lips and teeth, and the pleasure he gave her.

“Can I make love to Rey?”

She cups his check. “Yes.” Then turned to the bedside table and pulled out a condom handing it to him.  
Ripping it open effortlessly he sheathed himself and is on her instantly. Spreading her legs as he wedged himself between them. Maintaining eye contact as he reached down between them and dragged his cock up her folds letting her juices lubricate him. She’s still dripping from his ministrations. Without preamble he sank into her in one quick thrust, bottoming out. “Ooooh!..god...FUCK... You're... oh ... Rey...feels... so good!” He moans and grunts his words shaky and staggering out.

She held her breath, the stretch was just at the edge of hurt. Fuck! He was huge and oh so fucking hard. There was no wavering in his strength. She's not used to it yet but as he began to move she started to relax around him. The pleasure set in and the pain was forgotten quickly. She was filled, complete, their bodies melting into one another merging with the force of their love. She didn't think she could ever get enough of him, this right here was heaven, she was sure of it. She had never been loved the way he loved her with every part of himself. In his kisses and thrust, she felt as if he gave her his very soul. He pounded into her harder as she locked her ankles around him and pressed her knees outward to let him deeper inside. The angle making it so each thrust hit a tender spot deep within her that sent waves of ecstasy through every cell in her body.

His pace became erratic, she felt him losing control. His moans now deep, guttural growls, like a wild animal. He was nearly crushing her. The primal sound of slapping of skin on skin echoed through the room and his grip upon her became bruising. She felt like she was being split apart each time he drove into her, she relished in it. The lust clouding her brain. She wanted nothing more than for him to destroy her! Take all that she had to give. There was no more him or her, they were one now, no separation only pure feeling, the moment, as the world went white.

Ren couldn't stop. He wanted to be under her skin, part of her very bones. He rammed his cock into her with crazed abandon. He pulled nearly out and then plunged in again and again. Each time her walls engulfed him pulsating and milking him. She was perfect, she fit him like a glove. Each movement brought him closer to the edge. There was no going back now, he was hers, he needs to be as close to her as humanly possible, he needs to be part of her. He clung to her with such force he feared he might break her. He couldn't let go.

His lust and love drowned out his judgment. He sucked at the cradle of her neck and took hold of the flesh there sinking his teeth into her skin breaking through he tasted her blood, sweet and salty. The world had disappeared there was only them and the joining. He felt her walls grip down on him like a fucking vise as she reached her climax. Her nails dug painfully into his back, he was sure she had drawn blood too, but he didn't fucking care. She continued to claw at him as he pounded into her over and over again till his spine caught fire and he He chanted her name. It felt like molten lava flowed through his veins as he came. Stars danced at the edge of his sight. Then a lightning bolt ripped through his spinal cord and explode at the base of his skull. He wrapped himself completely around her, encasing her with his body and rolled them on to their sides. They clung to each other trembling in the wake of their passion complete and satiated till they eventually drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.


End file.
